Aa
"its not you, its me"
"Its not you, its me"
This was the the main line that my breakup revolved around.
We had been together for 3 years and a few months. We attend college together and see eachother for a good amount of time and everything. I noticed the relationship slowing down when she had called a break almost a year ago. She called it and broke it off in one day, so it was a less than a day break up. Just recently at college she began taking classes with her friends from her work where she sort of pushed them into me. What i mean by that is that we would always be alone, just the two of us, while eating and hanging out at college. But her friends were just always with her after a while.
--picture a pack of dogs that are hungry.. when someone throws a steak in the middle, all the dogs are going to run and gather to eat it... I was the dog who stood in the back and never got any..
I was left out of thier conversations because of the things they had in common. And seriously i mean it was like i was totally ignored from them. I always sat quiet with rarely something to say. --which is another reason why i left.. I didnt want her to feel that she had to give me attention to make me comfortable. -If i left her alone to be with her friends, she would have a better time-right? so soon i let her just go and be with them by herself. You know?-let her have her time with them and give-her her "space". I did that for some flexibilty and avoiding crowding her. I didnt want her to get tired of me-you know?
So she was hanging out with them for a whole 3 months or so without me around as often. We were with eachother for rides to college, home from college, and also on dates from time to time(we hadnt lived with eachother). Were still young in our 20s so we didnt live with eachother yet.
So the holidays had gone by with no problems. We still texted, talked on the phone, said "I love you's",-what couples do. I noticed we were slowing down by her giving me a 1-kiss hello and goodbye for a while. She stopped acting the way a girldfriend should(which she admitted during the breakup). She wasnt feeling the way that i still do-And it was was that which she felt guilty of. She said that it was unfair to me that I absolutely adored her, and she was absent of those feelings. But during the break up she told me she needed space. "Space?". I mean it was like she was having space already. We were seeing less of eachother than we ever did. Right now the space I gave her, and the breakup arent too much of a different feeling. Away from her now feels just kind of normal.. It hurts though. To know that there is less of a chance of being with her as we both had planned and talked about for years. Growing old together . and we were serious of it.
So she needed space to "find herself". She wanted to find herself and stop making everyone happy. She told me that She had honestly stayed with me after the first breakup to keep everyone happy. By "everyone" she meant her family, my family, and also myself. She stayed with me and told herself that she would grow out everything and feel what she had from the beggining.
She is a wondeful person who has been my best friend since elementary school. We know so much about eachother that keeps me from understanding why she wanted to take a break. As i said before, it was already given to her, and still was. So-- "Its not you, its me". She told me that as corny as that sounded, it was the truth. She told me that I was a great partner in every aspect and it was "her" who need the space to find herself. She wanted people to stop approaching her wondering where i was. She wants some independent notice. She told me that she loves me, but doesnt LOVE ME-love me the way that I love her. So im just looking for some guidance and advice. --
I know theres a chance of going back at it in the future. I just want to know if i should keep my hopes up-- if i should wait her selfconflict out. I honestly feel that i cant just flip a switch and give someone else what i have given her. Im honestly afraid to date again anytime soon. Do i still stand a chance in this? any similar stories? Thank you for further advice and guidance. --Thank You
This was the the main line that my breakup revolved around.
We had been together for 3 years and a few months. We attend college together and see eachother for a good amount of time and everything. I noticed the relationship slowing down when she had called a break almost a year ago. She called it and broke it off in one day, so it was a less than a day break up. Just recently at college she began taking classes with her friends from her work where she sort of pushed them into me. What i mean by that is that we would always be alone, just the two of us, while eating and hanging out at college. But her friends were just always with her after a while.
--picture a pack of dogs that are hungry.. when someone throws a steak in the middle, all the dogs are going to run and gather to eat it... I was the dog who stood in the back and never got any..
I was left out of thier conversations because of the things they had in common. And seriously i mean it was like i was totally ignored from them. I always sat quiet with rarely something to say. --which is another reason why i left.. I didnt want her to feel that she had to give me attention to make me comfortable. -If i left her alone to be with her friends, she would have a better time-right? so soon i let her just go and be with them by herself. You know?-let her have her time with them and give-her her "space". I did that for some flexibilty and avoiding crowding her. I didnt want her to get tired of me-you know?
So she was hanging out with them for a whole 3 months or so without me around as often. We were with eachother for rides to college, home from college, and also on dates from time to time(we hadnt lived with eachother). Were still young in our 20s so we didnt live with eachother yet.
So the holidays had gone by with no problems. We still texted, talked on the phone, said "I love you's",-what couples do. I noticed we were slowing down by her giving me a 1-kiss hello and goodbye for a while. She stopped acting the way a girldfriend should(which she admitted during the breakup). She wasnt feeling the way that i still do-And it was was that which she felt guilty of. She said that it was unfair to me that I absolutely adored her, and she was absent of those feelings. But during the break up she told me she needed space. "Space?". I mean it was like she was having space already. We were seeing less of eachother than we ever did. Right now the space I gave her, and the breakup arent too much of a different feeling. Away from her now feels just kind of normal.. It hurts though. To know that there is less of a chance of being with her as we both had planned and talked about for years. Growing old together . and we were serious of it.
So she needed space to "find herself". She wanted to find herself and stop making everyone happy. She told me that She had honestly stayed with me after the first breakup to keep everyone happy. By "everyone" she meant her family, my family, and also myself. She stayed with me and told herself that she would grow out everything and feel what she had from the beggining.
