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Std Risk Please Advise
Hello Dr,
I am a straight 35 year old male and have had the same sex partner for the last 13 years "my wife". Roughly 11 years ago " 2 years into my current relationship I started to develop anxiety issues and a deep fear of stds. Roughly 11 years ago during a pap exam my wife was informed that she had HPV and given that fact she was a virgin prior to our relationship, she received that from me. We were not aware of exactly what HPV was or how common it was. After researching this we found out this was pretty common but recommended that she has an annual pap test to monitor it.
After we discussed this, everything seemed to be fine and we would just take it for what it is. Several months after receiving the news I found a small wart about the size of a pencil tip at the base of my member. I saw my doctor and was told that this was caused by HPV. He gave me a sav to use and several days later the wart was gone. Shortly after that experience I really began to worry about stds and the fear of possibly having something in addition to HPV. I had (4) sexual relationships prior to meeting my wife so I really began to worry about std's more and more. After speaking with my doctor, family and friends over and over again, they didn't feel that given my sexual past there was any reason for testing or concern. I began to lose my appetite and wasn't able to eat or focus on anything else. Finally scared to death I made an appointment to have a HIV test done. I received my negative results a few days later and worked on putting this behind me.
I decided three years ago that I wanted to take the next step in our relationship and asked my wife to marry me. Two nights before the wedding my friends and I decided to have a bachelor’s party, nothing out of the ordinary, hit the bar, have a few drinks hit a strip club or two and head home. May I say this wasn’t the first time in my life I had been to a strip club but, do not visit them frequently, probably once every several years.
My buddies decided to get me a private dance and given the fact I have received a dance in the past and know they are not supposed to touch you and vice versa I accepted. During the lap dance she became frustrated because she could tell I wasn’t aroused so she surprisingly put her hand up my pant leg and grabbed for my member. She grabbed and tugged my member several times “2 to 3” approximately and almost immediately I was erect. After realizing this she positioned herself in front of me and began to simulate oral sex over my shorts. She was putting her mouth over and around my member on top of my clothing. My shorts and underwear remained on the entire time she did this. This went on for 30 seconds or so, the rest of the time she was just dancing and at times grinding on my lap. When she finished her dance she moved over to sit next to me, but my hand was in the way. She sat down anyway and began to laugh bouncing and rubbing herself on it. There was no penetration but it was concerning to me because during the dance she had made a comment that I want you to touch me but I’m wearing a tampon.
Several days after the wedding I really began to worry about that situation and couldn’t get it out of my head. I began worrying about stds again and the potential risks I may have been exposed to. It really became overwhelming and it got to the point I ended up in the ER with heavy chest pains and difficulty breathing. The doctor did an EKG and said everything was fine and asked what brought this on. I explained the situation to the doctor. She didn’t think there was anything to worry about and didn’t feel I needed to get any std testing. Over the next couple of days my anxiety continued to get worse and I made an appointment to see my primary physician. After explaining the situation to him he also agreed that there is virtually no risk and didn’t feel any testing was necessary. He also suggested that I seek professional counseling which I did. I began to see a professional counselor regularly and his view on the situation was the same as the previous doctors. He thoroughly explained my issues and feels my situation is brought on by guilt.
As I began to think more and more about the situation it began to dawn on me, I wasn’t only concerned with this situation at the strip club but also with my sexual past between the ages of 15 and 21. I love my wife dearly and was really scared that something could be wrong. I went against the doctors advice and decided to get a full screening about 1 week later because I wanted to be sure. When I received my results I was relieved to learn that 7 out of the 8 tests I took were negative. The only test I received positive was HSV-1 4.39 rating. I soon learned was oral herpes “ cold sores” and most of the population has it and usually gets it in their younger years. My HSV-2 was negative.
I tried to research online information about the tests I had done. Unfortunately I learned that some of the tests require you wait longer than 1 week to get an accurate reading. I was of course in the clear of any sexual experiences I had between the ages of 15 to 21 but still concerned about the experience at the strip club. I waited 6-7 months and had a HIV test done again and the results were again negative.
I put my mind at ease and for the past year and a half and began to resume normal activities even though these thoughts were always in the back of my mind, just not at the levels it was during that six month period. The relationship between my wife and I is healthy but I sometimes wish we would have sex more often. On average we have sex 1 to 2 times a month. This has been sexually frustrating to me and when we do have sex I will on occasion ejaculate quickly and not give her an orgasm.
