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142722 tn?1281533616

talking the marragie talk

Ok, so I got a new bf i am so in love with him and him with me only after a few weeks, i know most of you may say no way, but i am so scared of this guy that he is going to hurt me.  My fear of him not coming to see me, call me,  he told me call any time I want to.  Like tonite, we are hanging out and i asked him to come over.  it is like he wants me to do it all, he follows me around, he wants to move into my new house I am buying.  I asked him abut marragie, if he thought he ever would, he said he tryied that once.  I was like what does that mean?  He said he had some issue to clear up first.  I told him every one has issue even me.  He told me I was all put together and was doing good.  He sees me as very stable as far as bills, buying a home, work, ect...  i am however unstable of my feelings he is all i think about.  he says call him any time, he comes over when he says, but i don't want it to go away the kissing hugging, i am scared to death I am going to be left again what to do should he move in so quick?
17 Responses
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145992 tn?1341345074
I'm just not understanding how you can be so attached to a man after only 3 weeks.  I think you need to take a break from him to really see how you feel.  You don't know him well enough to know if he is a good man or a good person.  You can know someone for years and still not really know who they are.  I just think you need to stop and focus on getting well mentally first.
Helpful - 0
142722 tn?1281533616
Well i seem to be attached, fear of losing him.  he gives me what I want but in my heart,  i hope the new med for bipolar will work this week.  I am just so hopless right now.  He is at home today with no work, he talks about his friends witch are losing but i see in him a good man,  a good person,  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
The guy is bad news run for the hills....overdosing, shooting, convict, ect. Don't get me wrong people can change their ways...but he is a chameleon. Please run from him just for the reason alone of him being an ex-con. Ex-cons are nothing but bad news. I had to luck of meeting and falling for a guy in 2007 when I was living in Wisconsin and he happened to be an ex-con. I did not find out the fact until I had broke up with him in 2008. But before I had broke up with him, he made my life a living hell and disaster.   He would call me all the time to talk, follow me all the time to work, school, ect.I made the mistake of letting him live in my condo with me, in addition to getting engaged.  He would yell at me and get verbally and physically abusive until my friend called the cops on him. He would threaten to do harm to me. He even spat on me once. He just wanted me for a place to stay, money, car, ect. To make a long story short, you like him but do not get attached because it will be worse in the end. Kris123, I do not want you to have to go thrugh this, please sweetheart run, listen to everyone and do what is best and leave. Have and keep faith in the Jesus Christ.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Lets see....new relationship, you have fears, which means YOU are insecure of yourself and these fears come from past heart breaks right?.... within a few week, he wants to move in (a big no, no right now), You talked about marriage only after a few weeks (ARE YOU KIDDING ME!...another BIG, no, no...to early in the relationship to discuss marriage). He was married before....marriage is the last thing this guy wants or wants to talk about.

Ok....the relationship is way too new to be talking about "were in love", he wants to move in, marriage.....way to early. You both need to SLOW down and get to know each other, spend time with each other, get to know his friends, family....one step at a time. He was married in the past and it didn't worked out, I'm sure he has fear of remarring, so slow down and let the relationship fall into place naturally or I don't see this relationship working out. Best wishes...Judy
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Please listen to reason this guy is bad news, of course he says he loves you he wants in, and it wont be long untill you are on the dope scene stay away, i dought that you will listen most people do not, they learn the hard way, but i hope that you can hold out long enough to see just what he is, you can get lots of money selling dope   luck  jo
Helpful - 0
145992 tn?1341345074
Sweetie, we can't look to men or another person to make us happy.  That has to come from within yourself.  You need to take care of yourself first before you allow someone in your life.  This man may take advantage of this "issue" and use it to manipulate you.  He may see your disorder as a way to take what he can get because you are so desperate to feel loved.  Take care of getting happy, and getting the right dosages and see if you can seek therapy.  You and your kids are most important here.  Hang in there, you will make it through.
Helpful - 0
142722 tn?1281533616
He has put me on new meds.  I haven't been this bad in about 5 years.  I went from 141 to 124 in three weeks.  He increased some and gave me two new ones.  This is the time when I can make big mistakes that I shouldn't.  I have to be careful with my children because I sometimes seem to forget them when my manic state hits.  I am aware of it and my family is helpping.  I am so unhappy and uneasy every date and want to cry it.  I guess this guy gives me that love that I think is going to make it all better.  I want to trust it, I want to because I am so lonely.  I really can't think straight.  I got to get up take care of my baby, kala too, the house, buying the house now worrying about him if he will break my heart.  I hate my life and I really don't feel like going on with it.  I don't want to kill myself, i want to be relaxed and happy normal but my bi polar is making me this way.  I am going to have to ask my sister to help with the baby because he can't see me this way.  I don't know what to do.  it is like this man makes me happy, that i am important, i am just so so sad
Helpful - 0
145992 tn?1341345074
Yeah, it's not good kris.  No, you shouldn't be unhappy.  What is it really you like so much about this guy?  No man will ask a woman if she loves him in 3 weeks.  Can you get on some medication for your bi-polar disorder?
Helpful - 0
142722 tn?1281533616
he asks me if i love him?  i don't understand him.  his eyes are red and sometimes it seems he is on something but he says he is not. I don't know.  he will start to talk and then have to think what to say.  he just won't talk out plain.  he has been with me for hours at a time and i have never seen him take anything.  he goes home to walk his dog.  he wants to live in a nice home. i am so sad sad sad, if it was good shouldn't i be happy.  i don't want him to come up to me and say sorry i don't want you any more.  I am so down on my self that I think I am taking what comes along with out thinking and damn my kids, my bi polar is killing me right now and I can't think straight
Helpful - 0
145992 tn?1341345074
"He is a felon, shot and killed a guy in self defence, he says, 4 years in jail.  He does not have a checking account but says he is getting one.  I have seen money lots in his pocket.  He lives in a crapy place.  I don't know he says he loves me" "his wife died in the bed next to him from an over dose on pain pills that he gave her money to buy???  that is what he told me.  then 10 days later the other guy that lived with him died from the same overdose"

