can vaginal looseness ruin a marriage?

[bolvan]

Vaginal looseness.
I complained to my wife some 5 years ago that I was no longer having sexual pleasure because her vagina was too loose, as a result of the birth of our two children. I found an article on the internet about kegel excercises. However we didn't solve the problem.
This problem - I see in retrospect -  started to make me irritable with her on a day to day basis. Previously I had been a gentle and accepting husband.
After a few months of this tension between us, she became ill with cancer. Three years later she died.
I feel a lot of guilt about this.

I suspect that this may be a widespread problem, causing a high percentage of divorces in the world.
Would like to get some feedback from this forum.
Thanks,
Michael.  

[Dalubaba]

Loose vagina is not the cause of cancer. persistant and long term kegel exercise could have helped. Usually vagina returns to normal size after birth of children. Gynecologist can help in many cases.One can learn to enjoy loose vagina by suitable poses. You need not have to feel guilty for cancer and her death.There are innumerable causes for cancer, including environment and hereditary factor.

[AnnieBrooke]

This will not make you feel any better, perhaps, but I have heard that some men, once they have seen a baby come out, really don't feel the vagina can possibly be as tight ever again, and the imagined deficit in tightness becomes a real sexual issue because someone who believes something will be less exciting, finds it less exciting.  Vaginas are very stretchy, and will come back to the same size as before having the baby, but a lot of time (especially if the man is unprepared for what it looks like when the baby comes out) he is not able to believe this.  Our brains are very powerful -- if a guy thinks his wife's vagina is no longer as tight, he might be predisposed to feel less during sex, even if her vagina is not much different after the fact than it was before.

I am not saying this is absolutely what happened to you, but I certainly know at least one man personally who simply never saw his wife as a sexy babe any more once she was a mother.  He knew it was stupid but he couldn't shake the notion even so.  Possibly when you talk about causes of divorce, it might be more often the man's notion of the woman than the actual physical measurements of her vagina, that has changed.

I am sorry for your loss, and sorry to hear that it occurred when the two of you had distance in your relationship.  I do hope you come to some kind of peace about this in your life.  We are human beings, and not all human beings get along every moment or even every month.  It is bad luck for you that you were unable to reconcile all of this when she was still alive.  Perhaps it is your fate to live on and learn from this, while she gets to go on to the next plane.   I hope you are doing well with your children.

Good luck.

[Myron_Long]

It's usually not the women's problem, it's usually the male. Masturbation "self-pleasure" is the enemy. Too much masturbation desensitizes the penis to the point you cannot obtain pleasure from a fairly-tight vagina. No such thing as a real loose vagina. Yes there are vaginas tighter than other but a vagina that cannot give any sensation at all to the penis is impossible.

I give you an example...

I was in a relationship for 5 years with a woman I felt could not sexually satisfy me with her vagina. In the beginning, everything was cool but after a couple years of sex I started to not feel any sensation from her vagina. When I penetrated her it felt like I was just going in and out the vagina and no sensation. My penis kept going down during sex due to lack of feeling and loose vagina. She would barely do kegel excercises to resolve the issue. This massacre went on for 3 years and we eventually broke up (this was part of the reason)

I decided to have sex with 2 other women and their vagina did feel better and tighter. However, their tightness was very similar to the tightness of my handgrip for masturbation. I was also using a lambskin condom because I could never feel any sensation in a latex condom. This bothered me a lot because I can not keep going like this, having unprotected sex with different women.  I went to the doctors to test the nerves in my penis and everything, including blood work, was normal. My doctor ruled it as psychological but I knew it wasn't.

I decided to take the matter in my hands and gave it deep thought. I figured if my penis could feel the sensation the entire time during sex than I would not lose my erection. Plus I read somewhere that men who are circumcised will lose their sensation in the penis over-time due to no foreskin protecting the glans of the penis. I figured if this was true than constant rubbing of the penis is speeding up the problem which explains why I can't never feel anything thru a latex condom but without one I can. So I decided to not to rub my penis anymore because I was fed up with how my penis treats me.

After 30 days, my ex decided to come visit me just for old time sakes. We laughed, talk, watch tv, and then started making out. But this time it felt different. When she touched my penis, it felt extra good.  When she sucked my penis, it felt extra good. Since we were no longer in relationship, we had to try a latex condom. Well I put one on, slid into my ex and BOOYAHH! my penis felt more of her than what I been use to for the last 3 years of our relationship. We had great sex and I even ejaculated thru the condom. We got together another time after than and the same outcome, all because I took self-pleasure out of the equation. Me and her are now re-evaluating our relationship, may have been a big mistake.

So my point is... All along I thought she had a loose vagina but it turned out to be my self-pleasuring with a tight grip that made me think she did not have good enough vagina for me. But it turns out that since I no longer masturbate, she does...