From the day I met my wife she has had a low sex drive, so I feel even more pressure to be able to give her as much pleasure as possible when we do. I read an article in mens journal on how to improve longevity and how to relieve stress. One of the suggestions was masturbation. I tried to masturbate but with no success and needed an aid to do so. I didn’t want to pull up anything on the computer because of my wife finding out so I stopped at a near by video store and bought a few adult videos. I took off the wrapping and took the DVD out of the case, stopped at a gas station near by and threw away everything but the DVD. I washed my hands when I got home and I’m pretty sure I washed my hands after touching the DVD when loading it in the DVD player. After masturbation I am not sure if I washed my hands after taking the DVD out of the DVD player and urinating shortly after.
I understand that all of the tests I had taken 2 years ago resolve any std concerns I have from my sexual experiences prior to meeting my wife “between the ages of 15 and 21” I also had tests done for hiv when I was 21 years old, prior to being with my wife. I had a hiv test taken again at 33 one week after the strip club situation and again 6-7 months after the strip club situation. Since I was 21 years old I have not kissed or had any intercourse with anyone except my wife. I have not stepped foot in a strip club since either. I am just very confused how to classify these two experiences and risks if any that are involved. I have no systoms other than axiety and heaviness in my chest.
Any information or advice is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
J
I am a straight 35 year old male and have had the same sex partner for the last 13 years "my wife". Roughly 11 years ago " 2 years into my current relationship I started to develop anxiety issues and a deep fear of stds. Roughly 11 years ago during a pap exam my wife was informed that she had HPV and given that fact she was a virgin prior to our relationship, she received that from me. We were not aware of exactly what HPV was or how common it was. After researching this we found out this was pretty common but recommended that she has an annual pap test to monitor it.
After we discussed this, everything seemed to be fine and we would just take it for what it is. Several months after receiving the news I found a small wart about the size of a pencil tip at the base of my member. I saw my doctor and was told that this was caused by HPV. He gave me a sav to use and several days later the wart was gone. Shortly after that experience I really began to worry about stds and the fear of possibly having something in addition to HPV. I had (4) sexual relationships prior to meeting my wife so I really began to worry about std's more and more. After speaking with my doctor, family and friends over and over again, they didn't feel that given my sexual past there was any reason for testing or concern. I began to lose my appetite and wasn't able to eat or focus on anything else. Finally scared to death I made an appointment to have a HIV test done. I received my negative results a few days later and worked on putting this behind me.
I decided three years ago that I wanted to take the next step in our relationship and asked my wife to marry me. Two nights before the wedding my friends and I decided to have a bachelor’s party, nothing out of the ordinary, hit the bar, have a few drinks hit a strip club or two and head home. May I say this wasn’t the first time in my life I had been to a strip club but, do not visit them frequently, probably once every several years.
My buddies decided to get me a private dance and given the fact I have received a dance in the past and know they are not supposed to touch you and vice versa I accepted. During the lap dance she became frustrated because she could tell I wasn’t aroused so she surprisingly put her hand up my pant leg and grabbed for my member. She grabbed and tugged my member several times “2 to 3” approximately and almost immediately I was erect. After realizing this she positioned herself in front of me and began to simulate oral sex over my shorts. She was putting her mouth over and around my member on top of my clothing. My shorts and underwear remained on the entire time she did this. This went on for 30 seconds or so, the rest of the time she was just dancing and at times grinding on my lap. When she finished her dance she moved over to sit next to me, but my hand was in the way. She sat down anyway and began to laugh bouncing and rubbing herself on it. There was no penetration but it was concerning to me because during the dance she had made a comment that I want you to touch me but I’m wearing a tampon.
Several days after the wedding I really began to worry about that situation and couldn’t get it out of my head. I began worrying about stds again and the potential risks I may have been exposed to. It really became overwhelming and it got to the point I ended up in the ER with heavy chest pains and difficulty breathing. The doctor did an EKG and said everything was fine and asked what brought this on. I explained the situation to the doctor. She didn’t think there was anything to worry about and didn’t feel I needed to get any std testing. Over the next couple of days my anxiety continued to get worse and I made an appointment to see my primary physician. After explaining the situation to him he also agreed that there is virtually no risk and didn’t feel any testing was necessary. He also suggested that I seek professional counseling which I did. I began to see a professional counselor regularly and his view on the situation was the same as the previous doctors. He thoroughly explained my issues and feels my situation is brought on by guilt.