She is a wondeful person who has been my best friend since elementary school. We know so much about eachother that keeps me from understanding why she wanted to take a break. As i said before, it was already given to her, and still was. So-- "Its not you, its me". She told me that as corny as that sounded, it was the truth. She told me that I was a great partner in every aspect and it was "her" who need the space to find herself. She wanted people to stop approaching her wondering where i was. She wants some independent notice. She told me that she loves me, but doesnt LOVE ME-love me the way that I love her. So im just looking for some guidance and advice. --
I know theres a chance of going back at it in the future. I just want to know if i should keep my hopes up-- if i should wait her selfconflict out. I honestly feel that i cant just flip a switch and give someone else what i have given her. Im honestly afraid to date again anytime soon. Do i still stand a chance in this? any similar stories? Thank you for further advice and guidance. --Thank You
My take:
She truely is a very,very nice - very,very kind person. She is letting You down gently -which also speaks of You and how You have been with Her. She isn't faulting You - and that's a good thing. I know You are hurt to lose Her and maybe She really does only need/want space to find HerSelf (You're both very young) and maybe She will return to You - and maybe She won't. So, go on, get on with Your life and You too may find something else, something new. Maybe You won't.... and maybe She won't.... and in that case maybe She will be back - and if She's not - perhaps You will have found something more/different.
Bottom line is: You do have to move on, You do have to have a life. No, don't wait for Her but IF She does return and IF You are still available and wanting of Her then that's the end of a good story !!
and You will live "Happily Ever After" knowing that You each had "space" and in the end decided to return to one another.
Good wishes,
Tink
She truely is a very,very nice - very,very kind person. She is letting You down gently -which also speaks of You and how You have been with Her. She isn't faulting You - and that's a good thing. I know You are hurt to lose Her and maybe She really does only need/want space to find HerSelf (You're both very young) and maybe She will return to You - and maybe She won't. So, go on, get on with Your life and You too may find something else, something new. Maybe You won't.... and maybe She won't.... and in that case maybe She will be back - and if She's not - perhaps You will have found something more/different.
Bottom line is: You do have to move on, You do have to have a life. No, don't wait for Her but IF She does return and IF You are still available and wanting of Her then that's the end of a good story !!
and You will live "Happily Ever After" knowing that You each had "space" and in the end decided to return to one another.
Good wishes,
Tink
Breaking up is always hard especialy when u try everything u can to stop it before it happens. No matter how much you love her you have to love yourself more. I agree with every1 else. You should take this time to live for yourself for a while make some new friends maybe have a few dates just try to make urself happy for a while if she comes back in a yr or what ever then maybe it will work maybe not but u may also realise that u dont really want her at all that u just are so use to being together that u think u do... just dont waste ur time waiting for her when she may never come back its not fair to u
Been there; done that.
Yup, I've been the "dumper" and the "dumpee."
And, rejection, whether it's from someone you were in a relationship with, or just someone you're asking out casually for coffee, hurts. However, I feel much worse for those that have grown to love the person, and then have to figure out a life... without them.
Believe me... in the fullness of time, the hurt will fade. Then, quite unexpectedly, another girl will come along for you; and, you'll wonder how you ever got this far in life... without her.
Yup, I've been the "dumper" and the "dumpee."
And, rejection, whether it's from someone you were in a relationship with, or just someone you're asking out casually for coffee, hurts. However, I feel much worse for those that have grown to love the person, and then have to figure out a life... without them.
Believe me... in the fullness of time, the hurt will fade. Then, quite unexpectedly, another girl will come along for you; and, you'll wonder how you ever got this far in life... without her.
Her self conflict revolves around how to tell you she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you and not feeling guilty about it due to your long history together and the fact that you're a decent guy.
She's not conflicted in whether she wants to be in a relationship with you, and "space" is her gentle way of saying she wants you to let her go.
She's said she's not in love with you, she doesn't return your feelings, but she apparently says those things in such a sweet way that somehow you don't believe they are true.
I agree with Brice. It ***** to be dumped and you're resisting it tooth and nail and she's not strong and confident enough to make her words ring clearer to you.
Best wishes. This is hard.
She's not conflicted in whether she wants to be in a relationship with you, and "space" is her gentle way of saying she wants you to let her go.
She's said she's not in love with you, she doesn't return your feelings, but she apparently says those things in such a sweet way that somehow you don't believe they are true.
I agree with Brice. It ***** to be dumped and you're resisting it tooth and nail and she's not strong and confident enough to make her words ring clearer to you.
Best wishes. This is hard.
Man, you have a few ways to look at this thing. It ***** getting dumped, and I personally think it's worse when the damn things slowly erodes into nothing. But here's the kicker, you know about it now, not after a ring is bought and a real commitment is made.
If she wants her space, give it to her. By that I mean that it isn't fair for her to make you a matter of convenience for her. (When she wants a boyfriend, she has you.) Obviously, that is not what a relationship is all about. And take into account that you said that being away from her is starting to feel normal.... sounds a bit like you are over her. (Just guessing)
Dude, the pack of dogs reference says a lot. I'd be plenty ready to move on. Concentrate on you, making you the best you there is. It'll up your worth on the playing field. BE true to yourself and be true to the women you become involved with. If your not in it for a long relationship-let them know. If this is just a booty call- let them know. At the very least they cant call you dishonest, and honesty goes a long way even these days.
If she wants her space, give it to her. By that I mean that it isn't fair for her to make you a matter of convenience for her. (When she wants a boyfriend, she has you.) Obviously, that is not what a relationship is all about. And take into account that you said that being away from her is starting to feel normal.... sounds a bit like you are over her. (Just guessing)
Dude, the pack of dogs reference says a lot. I'd be plenty ready to move on. Concentrate on you, making you the best you there is. It'll up your worth on the playing field. BE true to yourself and be true to the women you become involved with. If your not in it for a long relationship-let them know. If this is just a booty call- let them know. At the very least they cant call you dishonest, and honesty goes a long way even these days.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
