Aa
Why?....... Always wondered.
Why do people get so angry and sometimes even freaked when they get asked out by, even one of their friends? I have heard tonnes of stories and it just seems to amaze me how perceptions can change with the uttering of:
"I love you, will you be my girlfriend?"
Also, are breakups usually those devastating times where everyone is crying and scarred and people become ridonukulously mean to each other like you see on TV or are they moment of love, where you hold your soon to be ex's hands, talk with them, give them one last kiss and slowly walk away from each other close friends?
I know that last bit was slightly poetic, but try your best to answer both questions, they are both things I have wondered my whole life.
Flip....
Hamed Khatiz...
"I love you, will you be my girlfriend?"
Also, are breakups usually those devastating times where everyone is crying and scarred and people become ridonukulously mean to each other like you see on TV or are they moment of love, where you hold your soon to be ex's hands, talk with them, give them one last kiss and slowly walk away from each other close friends?
I know that last bit was slightly poetic, but try your best to answer both questions, they are both things I have wondered my whole life.
Flip....
Hamed Khatiz...
Best Answer
COMMUNITY LEADER
You're welcome man. Women are tough to figure out. They always will be. They are women, they are hard wired completely different. As soon as you think you are getting a handle on women, something new pops up. Relationships with the opposite sex are always evolving, but if you take a good look at what the women posters wrote above, those are pretty fair guidelines to follow. Probably not "tried and true" but about as close as you can come regarding the subject matter.
Good morning or evening or day or night or afternoon poeple and thank you so much for your answers. You all had very complimentary answers and the same quote "an ex is an ex for a reason" even came up thrice LOL.
Sweet, dude that totally fulfills some ridonkulous curiosity....
Sweet, dude that totally fulfills some ridonkulous curiosity....
Honestly if one of my male friends said he loved me and wanted to go out with me, I'd avoid him at all cost. It's creepy, overbearing and weird.
I'd be weirded out if any man did that. I've known my husband for 20 years (since we were six) and we didn't say the I love you's until we'd been dating for 8 months.
Typically you don't fall in love with someone then date them. You date then fall in love. At least that's how it has been for me and all of my friends. It's a bit off putting having someone that you assumed was a friend profess his love for you. Especially if you don't feel that way about him.
As far as the breakups go, I've never seen a nice breakup. I know I'm not longer friends with any of my exes. As I always say, "An ex is an ex for a reason." If I am not compatible with someone in a romantic sense, I don't want to continue a relationship with them afterward. I don't want anything to do with them really. That and boyfriends (and in some cases husbands after) don't appreciate exes still being involved in the lives of their love interests.I know my husband would have an absolute tizzy if I were still even friends with any former boyfriends or lovers. As I would be miffed if he remained friends with any of his former g/f's or lovers.
I'd be weirded out if any man did that. I've known my husband for 20 years (since we were six) and we didn't say the I love you's until we'd been dating for 8 months.
Typically you don't fall in love with someone then date them. You date then fall in love. At least that's how it has been for me and all of my friends. It's a bit off putting having someone that you assumed was a friend profess his love for you. Especially if you don't feel that way about him.
As far as the breakups go, I've never seen a nice breakup. I know I'm not longer friends with any of my exes. As I always say, "An ex is an ex for a reason." If I am not compatible with someone in a romantic sense, I don't want to continue a relationship with them afterward. I don't want anything to do with them really. That and boyfriends (and in some cases husbands after) don't appreciate exes still being involved in the lives of their love interests.I know my husband would have an absolute tizzy if I were still even friends with any former boyfriends or lovers. As I would be miffed if he remained friends with any of his former g/f's or lovers.
You just received 3 top answers brother,so really what can i say.I concur with all 3 answerers.
Hamed, I was pretty straight forward with my wife. I told her after a very brief time of dating, that I wanted an exclusive relationship with her. I was direct and said, if she didn't feel the same way, I understood. (I am so thankful that she did feel the same way, but saying that alone could have been enough to throw out the "psycho" beacon.
What I am trying to get to is this.... relationships have to grow. If I would have busted out the "exclusive relationship" thing off the bat, chances are, she would have hit the road.
Relationships have to grow. Going from a social relationship to an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend thing takes time. Dates, just hanging out, talking on the phone.... you really have to get to know someone before you go and drop the "love bomb" on someone. It just takes time.
And as far as break ups go... you're kind of expecting a fairy tale ending and it probably isn't always going to go that way, if ever. I don't want to **** the lights out for you on that notion, but as Ashelen said, they are an ex for a reason.... it doesn't have to be a nasty reason, but there is a reason. I think ex's can pass each other on the street and be cordial, but as far as being best friends??? I don't know about that.
What I am trying to get to is this.... relationships have to grow. If I would have busted out the "exclusive relationship" thing off the bat, chances are, she would have hit the road.
Relationships have to grow. Going from a social relationship to an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend thing takes time. Dates, just hanging out, talking on the phone.... you really have to get to know someone before you go and drop the "love bomb" on someone. It just takes time.
