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How to relax yourself for sex?

Last month I lost my viriginty and it was a little unconfortable for me and I bled. The thing is the guyIm seeing wants to have sex with me again  but I dont want to go through the same embarrassing experience I had with him the in the first time.  I dont want him to be dissapointed or upset. The embarrasing experience happened several times when he tried to penetrate me.Each time he try to penetrate me on the missionary position,and he grabbed my legs to make it better, I tense my hips/legs and he told me each time " Relax relax" I was sensing he was getting a bit upset and I felt so bad about it

I dont want this to happen again.
2 Responses
973741 tn?1342346373
Telling someone to relax and making them feel like their nervousness is not okay usually compounds the tension.  :>)  Are you sure this is the right guy for you?  A cool guy is loving and warm as a woman is getting used to something.  They try to be understanding.  If he is acting irritated, that would bother me if he were my boyfriend.  Otherwise, your own insecurity may play a role here and you are 'thinking' he must feel this way and putting pressure on yourself.  

As I stated in my other post, take your time, get in the mood (whatever that means for you), have some artificial lubrication purchased and ready to use (any drugstore has it, KY jelly, astroglide, etc.), and hopefully you can enjoy it rather than worrying you are supposed to 'be' a certain way. That won't help.  

Don't put pressure on yourself to please the guy.  The guy should be pleasing you so that you don't have to worry about relaxing enough, your body takes over.  If he isn't doing that for you . .  . that's not really your fault.  :>)
1 Comments
The guy is not my boyfriend we are friends
973741 tn?1342346373
Do you think that could have anything to do with it? Maybe since it isn't a romantic relationship it is hard to become turned on?  That makes sense to me.  Have you tried or have any interest in dating?
8 Comments
We are good Friends for 4 yrs now but but we never had been sexually intimate until now. This guy had been the fist guy who really had turn me on beause in my younger years I never dated or had a bf before
Marujita, how old are you now?
Im 47 and Ihad always been a virgin my whole life until I lost it with this guy im very attracted and known for 4 yrs like one month ago.
Well, then, I'd try having a drink or two before being intimate. Someone grabbing your legs and saying "relax" is not going to relax you, but wine or beer might make things lots looser. Once you get past the first time or two of being loose, you probably won't need it, but it won't hurt to try at the outset.
So maybe the second time it may hurt too?
With respect, Marujita, you sound so nervous that tensing up might occur unless you've had something to drink, and if you tense up it might hurt. That's probably what hurt before. I'm not saying to drink every time you have sex, but it might help your body get used to the idea that it can happen without you being so nervous that you tense up.
The first time I did drink a bottle of beer but still I tensed up and the guy noticed it and did not enjoy it much I did beacue he could not do the penetration as he wishes, for moments. He did penetrate me at times but it was hard for him to do it so due I tight my legs and things whenhe grabbed his penis and try to inser it in my vagina
If you were my sister or my friend, I would want to know why you would want to proceed to have intercourse with someone who makes you feel both uncomfortable and tense. It shouldn't just be about a guy enjoying it. The enjoyment should be mutual, and it is very concerning that it doesn't sound that way.
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