Aa
never had a date
I'm 47 and i have never had a date with a women in my life. I'm really scared around women and i'm ugly so i never asked any one out. i've never even kissed a women or anything. i suffer from deppresion most of my life and have social anxity disorder. i'm in treatment but i'm still scared.
I was surprised that you did not catch that one, You are very good at finding and correcting your mistakes. It was a funny one.LOL
I am 27 and at my age sex does matter quite a lot, and looks too. Now I can say I am sexually experienced, but my boyfriend isn't...he only had sex one time before we started dating and that was 4 years ago...so no experience at all, and I can tell you that is quite pleasing to me, I don't have to worry about no STDs or maybe me not performing, pretty much I teach him and he learns pretty quick so its all good. Also he is going bald...at 27 thats something you don't look for, but I have learned to love that man so much I don't care if his hair falls tomorrow, I will still see him extremelly hot. He also has a tooth thats pushed back...I don't care at all, as I said, I love him soooooo much I find him super sexy even with his physical imperfections. So you see, love pretty much does make you blind! don't worry about your looks, if you are lucky to find someone who loves you, trust me, for her you will be absolutelly adorable no matter what. Now you might be thinking I must be some ugly chick who happened to find an ugly guy...thats not the case, though I don't consider myself out of the regular or like magazine front page model, I do realize I am attractive. Trust me, you need to gain confidence in yourself, go out and find friends, do you have woman that are just that, friends? see if you start by just friends you don't have to be scared of being rejected, everyone wants a good friend, that way you can get more comfortable being around women and eventually venture yourself into the conquer of a girlfriend!
best wishes!!
Caro
best wishes!!
Caro
I agree with STD, you have to at least try. Love should be simple and natural. You must begin with you. Building up your self confidence and accepting yourself as you are. Get involved in volunteer work and you just might meet someone who will care about you for who you are. With time, looks fade and what is important is the heart and accepting people for who the are inside. Good Luck and go out there and at least try.
I can tell you as a fact, if you simply try, you will succeed in finding a nice woman.
You must be proactive though. Try meeting some and get to be friends with them. The lack of experience won't matter at all to a decent person. In fact, looks won't matter either. Many people are looking for someone to talk to, laugh with, a person they can depend on, etc...
Just get out there and TRY.
You must be proactive though. Try meeting some and get to be friends with them. The lack of experience won't matter at all to a decent person. In fact, looks won't matter either. Many people are looking for someone to talk to, laugh with, a person they can depend on, etc...
Just get out there and TRY.
You need to take advantage of you volunteer work. What a good way to meet people, when you are walking the dogs go to a dog park. The dogs can be a good ice breaker. Who can resist a man with a cut dog, but it all starts with you and if you won't something bad enough you will find a way to get passed the fear.
Like I said in my last post to you need to put yourself out there.
Love does not come easy you have to work at it.
Like I said in my last post to you need to put yourself out there.
Love does not come easy you have to work at it.
ALL WOMEN DO NOT WANT AN EXPERIENCED MAN! Believe it or not some women love to play teacher. You need to get out there and be the man you know deep down you can be! You got it!
Please find a way to LOVE YOURSELF, how can anyone fall in love with you if you can't stand your self. You are much to hard on yourself always finding the bad. You need to look @ the glass 1/2 full rather then 1/2 empty.
Have you talked to you therapist about the burning ?
About the size and the experience, every one is different. Just because a woman has experienced intimacy does not make her an expert. Size does not matter, if you are caring and loving and let her know that your truly care about her and her feeling, that is the biggest turn on. You need to get out there and start trying to meet people. You are getting a head of your self already thinking she is not going to be satisfied and you haven't even meet her yet. Good Luck, and have a little more self confidence.
Have you talked to you therapist about the burning ?
About the size and the experience, every one is different. Just because a woman has experienced intimacy does not make her an expert. Size does not matter, if you are caring and loving and let her know that your truly care about her and her feeling, that is the biggest turn on. You need to get out there and start trying to meet people. You are getting a head of your self already thinking she is not going to be satisfied and you haven't even meet her yet. Good Luck, and have a little more self confidence.
