Still in love with my married ex

[Izela]

I liked this guys who decided to leave me and marry another girl who apparently comes from a well to do family.... During our time together he didn’t treat me well..1-Dispised me, 2-Couldnt introduce me to people because he was ashamed of me,3-Would call me only if he wanted to have sex with me.. The most painful is when he would talk to his fiancé(then) in front of me or just leave me in the car waiting as he talks to her.4-When i went to his parents house i would have to wait outside the gate yet at mine i would let him come in....I stood all this because i loved him and thought he would  love me back but all in vain...Through the endurance i lost weight, lost my self esteem and failed some of my exams  because i was depressed and i would find my self crying out of the blue....

Its a year now since his marriage and he has been trying to get back with me but i really tried not to keep in touch with him.....Recently we tried to talk and he  told me how he still loves me and he is empty without me. He says his marriage was mistake that he regrets but doesn’t mention divorce. Honestly i enjoy every moment with him but i still felt a fool for seeing him after all the pain he put me through. Seeing him wear a ring also broke me inside and i felt a loser again...I painfully broke it off because i am jelous and ultimately it was the right thing to do,Its a difficults situation. We love each other and we are happy when we are together....I AM CONFUSED ...SHOULD I CONTINUE SEEING HIM?

[seattlemom2plus]

Keep us posted and it takes a lot of strength to stand up for yourself like that, consider it practice for setting some positive boundaries for relationships going forward :D

[Izela]

Thank you all for the advise.....

I will not continue seeing this jerk........I don't know if i have made a mistake but i have sent him an e mail telling him i  don't want to be friends with him and i also pointed out every bad thing he did to me when we were  together ...I generally  concluded by telling him i don't want to be friends with some one who made me feel worthless.....

From now on ...I am cutting communication......

Thank you agin for the advise...................

[seattlemom2plus]

When partners like this return it is usually because they know they can manipulate you.  They know what to say to get you to act in a certain way and do what they want.  It's hard to recognize manipulation when it is sugar coated.  The right person walking into your life will not cause confusion or be based on a foundation of mistrust.  It sounds like he is using you as an excuse to jeopardize the marriage that he wants out of.

Think long term and see where they really fit in.  Keep us posted on the outcome.

[teko]

You no what! Contrary to what you have heard, you do not have to have a man in your life to be happy. I hear how you dont like spending time with yourself and you are needy emotionally. You talk how this creep treated you, finally he left (which was a blessing), but now he is with someone else treating them like crap and you are right there allowing him again to disrespect you and now this new partner of his!!!  You need therapy....You are way better than that but you got to see sooner or later that you are your own worst enemy.

[specialmom]

I think that investing in some quality therapy would be a good idea for you.  Luck does play a part in what happens in our life but more significant are the patterns that we subconsiously follow.  You have a negative pattern of picking men that offer very little for you and aren't nice guys.  Examining why that is might help.  What was your dad like or your parent's relationship?  That type of deep work helps us understand why we've put ourselves in the position we have.  And then breaking the pattern is essential.  

My suggestion is to NOT date anyone at all for a good while.  Work on understanding why you have come to expect so little from the men in your life and settle for sub par guys.  Then see what you can do to change this.  As you haven't done the work yet, you'll just keep following your same internal pattern.  That is why you need a break.  

No guy is better than a jerk.  Trust me.  Do some soul searching and figure this out!  good luck

[Izela]

Thanks you all for the advise i feel much stronger now....I actually wish i had popsted this earlier............

Well.....@ penswriter...He never engaged her and they never dated at all ..They only talked on phone because she was living in another country,they are not of  the same nationality and have never spent even 7 days together...They are actually still operating a long distance marriage....but like i said, she is from a well to do family,  he had to marry her to step up his status... I think he was illusioned when he took such a decision but now he is facing the reality that money and status aint everything..... N,way why should i care about what he is going through ???and why should i be his shoulder to cry on???????I'L LET HIM CARRY HIS CROSS....Thanks again for the  advice

@ specialmom yes you are right  maybe i am lonely and desperate to get over him...I have have even out of desperacy tried out a relationship that ended last month  becoz the guy was another Jerk...... I am 27 now but i feel i have never found love a situation where you meet somebody and your hearts beat as one...Its always one sided.... I FEEL SO UNLUCKY WITH LOVE.....

@ cheshchesh Thank you...I am surely going to go through the hurt i know  it wont kill me afterall....

[cheshchesh819]

let this man go,he treated badly in the past and now he is doing the same to his wife,he sounds like a control freak and why anyone would want a life with someone like this is totally beyound me,in answer to your question,No do not continue seeing him,go through the hurt and be free of him otherwise in year to come you will regret living with such a mean disrepectful loser,have more respect for yourself and find someone who will treat you the love and respect you deserve.

[specialmom]

Hm.  Well, first, let's talk about the time in which you were together.  He treated you badly and made you feel like poop.  If you had written then and described what you did here, I would have suggested you stop wasting your time and dump him as we all should be with someone that treats us like queens and kings.  He was not a good boyfriend then.  At all.  Your pining away for him after the fact is worrisome to me as you should want someone that was kinder to you!!  Your self protection radar should be on here and saying .  .  . NO THANKS to a guy like him.

Then he breaks up with you and is with another that he has now married.  And now he is calling you.  Okay, this time around . . . he is still a grade A jerk.  He is untrustworthy besides just being a jerk.  He thinks nothing of marrying and contacting an old girlfriend and complaining about it, insinuating that he'll leave his wife!  AND you want to be his wife/girlfriend that he might do that to????

This is worth getting a new phone or blocking him from the one you have.  You need to understand that you should expect more for yourself otherwise you will end up with a jerk like this.  And no one wants that for you.  So don't let it happen.  

Busy yourself with other things and you will get over this guy.  Maybe you are very lonely and that is why you put up with him in the first place.  Work on this so that you are not in this situation.  I'd not stay with someone for two seconds that made me feel like he didn't think I was good enough for him.  You did.  Why?  Work on your self esteem as well.  And don't let your ego be drawn back to him because it wants to prove subconsiously that you are good enough.  Hon, you are . . . and HE is not good enough for you.  good luck

[penswriter]

You're questioning whether to still see a MARRIED man (whether he's happy or not, he's still a married man) who was obviously using you for nothing but sex.

You even admitted he was terrible to you. Only called when he wanted sex. You were seeing him knowing he was engaged? What did you think would happen? He'd break off the engagement? Have you ever heard the expression "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"

I'm sorry you feel this way, but you put yourself in this situation. If you knew or found out he was in a serious relationship (being engaged is a serious relationship) then you should have never became involved with him. Do yourself and his WIFE a favor and cut ties with him. There are plenty of single men in the world, you don't need to be with a married man. Especially one that is a cheater and did nothing but use you. He'll keep telling you whatever you want to hear to keep you strung along on the side.