Aa
feeling very angry right now
So, for those of you new to this post, read my other posts to know where i'm coming from........
If it wasn't bad enough that i couldn't be there for my son's first day of highschool, now i've got my ex husband's girlfriend telling my daughter (and facebook) of how she took MY SON to his first day of highschool, how scared he was, how she was there and took photos , blah blah blah, like really? As if its not bad enough, not only did i miss taking my son to his first day of high school, now she gets to gloat about it? like really, 1 year on the scene and you want to take credit for the last 12 years i have put into my son? Did you give birth, did you take him to his first year of school? and where were you when he was upset and needed comforting or a band aid for his knee? Maybe i'm being petty, i don't know, but it just angers me with the way i am hurting right now, i mean, i am his mother, i have cared, loved and raised him all his life and some girlfriend comes along and wants to take all the credit? maybe my emotions are running red hot right now, but honestly, have some people no empathy? This woman has no children of her own, and i feel she is moving in on MY children to look better in my ex's eyes or to fill the void in her own childless life. I want her to back off and realise this delicate situation, i feel she doesnt understand anything i might be feeling because she doesn't and can't have children of her own. And before anyone starts on me, no, i am not jealous of her, i am glad my kids love her since she is in their lives 50% of the time, but how could anyone be so heartless?
If it wasn't bad enough that i couldn't be there for my son's first day of highschool, now i've got my ex husband's girlfriend telling my daughter (and facebook) of how she took MY SON to his first day of highschool, how scared he was, how she was there and took photos , blah blah blah, like really? As if its not bad enough, not only did i miss taking my son to his first day of high school, now she gets to gloat about it? like really, 1 year on the scene and you want to take credit for the last 12 years i have put into my son? Did you give birth, did you take him to his first year of school? and where were you when he was upset and needed comforting or a band aid for his knee? Maybe i'm being petty, i don't know, but it just angers me with the way i am hurting right now, i mean, i am his mother, i have cared, loved and raised him all his life and some girlfriend comes along and wants to take all the credit? maybe my emotions are running red hot right now, but honestly, have some people no empathy? This woman has no children of her own, and i feel she is moving in on MY children to look better in my ex's eyes or to fill the void in her own childless life. I want her to back off and realise this delicate situation, i feel she doesnt understand anything i might be feeling because she doesn't and can't have children of her own. And before anyone starts on me, no, i am not jealous of her, i am glad my kids love her since she is in their lives 50% of the time, but how could anyone be so heartless?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, I don't think you should look for a lifetime of difficulty with your son. I believe in positive energy. You keep on loving him and being good to him and I really believe he will turn around hon. He's at a vulnerable age, those pesky preteen years. Keep strong and know that things change quickly and could change back to the other direction. Believe this will get better and it most likely will!!
What you can do for a therapist is often related to how your healthcare is run. In the states, that is often the driving force to finding a therapist. You call your insurance and ask who is someone that is a care provider for them and you get a list. Then you narrow that down from their location, their reputation, their web site, etc. Another way to find one is to ask your primary care doctor for a referral as well as anyone you know that may seek therapy. Even your kid's school counselor might have good information to offer you.
but that is in the states. Australia has public healthcare so I am not sure. I'd ask your primary care doctor as a good starting point.
But sweetie, I so hope this gets better. I think in my heart of hearts it will. peace and hugs
What you can do for a therapist is often related to how your healthcare is run. In the states, that is often the driving force to finding a therapist. You call your insurance and ask who is someone that is a care provider for them and you get a list. Then you narrow that down from their location, their reputation, their web site, etc. Another way to find one is to ask your primary care doctor for a referral as well as anyone you know that may seek therapy. Even your kid's school counselor might have good information to offer you.
but that is in the states. Australia has public healthcare so I am not sure. I'd ask your primary care doctor as a good starting point.
