Aa
is it really me?????
i am 33 yrs old,a mother of 7 and 9 yrs old boys, legally married but practically separated, kids and him are back home i am working overseas and long before i left home for work me a& my husband live in the same house in a different bed. i have several relationship here, but somehow i feel they always leave me, for no apparent reason..just disappear.now i am dating for a month now a guy who is 6 years younger than me, meet him thru a friend & not ever imagine he will like me.i look younger than my age,looks 25 i guess but with big built, chubby or for an Asian i can be considered fat.never the less, apparently his interested with me, we chatted at first coz he went to his 2 weeks vacation back to US also to arranged the divorce filed by his wife after almost 2 yrs of marriage.this is wife no.2..yes he is in his 2nd divorce.when he went back to here we hang around, agreed we will take it easy, 1st 2 weeks was ok, he spent almost all his spare time with me, sleeps in my house on an everyday basis...i was happy, until we went to party and he get tipsy..told me not to expect long term relationship with him & dont expect him to marry me, which i dont...am trying to understand him coz i know he's still bitter with the divorce considering she is his 1st love.i keep it cool.until he bought his new car...then he started not sleeping in my house, no time for me, no text no messages, i even noticed whever i go online he goes offline..or just me...how will i go about it???should i continue with him?am really tired of changing and taking chances..is it me the prob or its just choosing the wrong persons???????????please advice
I can fully respect and understand your situation as this is unfortunately common in alot of countries (third world) and there aren't any "clearcut" solutions to this. You do what you have to do to survive and usually these situations are not ideal but have to be done. Sometimes people in first world countries don't realize how good it is where they are.
What country are from?
What country are from?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hm. Well, that is a difficult situation. I think for some, it would be a deal breaker that you are still married, have kids elsewhere that are young, etc. Why can't your kids come and live where you are? Don't get me wrong---- I think you have to do what is best for your family (I guess your kids as you do not want to be married to your husband)----- and feel what you are doing is best or your only option.
I don't know what the answer is. If you can not divorce ---- you ARE kind of stuck. Some will accept dating you long term I suppose but some will not. I'm sorry for the culture that you live in in which you can't get a divorce.
So, again---- I don't know what the answer is. I live in a different type of situation in which you are able to do things in order---------- divorce and then date verses never being able to divorce.
Hope you find your answers at some point. The man in question has much going on as well and with the complications of both your lives, it wounds too complex to work. good luck
I don't know what the answer is. If you can not divorce ---- you ARE kind of stuck. Some will accept dating you long term I suppose but some will not. I'm sorry for the culture that you live in in which you can't get a divorce.
So, again---- I don't know what the answer is. I live in a different type of situation in which you are able to do things in order---------- divorce and then date verses never being able to divorce.
Hope you find your answers at some point. The man in question has much going on as well and with the complications of both your lives, it wounds too complex to work. good luck
thank you to all for taking time to read and respond to my question.would like to address all proposed question as much as i could.
1. what am i doing overseas and acting like a single person? as a mother like most of you, if i have a choice, not in my wildest dream that i will leave my children, its that we r not so lucky and privileged to find a decent job in our country to give our children a better future.not running away from my responsibility, not to live like a single free person but to work apart from my kids, friends, leave my career and work with people of different nationality and think that they r superior than us coz we r earning money from their country with the hope that with this i can give whats best for my kids. i dont just left my kids, they are with their father and im sending money to sustain all their needs.need t work or we will all die together of hunger and ignorance.
2. why not go home and get a divorce before dating? thats a very good suggestion only if its applicable to me and its not because i came from a country without a divorce law. u may not believe but its true. our law makers r just puppet of the catholic church who opposed the divorce law, small minded people who are thinking if we will have divorce everybody will get it, so better we dont have it, does it mean we are not entitled to have a life and hope to be happy after realizing that we are trap in a piece of paper.
3. with this current guy, i agree that we have our own baggage that might affect our relationship.
nevertheless i thank you all for your thought and time, u may not imagine that there people leaving on the other part of this world who were in a very complicated situation but still hopes that one day, we will find a way to cope up or to be happy.
yes maybe it is me...maybe i should stop hoping to be happy and just accept that this is my fate, to alone away from home.
i have a friend, in the same situation, he got a divorced bf also, she have 3 kids and the bf dont mind it but rather accept all of them as his own. theirs maybe a very rare situation.
1. what am i doing overseas and acting like a single person? as a mother like most of you, if i have a choice, not in my wildest dream that i will leave my children, its that we r not so lucky and privileged to find a decent job in our country to give our children a better future.not running away from my responsibility, not to live like a single free person but to work apart from my kids, friends, leave my career and work with people of different nationality and think that they r superior than us coz we r earning money from their country with the hope that with this i can give whats best for my kids. i dont just left my kids, they are with their father and im sending money to sustain all their needs.need t work or we will all die together of hunger and ignorance.