As I began to think more and more about the situation it began to dawn on me, I wasn’t only concerned with this situation at the strip club but also with my sexual past between the ages of 15 and 21. I love my wife dearly and was really scared that something could be wrong. I went against the doctors advice and decided to get a full screening about 1 week later because I wanted to be sure. When I received my results I was relieved to learn that 7 out of the 8 tests I took were negative. The only test I received positive was HSV-1 4.39 rating. I soon learned was oral herpes “ cold sores” and most of the population has it and usually gets it in their younger years. My HSV-2 was negative.
I tried to research online information about the tests I had done. Unfortunately I learned that some of the tests require you wait longer than 1 week to get an accurate reading. I was of course in the clear of any sexual experiences I had between the ages of 15 to 21 but still concerned about the experience at the strip club. I waited 6-7 months and had a HIV test done again and the results were again negative.
I put my mind at ease and for the past year and a half and began to resume normal activities even though these thoughts were always in the back of my mind, just not at the levels it was during that six month period. The relationship between my wife and I is healthy but I sometimes wish we would have sex more often. On average we have sex 1 to 2 times a month. This has been sexually frustrating to me and when we do have sex I will on occasion ejaculate quickly and not give her an orgasm.
From the day I met my wife she has had a low sex drive, so I feel even more pressure to be able to give her as much pleasure as possible when we do. I read an article in mens journal on how to improve longevity and how to relieve stress. One of the suggestions was masturbation. I tried to masturbate but with no success and needed an aid to do so. I didn’t want to pull up anything on the computer because of my wife finding out so I stopped at a near by video store and bought a few adult videos. I took off the wrapping and took the DVD out of the case, stopped at a gas station near by and threw away everything but the DVD. I washed my hands when I got home and I’m pretty sure I washed my hands after touching the DVD when loading it in the DVD player. After masturbation I am not sure if I washed my hands after taking the DVD out of the DVD player and urinating shortly after.
I understand that all of the tests I had taken 2 years ago resolve any std concerns I have from my sexual experiences prior to meeting my wife “between the ages of 15 and 21” I also had tests done for hiv when I was 21 years old, prior to being with my wife. I had a hiv test taken again at 33 one week after the strip club situation and again 6-7 months after the strip club situation. Since I was 21 years old I have not kissed or had any intercourse with anyone except my wife. I have not stepped foot in a strip club since either. I am just very confused how to classify these two experiences and risks if any that are involved. I have no systoms other than axiety and heaviness in my chest.
Any information or advice is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
J
I have not and will not be going to those places anymore. I seldom did. Approx 5 times in my life. I will continue to work with my counselor and really appreciate your feedback very much. A lot of my problem is tied to guilt. But I've decided to go and get a full screening to clear my thoughts of this once and for all. I have always been happy and had no issues with anxiety, only since that situation. I love my wife very much we have a wonderful relationship. I have felt dirty and ashamed ever since that day, and the guilt and shame has led to anxiety issues. I know all test are conclusive after 6 months and even more so after two years. Looking forward to getting closure on this once and for all.
YOU HAD ABSOLUTELY ZERO RISK OF STD'S FROM THE LAPDANCE SITUATION!!!
your anxiety is the issue, not any risk you've had. continue to follow up regularly with your therapist to deal better with it.
if your provider gave you a cream to use and your wart went away in a few days, it's actually doubtful that it was a wart in the first place to be honest. none of the topicals you apply at home get rid of warts that quickly.
you are in a long term committed monogamous relationship - you don't need to be concerned about std's at this point. stay out of the strip clubs too, your anxiety can't handle situations like that and you are only making it worse by going to them.
grace
your anxiety is the issue, not any risk you've had. continue to follow up regularly with your therapist to deal better with it.
if your provider gave you a cream to use and your wart went away in a few days, it's actually doubtful that it was a wart in the first place to be honest. none of the topicals you apply at home get rid of warts that quickly.
you are in a long term committed monogamous relationship - you don't need to be concerned about std's at this point. stay out of the strip clubs too, your anxiety can't handle situations like that and you are only making it worse by going to them.
grace
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