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Risky sexual history with no way out
I was sexually assualted at the age of 21 (I had sex, but have no memory of it, I was not drunk) and charged the guy with sexual assault but the case was dropped after lack of evidence. It was tramatic for me. I drank excessively and had lots of black outs. At one point I tried to jump out of a moving car. In the months that followed I couldn't sleep and was very depressed. I never sought professional help. After awhile, I only thought about it seldomly and came to terms with the fact that I will never know what happened to me that night. But something changed in me. I could have lots of sex, wanted lots of sex, but I have yet to orgasim and yet to really enjoy it. Everytime I have sex with someone I have to remind myself to feel connected to that person. I have to remind myself to think of sex. Remind myself to be in the moment. I can even have sex with someone I have no interests in, get up after sex, and just not want to be bothered with them.
Before the assualt, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship where then man criticized me for my sexual past, calling me a ***** and telling me my sexual past hurt him and our relationship. I was stupid to believe him, but stayed with him for 7 months and believed I was "in love." Before him, I was very sexually active. I could have multiple partners in a month/week and often engaged in risky behavior. I always got into relationships that were destructive and drank a lot, etc. Now, I am older and starting a new relationship with someone who I feel is a good person. I've been open with him sexually about my inability to orgasam without clitoral stimulation (sometimes that doesn't work) and I am trying to be faithful. Before him, I would get drunk and have sex and blackout, or let guys take advantage of me, and never complain. Now I really want this to work and I want to know if I should get help or do something different so we can have a satisfying sex life. Any advice? Do I have a problem? Should I seek help?
Before the assualt, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship where then man criticized me for my sexual past, calling me a ***** and telling me my sexual past hurt him and our relationship. I was stupid to believe him, but stayed with him for 7 months and believed I was "in love." Before him, I was very sexually active. I could have multiple partners in a month/week and often engaged in risky behavior. I always got into relationships that were destructive and drank a lot, etc. Now, I am older and starting a new relationship with someone who I feel is a good person. I've been open with him sexually about my inability to orgasam without clitoral stimulation (sometimes that doesn't work) and I am trying to be faithful. Before him, I would get drunk and have sex and blackout, or let guys take advantage of me, and never complain. Now I really want this to work and I want to know if I should get help or do something different so we can have a satisfying sex life. Any advice? Do I have a problem? Should I seek help?
Thank you both. You have given me something to consider. I'll try to work things out. I've been avoiding it.
you should have sex only with someone you trust like your boyfriend or husband.guys should not take undue advantage from you,unless you decide yourself to be a sllut.personally,i have undergone such cases & better understand your situation,so will advice you to stick to your love & consult a counselor or try out meditation & you should control yourself.you can make your sex life adventerous in any way you like but remember the past will hunt you time to time.
Of course you should seek help. Your life has been hijacked by all of this victimization and the disassociation you feel is one way to cope. Get to a good therapist that deals with sexual trauma. Good luck!
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