26 weeks pregnant and a little concerned....

[HeatherLF16]

Hi Everyone,
I usually do not post in this forum, but I have an issue going on in my relationship that is eating at me.  Before I became pregnant my husband and I had a very active sex life.  Even though we have been together for 10 years, and married for 5 we had sex 3 days or more per week.  When we started trying for a baby it only took a month to get pregnant.  That is when our sex life started not exisiting as much.  
There are a lot of factors involved.  I had a miscarriage prior to this pregnancy so of course that caused me apprehension.  But, once the first three months were over it still wasn't what it used to be.  My husband doesn't even try to have sex with me anymore and we can go days and weeks without nothing.  
My husband of course has been working longer hours than ever, and doing all of these industrious things after work to get ready for the baby.  He says he is just tired, and is not weirded out by me being pregnant or it's not that my figure has changed... being tired has never stopped him before.
Being the pregnant, hormonal, woman that I am I am thinking the worst.  Even though I realize it's irrational because he comes home to me every night and cooks me dinner, cleans the house, and is very attentive.  But, if he doesn't want it from me then how/where else is he getting it from?  No longer having my figure, my job going not so great, and my husband not wanting me anymore is really starting to affect my self esteem.  I am sad, and the only thing that makes me feel happy is my baby kicking around and feeling greatful he is doing wonderful in there.  
Anyone have any insight on what can be going on with my husband?  I have tried to talk to him he just says he is tired everything is fine.  We have sex maybe once a week once every two weeks now if I am lucky :(

[HeatherLF16]

Aw thank you teko I know how lucky I am.... he is just wonderful and I couldn't ask for a better husband.  I just wish he would open up and be honest about what is bothering him, if he is scared it's OK and at least I would understand because I have felt the same way.  

[teko]

I have not read all the responses to your post, so I apologize if I duplicate what the others have already said. The first thing that comes to my mind while reading your post is the fact that you had a miscarriage, are now pregnant and your husband seems to have little interest in sex. IMO, the miscarriage thing probably scares your husband and because you had one, he feels he could hurt the baby somehow. Lots of men get these phobias when their wives are pregnant and more prevalent with first babies. You say he is very attentive after working all day which speaks volumes to me. This man adores and loves you dearly. To me the way a man treats his wife outside of the bedroom speaks louder than what goes on inside it. My guess is you and your man will be fine and the baby will complete things. Your hubby is not cheating on you. You just cannot see things clearly because of the hormones, but let me tell ya, You are a lucky woman!

[specialmom]

Some men react very strangely when their wives are pregnant.  They see them as the vessel of childbirth and the idea of interfering with that wigs them out.  They think all kinds of illogical things like will they bang into the babies head-----------  call me crazy.  I've actually heard this said by a man!  

I think I'd talk to him and also understand from his perspective that he might be afraid of it all.  Work on other forms of intimacy first like a neck or back rub for you and cuddling.  Try to reassure him that it will be alright.  good luck

[Ashelen]

Definitely the best thing to do :). Guys get defensively so easily (most of them) and especially when it comes to something so inherently masculine like male sex drive....he's gonna get his dander up if he feels pushed or accused. Just let him know that you've been feeling upset by the lack of intimacy and you know he's tired, but maybe you could come to a compromise to fulfill both of your needs. It's a talk that all pregnant couples have to face sooner or later as the dynamic of the relationship changes because it's the single biggest physical change that a normal couple will go through during their prime sex years.

Hang in there and just see what comes out of your talk...hopefully you'll be pleasantly surprised :).

[HeatherLF16]

Thanks Ashelen-
I would not want to have your problem either with my husband not leaving me alone haha it's funny because it's not like I want sex all the time either when I feel the baby kicking ect it makes me feel funny about sex too. So, I would completley understand if he were just strait forward and said that was his reason.  Then we could just agree to work on it after the baby comes.  My husband is very non communicative, so he won't talk about how is feeling a lot just says it's fine and he is happy.

I don't suspect him cheating and when I think that in my head I just tell myself he has given me no reason, he is a wonderful husband and I am just thinking like a psycho pregnant woman.  So, I am careful not to let my crazy thoughts be the reason for any conversation, and try to make myself be rational.

I will try to have another serious conversation with him tonight. Maybe if I tell him how it's affecting me and my concerns for the future it would help?  I always start it like is something wrong?  Are you weirded out or not attracted to me anymore? So, I will try a different approach.

[Ashelen]

I wish I could help you with this...but my husband is the exact opposite when I'm pregnant...it gets to the point that I dread hearing him come home on the days that my daughter is with her grandpa because I KNOW what he's going to want to do...and I'm just so dam*ed tired.....but I CAN say that a lot of men have decreased libido while their partner is pregnant...it's a subconscious reaction to all the changes in THEIR mind combined with the growing realization (literally, growing) of impending fatherhood. some men are also "weirded out" by the baby being in your belly, even if they don't admit it because they feel it might be taken the wrong way.....

I wouldn't consider it a permanent change...he will most likely go back to normal after the baby's born, even though your sex drive might not. Tell him how you feel....and unless there's another reason to mistrust him, don't think about it like "if he's not getting it from me where IS he getting it from" because that can be so destructive to a marriage. If there's a reason to suspect him then by all means address it...otherwise try to just talk to him and ask him to offer you intimacy in ways other than sex if he's too tired for it.

[HeatherLF16]

Forgot to mention this is my first pregnancy and child.  I guess I think if this is an issue now it will be even more when the baby is here :(