I'm on the verge of doing something to harm myself because of my stupidity.

[Kronos362]

Hi,

I've just come back from a stag party in Latvia and had unprotected sex with an escort. The brief encounter with no frantic activity as I was completely wasted. I'm married to the most amazing woman in the worldd and haven't slept with her since returning. It has been 3 days since the incident and I got back yesterday. I'm besides myself with worry as this is the first time I've done this and I can't live with my wife ever finding out anything (which she will if she gets an STD from stupid me). I HAVE to sleep with her for her not to e suspicious with me. And have gone over the scenario in my mind of how my life will be destroyed when she finds out from contracting an STD. I can't live with the shame, as my marriage is perfect right now. I've taken out a life insurance policy and if anything ever comes out I'm going to do the only honorable thing I can think of to give me even the slightest piece of redemption and my sure my wife will never have to worry financially and that she can actually get the sort of man who has enough control not do commit such acts in the first place.

My mental state is gone at the moment. Altough I'm not seeing any physical symptoms of having caught anything early on I just want to know my odds of being clean, is it as bad as being a simple toss of a coin?

I just don't know what to do, it feels like my life just needs to be ended.

Please help me.

[Newmom04]

I understand how you feel and the loss of hope, but will make you feel better and believe me no right way to put it or right time, but if you do explain things to her its off your chest and you both can learn to deal with it the best you can. I did the same thing I wasnt married to my BF yet but we were pretty close and I had cheated with my ex who I thought I was still in love with and come to find out I wasnt and felt so horrible inside, I had to relieve the pressure and tell him and I was crying over the phone he did come over and I told him, he was upset and hurt and I did want to be with him I really did and I can understand the mistrust and betrayel from him and to be honest it made us so much closer and realize we loved each other we have the best relationship we ended up staying together we are married now and expecting our first child and things are great. So its not the end of life but can make it a beginning I know you love your wife and betrayed her but think of if she did that to you wouldnt you want her tos ay something as I think it hurts more maybe not coming clean. Let me know how it goes, please dont do anything stupid, you would want her to find out from someone else if you did the unthinkable and then how miserable would that be? Just think about it as soon as I had told him I felt so much weight lifted, yes I felt like garbarge for hurting such a sweet man but I just had to get it out.

[Kronos362]

I know I can't be without my wife though, she's everything to me and just the fact that I dared betray her after all the trust she's put in me and all the years we've been together is too much to handle. There is no excuse for what I've done, but I just can't bare to even be in the skin I'm in at the moment. I'm too ashamed of myself for what an evil and dirty thing I did. My wife deserves better than that, but I just can't handle not being with her. I'm just so confused, I can't bring myself to speak with her and have her look at me with pure dissapointment in her eyes, Everything we've built together will just be destroyed in an instant.

[Newmom04]

I want to let you know from being a Fiance of someone who committed suicide you will destroy the people around you if you do something like this. And Word to the wise taking out a insurance policy and assuming she will get money and be ok, your wrong. When Suicide is a factor any insurance becomes Null/Void and is useless, nobody gets paid and you can even read in fine print. I understand who you feel and the guilt but You should do the honorable and tell her what has happened if your marriage is perfect this shouldnt of happened. She would need to know so you can both move on and will only make your relationship better or worse. Please dont do anything to harm yourself, thats not a wise choice and think of all the people you will hurt including her. I am here for you all day let me know as believe me its not the answer its hurting you but think of her as you will hurt her more. best Wishes