Is it cheating??

[mngirl111]

So I recently found out that my boyfriend of a year and a half was texing sexual things to another girl we work with!! i felt so devistated i didnt know what to do... i have talked with him and he says he doesn't know why he did it and would never touch her. she is a gross girl! (and im not just saying that) she smells like rotten smoke and just dirty. he said it was all in fun and didn't mean for anyone to get hurt. he apologized to her and said he never meant for it to be blown out of proportion... the girl actually saw me at work for like 2 weeks before she told me on facebook!! i want to believe he won't do this again but what do i do? i love him but i love myself enough to protect myself also! do you believe it was cheating? i called it text cheating!!! i know noone can tell me what to do but any suggestions on how to not think about it all the time?? it hurts! i want to trust him and i know it takes time...he even cried!! i don't usually see that side of him too often... any suggestions?? once a cheater, always a cheater????

[Jennifer1987]

My ex was doing the same thing, when I confronted him he was all apologies and i love yous.... Like a fool i believed he was sorry and made a mistake.. Only to find out he never stopped texting her and eventually cheated on me with her, yup slept with the scank... Again, i was a fool and got back with him!!!! but eventually saw sense and ended it 7 months ago!! the trust is broken and Im sorry but thats a hard thing to rebuild!!!! Dont let him treat you like a fool... Like you said, protect yourself!!! Men aren't worth our tears!!!!

[Judy246]

You are absolutely right, I'm not a tolerant person at all and would have dumped him on the spot. There is nothing sadder than to see any woman needy, desperate or dependant on a man and yeap...."if ya cannot trust em, lose em", or as we say here in Chicago, "Kick him to the curb" :)  Judy

[ApRiLGeTsAngry77]

I agree. I have never or will never check up on a bf. I am too focused on myself and my goals to have someone keep me sidelined like that!

[teko]

I dont understand why we ladies put up with this at all? It makes us appear needy and desperate. I say kick em to the curb and go find another one. Why waste the energy, the emotional turmoil, or the need to check up on someone. If ya cannot trust em, lose em. What is worth keeping?

[mami1323]

Yeah that's more than just a bit of flirting that is phone sex. Telling her he wants to make her wet and wants to do sexual things with her is out of line. That is really up to you whether you want to put up with that or not. Trust is definitely shattered and will take serious work to repair.

[lovemykids465]

Those comments are totally off color. That is not cheating that is the beginning stages of phone sex! If you choose to stay with him be aware he has a tendency to cheat. i know how you feel. Let him know this is unacceptable and if it happens again you are gone.

[teko]

Well now! That changes things!  Absolutely need to lose this loser! One time of antics like that is one time to many! You can do better.

[zoe00]

i actually had this happen to me also.... it kinda of broke my heart in a way bc i trusted him with my whole heart... i say it is cheating in an emotional way.... why can't he text you like that?? my bf also said it was only a joke...but i didn't find it funny... he also said the girl was gross and that she just started sending him pics and txt outta the blue *yea he was getting naked pics from this girl* but it wasn't his fault right?? we have gotten through all of this now but i can look at his phone anytime i want... and i also go through our phone bill just to make sure he doesn't delete anything... sometimes it makes me mad bc i shouldn't have to do this stuff....i'm sorry bc i know how it feels to have this done to you... its  hard... but if is ment to be you will get through this..and if you ever need to talk i am here

[jesseesgirl]

When my man did this some years ago, I found it hard to trust him again, and I would always check his phone and look at his texts. I actually took his phone a few times and talked to the girls he was talking to. It made him understand that it made me feel really sad. I cryed sometimes because i felt put down. Even when he stopped doing this, I still didnt trust him fully... (whos to say he still didnt do it at work?). These days, I trust him and know he would never do that. I still occasionally look at his phone, but im honestly the only person he texts...

[ApRiLGeTsAngry77]

From what you describe- short flirty sexual texts- is not considered emotional cheating to me. He sounds very immature and not as dedicated to your realtionship or responsible enough to be in a committed relationship. If he has done it with her- it is likley he has done it to others. The choice you need to make is if you can live with a " man" that plays sexual text games with other women. I say you trade the boy in for a man!

[Judy246]

I understand and don't blame you for feeling a bit insecure. He gave you a reason to feel that way, by his action. I would just be more aware of his behavior with women and pretty much wait and see what happens. I wish you lots of luck and hope all works out for you...Judy

[mngirl111]

We get along great.. he makes me laugh and we act "goofy" around eachother... i can be myself and i love it! i think thats why it hurt so bad! the girl came back to work the next week saying he was still talking to her and all this stuff..well,,, i checked phone records and text records on verizon (its easy!! lol) and her number was not on there since this all went down.. he actually called me to tell me what she was saying due to a couple other girls telling him.. i havent worked with her all that long but i do know she starts things.. i said one thing about working with two other girls and the next thing i know, they are mad at me because she told them i said all kinds of things. she is nice to your face but talks very malicious behind your back. My boyfriend has speant more time with me since this all happened and i try not to think about it and dwell on it with him but i do bring it up once in awhile when i feel the need to. the sexual comments were talking about actually doing things to her like "feeling her up", "pounding her", "hard pole" "making her wet",, you can figure between the lines.. she told me all she said was lol and okay which i know she didn't... does that help??