I understand what you mean but your more then likly being harder on yourself then in truth to the situation.
reading your post scare me a little please dont hurt yourself you must love yourself
Comment on them every time you get stuck some were comment on what their wearing or how they look. I dont have any experiance with the actually dating process i never get that far last time i got the lets just be friends and then it went from talking once every few days to once every few months. but i enjoyed the time i had with her you cant let these things scar you. Dont let a rejection scar you i know im one to talk but im good once they start taliking to me. So dress nice and go some places if you need to practice use people at stores. They have to talk to you its there job. Dont flirt with them just try and talk to them a little.
its a good boost. Alot of people are metting now off the net try that. Go ahead and try eharmony. But become the fan of a ton of things and start talking to as many people on the net get im and start IMing alot of people that you meet on the net. you want to just get with a women dress real nice like party nice and (bring your cash) go to a club or bar (club better people RE TRYING TO MEET OTHERS) buy lots of drinks for many girls use it as a opener. make sure you have a drink (this is why i say cash because once you run out your out and your bank account is safe) Walk up to girls who dont have a man on them and say hi you look nice can i please buy you a drink. (women dont want to pay and they want more so theyll say yes more then likly) try to keep the conversation going as long as you can. when you notice her drink is empty offer another but be cool about it. " i see your empty would you like me to get you another." dont say it right away and whatever you do dont interupt her if shes talking. it will look weird. any time she stops talking for a sec you starting talking reel her in keep her attention on you. if she keeps looking at the dance floor offer to dance.
Of course she can just take the drink and walk to her friends who will then **** block you. Dont push tohard you can keep trying to talk with her untill she ignores you when that happens she wasnt even listening to you and had no intentions of it let it go and move on. I hate to say it but its a mating game. i have not won this is just what i can tell you. The biggest player is an ugly white bald dude. I'm not even ******* kidding its because it knows what to wear and even more important hes a smooth talk who can talk woman over. and remebr this is much a card game if you always fold youll never win but if you play you may lose some times
in the end just get out there its not to late for you like uncle is two time older then his wife. and he got her awhen she was 18. Invite your coworkers or peopl you work with in any way out for a causal drink. you see a felow employee has a birthday comming up offer to have a party.
reading your post scare me a little please dont hurt yourself you must love yourself
Comment on them every time you get stuck some were comment on what their wearing or how they look. I dont have any experiance with the actually dating process i never get that far last time i got the lets just be friends and then it went from talking once every few days to once every few months. but i enjoyed the time i had with her you cant let these things scar you. Dont let a rejection scar you i know im one to talk but im good once they start taliking to me. So dress nice and go some places if you need to practice use people at stores. They have to talk to you its there job. Dont flirt with them just try and talk to them a little.
its a good boost. Alot of people are metting now off the net try that. Go ahead and try eharmony. But become the fan of a ton of things and start talking to as many people on the net get im and start IMing alot of people that you meet on the net. you want to just get with a women dress real nice like party nice and (bring your cash) go to a club or bar (club better people RE TRYING TO MEET OTHERS) buy lots of drinks for many girls use it as a opener. make sure you have a drink (this is why i say cash because once you run out your out and your bank account is safe) Walk up to girls who dont have a man on them and say hi you look nice can i please buy you a drink. (women dont want to pay and they want more so theyll say yes more then likly) try to keep the conversation going as long as you can. when you notice her drink is empty offer another but be cool about it. " i see your empty would you like me to get you another." dont say it right away and whatever you do dont interupt her if shes talking. it will look weird. any time she stops talking for a sec you starting talking reel her in keep her attention on you. if she keeps looking at the dance floor offer to dance.
Of course she can just take the drink and walk to her friends who will then **** block you. Dont push tohard you can keep trying to talk with her untill she ignores you when that happens she wasnt even listening to you and had no intentions of it let it go and move on. I hate to say it but its a mating game. i have not won this is just what i can tell you. The biggest player is an ugly white bald dude. I'm not even ******* kidding its because it knows what to wear and even more important hes a smooth talk who can talk woman over. and remebr this is much a card game if you always fold youll never win but if you play you may lose some times
in the end just get out there its not to late for you like uncle is two time older then his wife. and he got her awhen she was 18. Invite your coworkers or peopl you work with in any way out for a causal drink. you see a felow employee has a birthday comming up offer to have a party.
I see a therapist once a week and attend a psych rehab program and i'm so tired of being scared i just sometimes want it all to be over and just not wake up. i get so angry at my self sometimes i need to punish myself by burning my self since cutting dosen't hurt bad enough. Thank for your kind words and everybody else to.
