How do I help him relax

[adgal]

I have been with my husband 5 years, married almost 3.  We have had the normal ups and downs of any marriage, but for the most part things have been great.  I absolutely know he (and I) is committed to our marriage, our future family and we share similar values.  I am lucky enough to say he is my best friend.  I am currently 15 weeks pregnant with our first child.  It's been a rocky road getting here, and the fact that this baby is so far doing well is a huge source of joy and excitment for us.  My husband has attended every ultrasound, almost every OB app. and is very actively involved in this pregnancy.  I am truly a lucky women.  All of a sudden he is starting to panic.  Like most couples right now, this current economic client has added extra financial stress.  Neither of us is making as much money as we used to, but we are lucky to both have fairly stable jobs and have not had to go into debt to make ends meet.  We have definately scaled back our lifestyle, but that is certainly no big deal, at least as far as I am concerned. He however is struggling with it.  He suddenly seems to think he is less then a man.  The reality is after maternity leave I will be going back to work.  Somehow he thinks this is some sort of reflection on him as a man.  It is absolutely not the case. He works hard and this just isn't his fault.  I have tried to reassure him that he is more of a man then most.  He works hard, is faithful and honest. He is good to me and will be a great dad.  I mean, how could I ask for anything more. Still, he has it in his head he is failing me and our family.   he is actually losing sleep over this.  The other night he was up all night calculating how much it would cost to send our baby to college, what we need for retirement, etc. and was in an absolute tizzy as to how we are going to do it all.  I try to reassure him everything will be just fine, but this is starting to take a toll on his health I think.  I know, it sounds silly, but for him this is a huge issue and I am at a loss as to how to help him.  I am fine with going back to work....it is not a reflection on him, its a reflection on the times.  But he just won't accept that.  He is not sleeping well, nor eating properly, he just worries all the time.  I don't know where he gets this idea that finances somehow make him who he is.  I am worried sick about him.  Any ideas or thoughts would be welcome, I am at my wits end here.  This post makes him sound shallow I know. He really isn't at all.  I don't know where this is coming from.  I am trying to convince him to go into counselling, either on his own or we can do it together, but so far no luck. Thanks for reading, and I appreciate any and all responses.

[treazzure007]

my husband worries about us all the time and yes, he too measures his self worth according to how well he's providing for us.  i figured out long ago that he gets a bigger kick than i do out of telling people that his wife is at home w/ the kids.  

usually, he gets really worried after he hears of other companies doing lay offs or his job talking of cutting back hours and that's where i come in.  we are a christian family and when he begins to get all worried about the economy and the future and finances i tell him what the bible says for god's people and that we have made it this far, so we'll make it the rest of the way and for him just to continue putting his hands to work and god will surely bless us w/ the rest as he always has.  

worrying and stress will make a person physically ill.  your husband is going to have to find stress coping techniques that help him b/c it's detrimental to your health and happiness.  also, as an adult, he should know or be learning that life is all about surprises and things we have no control over.  that's just life so coping and rolling w/ it is not a choice, but mandatory

[teko]

LOL!  Oh how I remember! Babies can really bring the responsibility out in a man!  Thank your lucky stars that you got one who gives a hoot! It is rare these days!  Makes ya love em even more heh?  Tell him if god can dress all the flowers in their glory, why would he worry about his child? He will provide a way! Give him sum extra household duties to shake off that extra anxiety!  And tell him how much you love him, he will be fine!  

Congratulations!