And as far as break ups go... you're kind of expecting a fairy tale ending and it probably isn't always going to go that way, if ever. I don't want to **** the lights out for you on that notion, but as Ashelen said, they are an ex for a reason.... it doesn't have to be a nasty reason, but there is a reason. I think ex's can pass each other on the street and be cordial, but as far as being best friends??? I don't know about that.
specialmom has some awesome advice, as usual!
I know that if a guy approached me with "I love you, will you be my girlfriend?" I would be freaked out, creeped out, and unlikely to be flattered. That's just TOO intense.
Besides..you really shouldn't fall in love with someone who you haven't been in a relationship with yet. Not that it doesn't happen, but we establish relationships in order to get to know someone better. Dating someone is So different than being their friend, and you will discover many things -good AND bad- that will help you either fall in love or run the other direction.
so "loving" someone that you have not even dated is a little...concerning. it shows an obsessive tendency, and for a girl this is usually a red flag to stay away, in my experience.
Also, like specialmom said, if a girl feels blind-sided (she was friends with a guy and suddenly discovers he has feelings but she does not feel the same way) it can be disorienting and upsetting, because she knows that most likely that relationship is going to end badly. and no one wants to lose a friend.
as for the other answer...I agree as well. break-ups are not always dramatic, but they are also not always peaceful and loving. my last break-up was 8 1/2 years ago. my boyfriend and I had drifted apart, and one day I just decided "i'm going to college this summer, it's time to move on"...and that's how we ended it...we're still friends to this day, and he and my husband even get along great.
but i've also had the awful, break-your-heart break-ups. I much preferred the kind where we just agreed to go our separate ways. no "i love you, goodbye" just simply "goodbye, I wish you well".
most break-ups will not end in the couple kissing goodbye and remaining close friends. the saying goes "your ex is your ex for a reason" and it always applies. if there is a reason that you and your partner are breaking up, there's usually a similar reason that will keep you from being close friends.
I know that if a guy approached me with "I love you, will you be my girlfriend?" I would be freaked out, creeped out, and unlikely to be flattered. That's just TOO intense.
Besides..you really shouldn't fall in love with someone who you haven't been in a relationship with yet. Not that it doesn't happen, but we establish relationships in order to get to know someone better. Dating someone is So different than being their friend, and you will discover many things -good AND bad- that will help you either fall in love or run the other direction.
so "loving" someone that you have not even dated is a little...concerning. it shows an obsessive tendency, and for a girl this is usually a red flag to stay away, in my experience.
Also, like specialmom said, if a girl feels blind-sided (she was friends with a guy and suddenly discovers he has feelings but she does not feel the same way) it can be disorienting and upsetting, because she knows that most likely that relationship is going to end badly. and no one wants to lose a friend.
as for the other answer...I agree as well. break-ups are not always dramatic, but they are also not always peaceful and loving. my last break-up was 8 1/2 years ago. my boyfriend and I had drifted apart, and one day I just decided "i'm going to college this summer, it's time to move on"...and that's how we ended it...we're still friends to this day, and he and my husband even get along great.
but i've also had the awful, break-your-heart break-ups. I much preferred the kind where we just agreed to go our separate ways. no "i love you, goodbye" just simply "goodbye, I wish you well".
most break-ups will not end in the couple kissing goodbye and remaining close friends. the saying goes "your ex is your ex for a reason" and it always applies. if there is a reason that you and your partner are breaking up, there's usually a similar reason that will keep you from being close friends.
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If someone gets upset that is your friend that you pronounce love for and ask to go straight to girlfriend status---- well, they might get upset because it is changing the dynamics of the relationship. They may not be interested in dating and now know the friendship will never be the same. They may feel played like you wanted to 'be with them' all along and pretended to just want friendship in the beginning. All would indicate that they are not interested in you (not you specifically but the you in the scenario) in a romantic way or this would be welcome news.
I think that if we happen to develop romantic feelings for someone that we've been friends with, the best way to handle it is to be honest---- but not over the top (I love you, will you be my girlfriend is TOO much). Tell them that you are starting to have feelings for them that are more than friends and would like to explore that more. Like, how about an actual date? They'll respond positively or negatively to that. I'd also make sure that you don't develop these feelings for friend after friend.
The second question is about break ups. They aren't always dramatic. There are times when mature adults realize that the person they are with isn't right for them and they cordially break it off. One is usually more sad than the other but both will experience a loss. I've broken up with someone I cared about but knew we weren't a good match---- and I was sad. It was hard. But it was the right thing to do. There are other times in which people explode with emotion.
No break up is the same. I've had many in my lifetime and all were different. Some better than others. Some left me crying in the carpet face down. Some left me wanting to plot revenge (I DIDN'T DO IT!!). Some left me more relieved than I can tell you. I'm married now many years but those memories are still there of all sorts of break ups.
Don't know if I answered your question but gave it my best shot! Good luck