I recommend that you read the works of Leo Buscaglia, aka Dr. Love. He's written many self-help books on relationships... and wrote an outstanding book on Shyness. I suspect that the Depression and the paralyzing Social Anxiety that you described is associated with being shy. I've been in your place and have felt similar insecurities... as I've struggled with shyness for most of my life.
As for what women want... we are not all the same and have varying preferences and likings that we find to be appealing. What you may think of as "small" is perfect for some women. And, inexperience isn't necessarily a hindrance... as there are always be those who will be more than happy to teach. And, as for who is ugly and who is not... "Beauty," as the saying goes, "is in the eye of the beholder."
As for what women want... we are not all the same and have varying preferences and likings that we find to be appealing. What you may think of as "small" is perfect for some women. And, inexperience isn't necessarily a hindrance... as there are always be those who will be more than happy to teach. And, as for who is ugly and who is not... "Beauty," as the saying goes, "is in the eye of the beholder."
I agree with Rock Rose, my biggest turnoff are attractive people who think they are gorgeous. That takes away their appeal and frankly they wind up looking less attractive if they have a bad personality.
I'm sitting here trying to picture what you must look like, and I'm thinking of men (and women) I know who are either very good looking or noticeably unattractive. That stuff used to matter in high school. Doesn't matter now.
Some of my favorite people would rank about a 2 on the attractive scale, just from physical looks alone, but they're popular and are a joy to be around, and get invited to stuff all the time because they are a pleasure to be with.
When I think of people whose looks are off-putting, it's people with a mean scowl on their face, or an angry voice. THAT's ugly and prickly.
First things first, it sounds like you need to develop friendships with groups of people and start to enjoy your life and your interests, and the rest will follow.
Check out meetup.com and find a book club or whatever you might be interested in getting together about, chess or whatever.
Nothing is more appealing than interested, enthusiastic people.
Some of my favorite people would rank about a 2 on the attractive scale, just from physical looks alone, but they're popular and are a joy to be around, and get invited to stuff all the time because they are a pleasure to be with.
When I think of people whose looks are off-putting, it's people with a mean scowl on their face, or an angry voice. THAT's ugly and prickly.
First things first, it sounds like you need to develop friendships with groups of people and start to enjoy your life and your interests, and the rest will follow.
Check out meetup.com and find a book club or whatever you might be interested in getting together about, chess or whatever.
Nothing is more appealing than interested, enthusiastic people.
Dude like me and the other posters said, women don't care. If its just a sexual relationship than maybe. But if u get to know someone and u connect, none of that matters as long as you treat her like she is special, looks, penis size, etc., doesn't matter. Everyone says looks are important but really is who you are that counts. Looks fade or change and if looks were really as big a deal as people make them out to be, no one would be married. Plus if a woman you get with laughs at you, she is superficial, and doesn't deserve you. There are so many lonely and single women out there waiting a nice, loyal man. Don't rob them of yourself. Your fear is making you miss out on someone special.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay, I think you are getting a little ahead of yourself. We are talking about getting to know people and comfortable dating. If you are dating someone who likes you for you and cares about you, size of things rarely matters.
I am hoping that you are seeing a therapist for self esteem . . . it would help so much. You need to believe you are lovable and everyone is lovable. But you need some help seeing this in yourself. All of the outside characteristics that you speak of are irrelavent if you find the right person. So your insides have to get stronger. A therapist should be able to help you. Also, you are taking depression/anxiety medication, correct? That is a must.
So what I've told people to do is practice. You need to practice chatting with the opposite sex. So when you go about your day, just start talking. Learn the art of comfortable small talk. The more you do it--- the more comfortable you will become. Then you can move onto contacting someone by phone. Then sitting with them one on one as in a date. Each step needs practice and the more you do it the better you get at it. You will have some flops along the way---- everyone does. Don't take it so seriously and try.
And as I said, women of our age (and I'm almost there as I'm in my 40's too) are MUCH less interested in the asthetics. They aren't asked out as much as they like . . . so you've hit gold with your demographics. Don't worry about the intimacy part until you've had a date or two. good luck
I am hoping that you are seeing a therapist for self esteem . . . it would help so much. You need to believe you are lovable and everyone is lovable. But you need some help seeing this in yourself. All of the outside characteristics that you speak of are irrelavent if you find the right person. So your insides have to get stronger. A therapist should be able to help you. Also, you are taking depression/anxiety medication, correct? That is a must.