But sweetie, I so hope this gets better. I think in my heart of hearts it will. peace and hugs
This sounds like me 20 years ago. I hope your situation plays out in a positive way somehow. My daughter holds me responsible for her addiction. My son blames me for his shyness. I can't realistically take responsibility for either of those conditions, but there are other things I did poorly ... could have done better. Just hear this, that my decisions DID play a role in how I got to the place where you find me today. Not good, right? So much estrangement, so much dishonesty, so much blame and guilt ... anger ... and I'm bi-polar with doctors trying to prescribe goofball drugs to me. Hah! My being bi-polar has certainly negatively clouded my decision making over the years, and I would have done better to have curbed my tendency towards behaving impulsively. On a few occasions since I was in your shoes, I made good decisions, but those sometimes hurt people too. My bad decisions have hurt almost everyone but mostly me. If you're like me, you'll seek wisdom everywhere. It's astounding how intelligent we get when we're measuring our every contact with those closest to us without provoking more negativity. I do not envy you this situation. I hope you take very very good care of yourself now and in the years to come. You are a quality person. If the gf is also a quality person, you stand a chance of a good outcome in my opinion.
Thankyou both for your words of advice, I know I need therapy, but just don't know where to start on finding someone professional to help me. I just feel like there is drama after drama in my life, just when it feels like I get over one obstacle, another one pops right up. If they were simple day to day issues, I'd be ok, but they always seem to be bigger. I am going to take all the excellent advice you have given me and use it. Thankyou all so much :)
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree with londres. It sounds so hard and I'm really sorry that this is the situation. I think you should have faith in your heart that you've raised this child. You've given him your heart and soul and deep down he knows this. That is always inside of him. This is the 'honeymoon' period. remember that. Real life will set in.
I'd say directly to your boy that you are happy if he is happy. That you do really miss him because you love him so much but what you want most is for him to be happy. Leave it at that with him. Your baby is in there somewhere.
Your ex sounds so insensitive and I'm very sorry. I hope this does work out that your son eventually wants to come back to you. My heat hurts for you. good luck
I'd say directly to your boy that you are happy if he is happy. That you do really miss him because you love him so much but what you want most is for him to be happy. Leave it at that with him. Your baby is in there somewhere.
Your ex sounds so insensitive and I'm very sorry. I hope this does work out that your son eventually wants to come back to you. My heat hurts for you. good luck
Hon, are you seeking therapy at all?
There is a lot going on here and I think you should really consult a professional for the sake of your mental health.
These situations aren't the easiest to deal with especially since all parties aren't willing to work together and therapy can give you the proper tools to deal with this.
Your ex sounds like total scum and I feel for you. I would definitely direct all frustration towards the ex and not the gf. I am sure your ex has orchestrated all this. Who knows what he is telling this gf. He probably told the gf not to talk with you. I am guessing he doesn't want you two to get close.
Get into therapy for you OWN sake.
There is a lot going on here and I think you should really consult a professional for the sake of your mental health.
These situations aren't the easiest to deal with especially since all parties aren't willing to work together and therapy can give you the proper tools to deal with this.
Your ex sounds like total scum and I feel for you. I would definitely direct all frustration towards the ex and not the gf. I am sure your ex has orchestrated all this. Who knows what he is telling this gf. He probably told the gf not to talk with you. I am guessing he doesn't want you two to get close.
Get into therapy for you OWN sake.