[Judy246]

I wouldn't trust him again. He has shown you that he is capable of "temptations" and has shown that yes he is high risk for infidelity. Judy

[jo929]

I am not sure what this is all about but i think that to make fun of someone and to humiliate another is not my idea of fun i do not believe i like your boyfriends sense of humor if that is what it is, maybe the girl took it serious did you. that is no way to have fun remember what the good book says do unto others as you would have them do unto you, you will have to figure this out and decide whether he is worth your time or not     luck  jo

[mayflowers]

Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk.   Why would he lead on a girl as you described?  To stroke his already pathetic ego? That's just sad.  Really sad.  

Some men go after the strangest women - even when they are dating a beautiful woman.  It's weird and all I can say that deep down they don't feel worthy of a good woman's love.  This type of guy will make your life miserable b/c you have to constantly assure him that he is good and worthy of love.  Don't you have better things to do?  Find a guy who doesn't play these types of games.  He's not worth it.

[teko]

What he is doing is inconsiderate, immature, and dis respectful to say the least. With that said, is he cheating? With the amount of info that has been forthcoming, I can not in all ernestness say, yes it is. Some immature guys think the topic of sex is funny regardless of who it is with, not necessarily that they want to have sex with that person. When I met my husband he didnt think anything of it to discuss the topic with anyone who wanted to discuss it, we had a momma to son talk and that ended that. If your significant other continues to dis respect you, you need to think about the relationship in its entirity and thank god you dealt with it before the wedding vows and not after. IMO You do not have to put up with any thing you do not want to. The power lies within yourself to stop it or to allow it to go on.

[lovemykids465]

If it makes you feel uncomfortable and he knows it I would say it is cheating. For some it is not big deal. There is flirting but when someone gets your number and begins to converse that way, where it is only between the two of you, I believe the line has been crossed, BUT thank God that is all that went on.Nip it now before it gets worse. Tell him how it made you feel and then if you are willing to work it out move ahead in your relationship. If not then move on.

[jesseesgirl]

I had this happen for a while when I first met my man. It was hard, and It made me feel like crap. I told him I didnt like it, but he just said he was "mingling" and there was nothing wrong with flirting with other women. So I (sneekely) got ahold of some of the phone numbers and text them and introduced myself as his fiance, then said I would leave if he didnt stop... needless to say he got my point after that. Maybe you can try the same thing... good luck with it all!

[Julie359]

Actually i'm with speicalmom on this one. Dito to all the advice she gave you.  Be careful!

[mami1323]

I'm agreeing with teko on this, it all depends on how you view cheating and what your expectations are in a relationship.  I don't believe once a cheat always a cheat.  Some people learn from their mistakes and some grow up and learn to respect their partner.  But I do think that communication is the key and you need to discuss the boundaries in your relationship.  There are some couples who think flirting is ok, as long as it's nothing physical.  I know there are some people who say "hey honey" or "what's up sweetie", to other people and to some that could be considered disrespectful.  I know I don't like my fiance doing that and I had to tell him that it was unacceptable for him to call another woman sweetie or anything of that nature because I thought it was a term of endearment.  If I hadn't said that to him, he would never know that I didn't like it.  So if you're boyfriend now knows how you feel, it's up to you to see if you can trust him going forward.  If you feel like he's not going to respect you or you question his ability to be faithful, than maybe he's not the right man for you.  But only you can determine that.

[specialmom]

This would really bother me, to be honest.  Inocent fun, perhaps.  But why?  He could text the innuendo to you, right?  I would be careful with this man.  Something is there that he wants to feed. . . some kind of extra excitement.  If you stay with him, I'd want full access to his stuff like computer and phone.  If he is secretive, then that is a sign that he isn't on the up and up.  You can give him another chance but with open eyes.  

Also, what were the other areas of your relationship like?  How do you get along, do you have fun together, etc.  Examine those closely to see if the relationship is worth working on.  good luck

[teko]

I think it would depend on what sexual things means. You did not clarify. It would also depend on her personality and what their relationship is. Was it getting carried away and talking about sex with her like sending jokes, sexual positions, sick humor type of stuff, which is still inappropriate or was he hinting about having sex with her? To me, that would depend greatly upon whether I saw it as sexual cheating. Sometimes people get carried away with the talk, and does not mean they would cheat. Coming on to her by giving her the impression he wanted sex is a different story.

[younggrandmother]

Sorry to say, but yes it is emotionally cheating. Okay we know that he did not do anything physical, because she is (gross) what if she wasn't. Does it make it okay because of her looks? If this is his idea of being funny I'm not sure I get the joke, he hurt you and he is now humiliating her. I think that he has a lot of growing up to do. Wow I love the fact that you LOVE your self it really says a lot about you. You are going to be just fine. I think that you are mature enough to go forward with of with out him. If he wont's your relationship to work then the ball is in his court he's not a baby, crying is not going to take away your pain. He knew exactly what he was doing, maybe he is remorseful only time will tell. Good luck and I'm truly sorry that this happened to you.