So what I've told people to do is practice. You need to practice chatting with the opposite sex. So when you go about your day, just start talking. Learn the art of comfortable small talk. The more you do it--- the more comfortable you will become. Then you can move onto contacting someone by phone. Then sitting with them one on one as in a date. Each step needs practice and the more you do it the better you get at it. You will have some flops along the way---- everyone does. Don't take it so seriously and try.
And as I said, women of our age (and I'm almost there as I'm in my 40's too) are MUCH less interested in the asthetics. They aren't asked out as much as they like . . . so you've hit gold with your demographics. Don't worry about the intimacy part until you've had a date or two. good luck
How do you know what women want when you haven't even taken the time to get to know one? Women could care less, we want a man who will make us laugh, a man who is faithful and loyal, a man who is considerate and compassionate, a man who will go out of his way to make us feel special, a man who will listen to us and support us, a man who will be a companion to us, a man who has a good heart and treats people with kindness. I could go on and on. The last thing women around your age think about is a man who is experienced in bed and who has a big penis.
but all women want an experinced man and they will laugh at me and i know my you know what is to small to please a women. they want a man with a big thing.
I'm a little concerned. You have posted on other forums how depressed you are. I know how lonely you must feel. You need to find the courage to get out and try to meet new people. I know if you put yourself out there you will find the happiness that you are looking for, but it all starts with you.The best way to meet someone is to do thing you like. If you like to work out, make small talk at the gym.I'm sure you will be amazed how easy it is. Church is also a good place to meet someone.Community centers are also a great inexpensive way to meet someone in your area. Once you put your self out there you are going to find that it is a lot easier then you think. You will not be able to find what you are looking for if you stay in you house. I think that is your first step. I know that it is easier said then done, but you know it is not going to happen if you don't get out. Once you do you are going to be very surprised how easy it is. Look's are not everything, a woman wont's a man that is loving, understanding funny, caring and most of all respectful. Look's, if she is that superficial you probably don't wont her. Use your friends, let them know that you are interested in dating, I'm sure they can help, make it more like a social thing not so much like a date get to know someone as a friend first. Last but not least, a women is just as nerves as you are, so the more relaxed you are the better it will go. Just be your self. Make it a point to try to talk to everyone, look them in the eye when you are talking to them, really listen to what they have to say, make sure that they know that you are interested in what they are talking about .
To sum it all up.
Stop criticizing you self
Get out of your comfort zone
Start with a small introduction :say Hi to everyone you come across.
Practice :it is not going to happen over night, but the more you do it the easier it will be.
Enjoy the results : No matter what happens, the more you do it the more comfortable it will be.
Good Luck, finding that special person, Young/gma
To sum it all up.
Stop criticizing you self
Get out of your comfort zone
Start with a small introduction :say Hi to everyone you come across.
Practice :it is not going to happen over night, but the more you do it the easier it will be.
Enjoy the results : No matter what happens, the more you do it the more comfortable it will be.
Good Luck, finding that special person, Young/gma
You shouldn't say you are ugly, that's not nice to say about yourself. There's someone out there for everyone, and I'm not just saying that because I have found that people have different views on what attractive is. There is nothing to be afraid of. The worse thing someone can tell you is no, right? And if they say than that, then they weren't worth it in the first place. My brother has the same issue you do. He is 36 and is scared too. My mother was abusive to him and he was molested by my uncle. Has anything like that happened to you as well? If so, not all people are like that. Also, personality is really important. If u can be sweet and loyal and hold a job, there will be plenty of women for you. All women are looking for is someone who will love then for who they are, and the other qualities I mentioned. Sometimes if u have great qualities, looks don't matter. The qualities make you good looking.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Please don't be scared. I'm glad that you are in treatment for depression and social anxiety. Those are both so treatable these days with meds that can really help. I hope that you are taking one as usually the same drug would help with both issues.
Let me let you in on a secret . . . women of your age are waiting to be asked out. Many men seem to want the young chick . . . and dating in your own age range makes you a HOT commodity!!!
Start out as friends and try to meet someone doing something you enjoy---- health club, local coffee shop, library or book store, church, etc. It is time to start living your life and I have the best hopes for you!!!
Let me let you in on a secret . . . women of your age are waiting to be asked out. Many men seem to want the young chick . . . and dating in your own age range makes you a HOT commodity!!!
Start out as friends and try to meet someone doing something you enjoy---- health club, local coffee shop, library or book store, church, etc. It is time to start living your life and I have the best hopes for you!!!
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