So it's been just over a week now, and wow what a week it's been, not having my son has just consumed me. He is the last thing I think of before I go to sleep at night, and the first thing I think of when I wake up. I have tried to stay strong, but I panic when I think about where he is now, and because his father can be very manipulative and persuading, I just know he will never come back now that his father has him in his clutches. The girlfriend refuses to speak to me or even get out of the car to say hello, the only time I've met her was 2 years ago when we were introduced. Since then she's kept her distance, and I haven't thought too much about it, but now she is taking care of my son, I think she will need to be a bit more communicative. My son has a dental appointment early Thursday morning, and I told my ex I will be going too as I still want to know what's going on, then he says the girlfriend is taking him because he has to work, and I said ok that's fine, I'll meet them there. Well that must've sent her into a panic because 20 min later he tells me no, he is taking our son there now, and I just ok, because I don't care who takes him there, I will still be going. It's regarding his braces, and since I'm the one who got them on for him and been taking him to all this appointments, I still need to be in the loop and know what's happening with them. I jut feel sick to the stomach, wondering if my ex is going to start playing his games, because I still want to be in my sons life and be there as much as I can for him, and I just know my ex will try and poison my sons mind and before I know it, I will not have a relationship with my son. That would just kill me. Also, I don't like the way my ex has said to me in front of our son, 'oh he's so happy here' I feel like my son should be telling me that, not him, and I feel for my boy as he might be feeling under pressure. My poor daughter has suffered through this as well, she went there on the weekend and she felt like an outsider, her father was busy in the shed with her brother, and my son was teasing her saying how fun it is at dads, and when she left to come home he said 'have fun at your house' in a very smug way. So I think their relationship will be ruined as well. And deep down they are so close. The whole thing is just a mess.
Hey there. Sorry to hear this happened. I know seeing that post was hard for you.
I think Specialmom hit this one on the head. Keep your head up and keep moving forward!
I think Specialmom hit this one on the head. Keep your head up and keep moving forward!
I agree with the others, but I'll say I think you feeling the way you do is TOTALLY normal. The way things went down, how could you NOT feel angry and resentful?
I know it's easier said than done, but I agree that it's best if you can try to steer clear of her (and his if he has one) FB pages for a while, until you're not so raw.
Be kind to yourself....and know that this will take some time.
Sorry you're going through this.
I know it's easier said than done, but I agree that it's best if you can try to steer clear of her (and his if he has one) FB pages for a while, until you're not so raw.
Be kind to yourself....and know that this will take some time.
Sorry you're going through this.
Well, I'm not going to "start in on you", and I agree with what you said in your last thread, that mothers who have been through this understand your emotions better than mothers who haven't been through it.
I haven't been through this, I'll say it right now, so my perspective may be different.
Is it possible that her intentions are pure, that she really does enjoy your son, that she feels blessed that although she is childless she is able to nurture and enjoy her boyfriend's children and fill that void in her life - and in your son's life - he certainly needed help that first day and since he's chosen to live with his dad, she was the one to do it.
I don't know her but I'm always thrilled to see stepmothers/girlfriends of the father who aren't the wicked witch of the west to the stepkids, because let me tell you, the world is full of stepparents making kids lives a living hell.
His home there won't be like that.
I haven't been through this, I'll say it right now, so my perspective may be different.
Is it possible that her intentions are pure, that she really does enjoy your son, that she feels blessed that although she is childless she is able to nurture and enjoy her boyfriend's children and fill that void in her life - and in your son's life - he certainly needed help that first day and since he's chosen to live with his dad, she was the one to do it.
I don't know her but I'm always thrilled to see stepmothers/girlfriends of the father who aren't the wicked witch of the west to the stepkids, because let me tell you, the world is full of stepparents making kids lives a living hell.
His home there won't be like that.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Salt in the wound. You are so raw from the newness of this that certainly this would hurt. Ugh. I would not read her facebook although I'm sure that is hard because you WANT to know what is going on over there . . . it's like a glimpse. But that she is acting like a mother hurts because yOU want to be there for him. That is understandable. I would allow some time to pass.
The girlfriend probably isn't totally aware---- she thinks she is helping him and making the transition easier, which she even might be.
But it throws salt in your wound.
and writing about it on facebook (which I HATE facebook, causes so many problems for people) may be her style of writing what is going on--- is she like that? I would hope she isn't trying to gloat or rub anything in. That would be of low character at this sensitive time.
give yourself time to heal. Do you get to see your boy this weekend?
The girlfriend probably isn't totally aware---- she thinks she is helping him and making the transition easier, which she even might be.
But it throws salt in your wound.
and writing about it on facebook (which I HATE facebook, causes so many problems for people) may be her style of writing what is going on--- is she like that? I would hope she isn't trying to gloat or rub anything in. That would be of low character at this sensitive time.
give yourself time to heal. Do you get to see your boy this weekend?
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