so confused

Question

ok I'm currently going through a divorce and I'm pregnant with our first child. We've been separated for only three weeks but he already has a girlfriend and says he isn't in love with me anymore. I love him with all of my heart and I don't want this divorce but I feel like that if he isn't happy in our relationship, then divorce is what's best. i just can't seem to let go and be ok with a divorce, plus I want our baby to have a home with both mommy and daddy. It isn't how i was raised and it's not what i want to do. what should I do?

Judy246 · Answer

If he no longer is in love with you, let him go. The child will have a mother and father in seperate loving homes. I wouldn't want to stay with someone who doesn't love me. It will take time to heal and if you need to speak to a counselor do, but if he no longer is in love with you, it's time to start fresh with a new life for both you and your baby. Make sure to surround yourself with the support of good friends and family and that you husband take on the responsibility to financially care for the child, but start planning your life forward and move on.

imanaddict · Answer

If it's any comfort, I was 6 months pregnant with my first child when my ex husband and I split. He immediately moved in with the girl he was cheating on me with and left me stuck in a motel with no car to fend for myself. It was SOOOOO hard at first but I managed and am so glad all that (and him) are no longer my concern. The things that helped me was my friends and family. They all made sure I was never alone, and they kept me busy busy! I got my mind off of him by planning for the arrival of our son and making up for lost time with my family and friends. I didn't see a counselor during that time, but I wish I had. The raging pregnancy hormones are going to make it even more tough, so I would HIGHLY recommend speaking to a professional. In the meantime, keep yourself busy! I'm sorry this has happened and I can honestly say I've been there. Just know that it WILL get better with time and you can always come here for support as well.

teko · Answer

What a scary situation this must be for you. You only have but one choice here, and that is to accept it and move on. Your child is counting on you. You are doing what you have to do given the situation but it will be hard for you. My heart goes out to you. Evidently he is not worth having in your life and tho it is hard now, it will work for the best in the long run. I hope you have a support system, family? Lean on them and take one day at a time.

specialmom · Answer

Oh, I'm so sorry. You must be so sad and scared right now.  Ugh.  I wish I knew what to say to make it better.

I couldn't tell from your post if he is actually giving you much choice in what happens next.  If he says he is unhappy and is already dating------- it sounds like he has left.  Is this right?  If so, I'd suggest some therapy/counseling for yourself to help you sort through the emotions of this.  Do you have a supportive family you can lean on a little bit?  You need them now.  

If he is still willing to work on the relationship, then I always think it is worth a shot to resolve the situation.  But he'd need to be committed to it.  Therapy would be in order and hard work of putting a marriage back together.

I know this isn't how you wanted things--------  but your baby will be fine.  He/she is not even here yet and you are worried about him/her.  That shows me that you are going to be a great mom!  Your baby will be fine no matter what happens.  

We'll be here to help any way we can.  Good luck

penswriter · Answer

i would try marriage counseling. but you don't need a man to raise a child. my mom was a single mom for 20 years and did a great job. sure it was hard at times but you know what...i wouldn't change anything. my mom and i are super close.

Amie635 · Answer

If he has gone and got a replacement after  only 3 weeks, your better off without him. It doesn't pay much tribute to your marriage, or show a lot of respect for the mother of his child.

Of course this isn't how you wanted it to end up. You thought you'd be with him forever, have children and live happily together. We all wish that, but sometimes things don't go according to plan and you just have to roll with the punches and make the best of what you've got. 

It hasn't been that long since you separated, so of course right now you are feeling terrible, but time is the best healer. Give it a while.. months, maybe even a year and you will look back on this with a completely different mindset. Right now your in love, and you can't see straight. Let him go off with this other woman and carry on with your life, let yourself feel down for a little while and then for the babies sake - pick yourself up. Give this baby the best life you possibly could and work around the unfortunate circumstance of not being with the father. Somewhere down the line you are going to meet someone wonderful who will love you and your baby and your ex will probably regret loosing you.

jrobertson20 · Answer

Try counseling.  Marriage counseling for both would be the best but if not that at least counseling at least for you to help you get through this.  I am so sorry you have to deal with this when this is supposed to be one of the happiest times of your life.  The fact that it's only been 3 weeks and he already has a girlfriend is horrible.  It almost seems like he was with her before that.  I know you don't want to raise your child in a separated home but if he truly is not in love with you then it would probably be worse to raise a child in a home with no love.  I know it's hard and it's going to take a long time for you to heal.  Please talk to you doctor and go to counseling.  Please take it easy and just think about the beautiful baby you will have.  Stay strong.  Good luck.