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Addicted to porn
A few years ago I discovered my husbands porn addiction. And it made my heart race, and I was more hurt then mad. We fought about this for awhile and he finally admited that he was addicted to sex. He of course blamed his porn viewing on that we dont have enough sex. So we went from 1-2x a week to 4-5 wk. Last month (thanksgiving) I found that he had been viwing more websites and deleting the history. I was disgusted and he blew up, cried, said he was sorry, and he would stop. Of course I beleive him until last night. All I had to do was click on "back" in the browser and came up porn websites. I guess i am on of those women that hate it. I feel its degrating to women. I feel insure about myself as well. I cant seem to let this go. Last night he celebrated new years eve without me b/c i was to hurt to be with him. I feel like this is ruining my marriage and he wont stop. Therapy could help but we dont have the exta money. We have been married for 6 years now and its tearing me apart. IPlease help i'm starting to lose it!!
You're not being loyal to your wife by masturbating to porn either... just like this poor woman who posted this. Do you have no concern for how it makes her feel? Your wife accepts your lack of loyalty... different strokes for different folks. For those of us who want our partners to be all ours (male or female, doesn't matter), as you would probably expect from your wife, I don't think that's too much to ask. Sure, women usually have a lot less sex drive than men. That is a fact indeed, as you pointed out. But if a man truly finds his wife attractive, why does he have to masturbate to OTHER people? Why can't you masturbate to your wife? You have to admit, that if you can't do that, you're not as attracted to her as you say. Years ago I watched porn mindlessly for about an hour or more every day senselessly masturbating until I realized what I was doing. Even if you only do it once, you're still letting off some of your sexual energy on someone else. That's called CHEATING, and it hurts people like the woman who posted this because they want the same loyalty they give their partners in return. I agree that we men need to masturbate... it is a NEED yes. But, you can still masturbate to your lover. Also, did you ever think of the fact that even though the guy can still keep an erection for his wife, that he could be fantasizing about other women to keep that erection? It is pretty common for people to pretend their lover is someone else to spice things up if they're bored, or just plain addicted to porn. If you and your wife have reached an agreement that you can mentally cheat on her because you're more horny, that's your relationship and your deal. I think your wife deserves better!!
He obviously loves you - that is why he married you and that is why he is still with you. Sex isn't everything and you both have different rates of sex drive. Surely looking at porn is a lot less harmful than picking up STD's from prostitutes. Please try to accept him for what he is - he obviously still finds you sexy or he wouldn't be able to maintain an erection and make love to you. Believe me, it is impossible for a man to maintain a good erection if he does not find his partner attractive. Under those circumstances he would find every excuse in the book not to make love to you.
I have been married to the same woman for 35 years - she is a bright intelligent teacher and I love her dearly. However, my sex drive has always been a lot more powerful than hers and she has accepted my masturbation. There are things that she still does not know about me but she knows that I use porn as a stimulus because it just makes masturbation easier for a man.
For a man, masturbation is a neccessary release mechanism and there is not much else involved other than the pleasure of orgasm. Making love to you will give him far more, on every level, than masturbation does.
There is no doubt that men see sex in a different way to women. What a man may think nothing of can very well hurt his female partner. Men are more obvious in sex (more superficial if you like) whereas women tend to think more deeply and act more advisedly. I am generalising now and I am not trying to make excuses but these differences do exist.
Married couples are never in exact synchronisity - that's just life. In the end it all boils down to one question: Do you love each other? If the answer is truly yes - then everything else can be worked out!
I have been married to the same woman for 35 years - she is a bright intelligent teacher and I love her dearly. However, my sex drive has always been a lot more powerful than hers and she has accepted my masturbation. There are things that she still does not know about me but she knows that I use porn as a stimulus because it just makes masturbation easier for a man.
For a man, masturbation is a neccessary release mechanism and there is not much else involved other than the pleasure of orgasm. Making love to you will give him far more, on every level, than masturbation does.
There is no doubt that men see sex in a different way to women. What a man may think nothing of can very well hurt his female partner. Men are more obvious in sex (more superficial if you like) whereas women tend to think more deeply and act more advisedly. I am generalising now and I am not trying to make excuses but these differences do exist.
Married couples are never in exact synchronisity - that's just life. In the end it all boils down to one question: Do you love each other? If the answer is truly yes - then everything else can be worked out!
Have you ever tried to watching it with him to see what it is he is looking at? Sorry to say its not always about men watching women, but men watching men trying to keep their true attractions in the closest so to speak. Instead of acting on their impulses, they watch porn and masterbate and get their satisfaction from that. If, you truly are hurt and want to know all the reasons why, be prepared for what you really find out. Good luck.
Porn is not a harmless "guy" thing. I don't know any guys now that view it these days and it's a problem that needs to be adressed , not swept under the rug. Porn is made by criminals and inteded to be addictive.
There are usually some sliding scale clinics could you guys find one of those for counseling?
Also, talk to him about it... especially if you get visual aids like the books I mentioned, but try your hardest not to appear mad. I know you will feel terribly angry inside at what he might reveal to you, but if you blow up, he'll shut himself up. This is just from my personal experience. My boyfriend hasn't looked at porn in a few months, so it IS possible to break the habit. I still hurt from it, and I'm still worried that he'll go back to it at any given day, but you can only be understanding and seek outside help. Sometimes a guy doesn't want to listen to his partner because he's used to what she or he has to say. Getting something like a book, or finding a group of people with similar problems could help show him that his actions are indeed hurtful and wrong. Sometimes it just takes an outsider to prove everything you're trying to tell him (even if they say the exact same thing). It's terrible, but true. If he loves you, he'll stop and devote himself to you by doing whatever it takes to quit the habit.
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