Yikes, he doesn't sound so good hon.  And in all honesty, he sounds like a drug dealer.  No checking account and a ton of money in the pocket and people dying from overdoses around him.  This is not a good person to have around your kids.  He shot someone, which means he owned a gun.  If it was self defense, there would be no jail time.  So in what ways was it self defense?  You have to see the red flags here right?  Please re-read what you wrote and think over this person.  I know everyone has their past and it's wrong to judge everyone for the things they've done but you still have to question what type of person they are.
Helpful - 0
684030 tn?1415612323
Having only known him for a few weeks, there's way too much that you don't know
about this guy.
And, what you do know is that he "...wants [you] to do it all."... "follows you around"
... "wants to move into [your] new house"... has issues that have not yet been cleared up
... and has tried marriage once (which might imply that once is enough... for him).
This guy sounds doesn't sound like a promising prospect to me.
With all due respect and in all seriousness, I think that you would do better to get a pet dog or cat for live-in companionship before allowing this guy to move into your new home.


Helpful - 0
303824 tn?1294871401
Hi Kris! I just wanted to point out that you said in your journal that your ex staying with his new girlfriend of 2 months is stupid, and you have a guy moving in after only a couple of weeks.

I know how hard things have been on you lately, and I just want you to know that you do NOT have to rush into anything! Take it nice and slow and see where things go. Especially for your son! The last thing he needs is a bunch of men in and out of the home.

I hope it all works out the way you want!
Helpful - 0
142722 tn?1281533616
yes, his wife died in the bed next to him from an over dose on pain pills that he gave her money to buy???  that is what he told me.  then 10 days later the other guy that lived with him died from the same overdose
Helpful - 0
142722 tn?1281533616
I think of him all the time.  I have to stop myself from texting him or calling him.  he told me to call him anytime and when i try to get of the phone he says he can talk more.  Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.  my bipolar is out of sorts too so that is not helping.  He is a felon, shot and killed a guy in self defence, he says, 4 years in jail.  He does not have a checking account but says he is getting one.  I have seen money lots in his pocket.  He lives in a crapy place.  I don't know he says he loves me
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Whatever you do, dont let this guy bamboozle you do not let him move in with you, do not loa him money just go out with him but keep it on the light side honey he is using you I have been around the block a few times and wait untill you get married to let anyone move in with you and do not chase him, or ask him if he loves you he will answer anyway you want, as long as he gets what he wants   luck  jo
Helpful - 0
145992 tn?1341345074
Whoa, whoa, whoa, girl.  Is this the same guy you were confused about a few weeks ago?  The one who was iffy?  You are going way too fast here.  Of course you feel so giddy and it's so nice and lovey dovey, because it's only been a few weeks.  All relationships start out this way but give it a few months or years and see how things are going.  You don't want to rush into anything where you invest your heart and your kids' hearts and this doesn't work out.  Keep dating and spending time with each other and if after a year, things are still going good, then talk about moving in and marriage.  This is all way too soon.  You don't really know him and he doesn't really know you.  Get to know one another.  You have been hurt before and so has most people but you have to learn from your previous mistakes.  You can't guarantee you won't get hurt but you are setting yourself up for heartache if you rush into a relationship with a man that has way too many "issues" than you would like and now your stuck living with him.  Just be very careful.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
my aunt had this exact same problem. turns out the guy was only using her for her house and money (she's an extremely wealthy lady).  she just bought a brand new house for her and her girls and when the guy found out he did the whole "oh i love you, i love you, i'm never going to leave you i'm moving in now." he wasn't paying his bills and was being evicted from his place. when she found all this out she dumped him.

be careful. having a guy move in after only a few weeks could be a bad idea. do you know a lot about him? his past? anything? if no....don't rush it. take your time. don't seem super clingy either. that's something that sends a guy screaming and running for the hills without them looking back.
Helpful - 0
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