2. why not go home and get a divorce before dating? thats a very good suggestion only if its applicable to me and its not because i came from a country without a divorce law. u may not believe but its true. our law makers r just puppet of the catholic church who opposed the divorce law, small minded people who are thinking if we will have divorce everybody will get it, so better we dont have it, does it mean we are not entitled to have a life and hope to be happy after realizing that we are trap in a piece of paper.
3. with this current guy, i agree that we have our own baggage that might affect our relationship.
nevertheless i thank you all for your thought and time, u may not imagine that there people leaving on the other part of this world who were in a very complicated situation but still hopes that one day, we will find a way to cope up or to be happy.
yes maybe it is me...maybe i should stop hoping to be happy and just accept that this is my fate, to alone away from home.
i have a friend, in the same situation, he got a divorced bf also, she have 3 kids and the bf dont mind it but rather accept all of them as his own. theirs maybe a very rare situation.
Well Im sorry if this sounds judgemental, but why did you leave the kids? I dont care about the man or father of the kids because the two of you are adults but what about the kids you gave birth too? Is it them? Do you think the kids ask the same question? Is it me? So anyway please give that some thought.
For the current guy. He is pretty much told you that your relationship is a no go long term and has baggage of his own. With all the baggage you both bring to the relationship, how can it possibly work out for good for both of you.
I think I have to agree with specialmom. Get back home, clean up and take things from there.
For the current guy. He is pretty much told you that your relationship is a no go long term and has baggage of his own. With all the baggage you both bring to the relationship, how can it possibly work out for good for both of you.
I think I have to agree with specialmom. Get back home, clean up and take things from there.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ha, knowing that isn't the question--- the poster is asking why men leave her. I believe that her being away from her children is part of that answer. That would not be something that say someone who wanted to have a family would find attractive.
The title of the post is "is it me?" And in answering that question--- YES. I think that the way she's handled her marraige and family is part of the problem. That makes her unattractive as a partner.
but I always love and agree with londres. Just explaining why the kids were brought into it on my end.
The title of the post is "is it me?" And in answering that question--- YES. I think that the way she's handled her marraige and family is part of the problem. That makes her unattractive as a partner.
but I always love and agree with londres. Just explaining why the kids were brought into it on my end.
I am not going to address the situation with your children and being a better mother to them because that really wasn't your question. Plus, I don't fully know the circumstances why you have to work overseas.
BTW: No need to continue any relationship with this current bf because he has pretty much moved on. It's over dear.
You are picking men who are in the same situation you are in......UNAVAILABLE for anything serious or long-term. Think about it....how can anyone have a SERIOUS or LONG-TERM relationship with someone who is STILL legally married? What exactly were you really expecting?
You need to put more thought into figuring out what you need to do with your current marriage and NOT looking for someone else to have a long-term or serious relationship with. You have "unfinished" business to take care of. Separation ISN'T a permanent solution.
BTW: No need to continue any relationship with this current bf because he has pretty much moved on. It's over dear.
You are picking men who are in the same situation you are in......UNAVAILABLE for anything serious or long-term. Think about it....how can anyone have a SERIOUS or LONG-TERM relationship with someone who is STILL legally married? What exactly were you really expecting?
You need to put more thought into figuring out what you need to do with your current marriage and NOT looking for someone else to have a long-term or serious relationship with. You have "unfinished" business to take care of. Separation ISN'T a permanent solution.
I agree with specialmom. You need to get your own act together before you an be "dating" anyone. I say it will be YEARS befoe you should consider dating. Your children are young and need a mother. They grow up fast and so give them your attention and love NOW. The most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself, It’s the model for every other relationship you enter into. So be kind to yourself and work on your self and THEN - years from now-maybe you can "date".
COMMUNITY LEADER
Perhaps these men leave you because you really aren't available. I always recommend to anyone that is dating someone 'in limbo' or who is still attached in some way to end the relationship.
I have to just ask--- with no judgement, I promise---- but what are you doing with our life? You have two young children that you've left in another country and are there acting like a single person when you are not.
I would move back to the country where your children live, seek your divorce, and be a parent to those kids.
I would think that after you get into a better position to be available to date, someone may see you as a better match. Until then, you are a married woman, living as a single person far away from your children who need you.
good luck
I have to just ask--- with no judgement, I promise---- but what are you doing with our life? You have two young children that you've left in another country and are there acting like a single person when you are not.
I would move back to the country where your children live, seek your divorce, and be a parent to those kids.
I would think that after you get into a better position to be available to date, someone may see you as a better match. Until then, you are a married woman, living as a single person far away from your children who need you.
good luck
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