sexual problem with my husband please help

[sandy201]

hello , well i have a serious question for all you men that are doing this, Im a wife of 3 years to a lovely man.. When we first met are sex life was above average, I couldnt keep up, it would never go down 6 to 7 times a day and he would be so into it, I even called him "gunner" because he would not lose his erection after 5 to 7 times..Over the last 2 years its been declining now its to almost a 360 opposite, we do it once or twice a week and i usually initate. I understand all relationshipsdont stay in newlywed status forever but heres my problem, when I used to go down on him and feel "gunner" his testicles were always full, like a tight full. Like he was always ready to explode and I mean even after doing it 3 to 4 times he would stay this way. Now, when I go down there, before even having sex hes already like drained, theres nothing, he still gets an erection but his testicles are empty as a baloon with no air. and we will proceed to have sex and hes done. thats it hes tired and wants to go to sleep.He says its his job because he got a promotion but he does not work any more physically than he did the first year I mentioned earlier. Could it be he turned to masterbating , or cheating . Very handsome man, hes a maintance supervisor for an apartment complex so there are plenty of women around and plenty of places to go into without me knowing , other than that he comes home to me ande never goes anywhere with out me. He loves me I know that....hes very good to me and were best friends but I know how you men are.. I, myself dated a married man before my husband for 8 years and she knew nothing. I alos bartended alot of my life in strip bars ande 95 percent of clinle were men that were married... Im really concerned that he is cheating , ive wrote alot, so the question is does the testicle problem mean anything , is it a sign of other sexual acitivity going on in his life , I know my husbans sex stamina and all the sudden it dropped off the face of the earth please help

[severin76]

It´s hard for me to make any guesses but I would say that the changes in his sexual responses (which you have described) do not have to be related to cheating. Of course, I have no evidence that he is not cheating, but I would not think this is the case only because of the sexual changes which you described. Unless you have any further evidence or at least signs indicating the probability of his cheating, I would try not to worry too much about it as it is pretty possible that he is "innocent" in this.
Yes, you are right, many married men cheat, but our mind tends to notice mainly these negative or threatening examples (in strip clubs, among friends etc) and we often do not focus our attention to the faithful couples and faithful men.
As for the decrease in his sexual desire, there may be many causes, e.g. calmer stage of the relationship (not as wild as during the fascination stage at the beginning), routine, psychological factors in the relationship or outside the relationship (job - psychological stress can be even more dangerous to libido than physical exhaustion) etc...
If you can think of anything which you haven´t tried together and which he might find sexually arousing (sex toys, role playing, watching porn together, different kinds of stimulation...), you can try to introduce it into your sexual life and it might hopefully go wild again...

[zerkr]

First things first, I'm a 20-year-old unmarried male student, so obviously when it comes to advanced relationship (read: marriage) advice, I'm not an expert. However, I myself am a guy, and I can give advice based upon my common knowledge of the male psyche and relatively educated guesses, but at the same time these are no more than just that: guesses.

Before going further, it is perfectly possible that it is a medical condition of sorts, or some other physical factor, and this should definitely not be ruled out. Perhaps it has been caused by a change in diet, lack (or increase?) in physical exercise, perhaps he does something else now. Additionally it could just be caused by the fact that you're not "new" anymore, and instead of him automatically thinking of you when he's at work (which could maybe lead to him being "full", as he's been working himself [no pun intended] up during work and can't wait until he can see you), but now he doesn't do it automatically. You could maybe try with doing something that will arouse him throughout the day as sexual frustration can lead to us men become quite primeval, and if you hint and flirt with him throughout the day, but during circumstances where there will be no opportunity to have sex, such as during lunch on a workday. (Disclaimer: just examples, just do it however you like and feels natural to you)

As you already said, he could also be cheating or just be a chronic (and ashamed) masturbater. You said he's with you always when he's home, and that could also be an indication of such, especially if he's also nice, as he may be feeling bad and want to 'spoil' you when he gets back. You cannot confront him directly, as this confrontation will lead to hurt for both you and him, regardless if he has cheated or not. Little things like, noticing if he takes his cell phone with him to the bathroom or is secretive about some stuff can give some indications, but no proof, and frankly, someone else will have to provide more in-depth advice on figuring this one out.

Hope my insights/opinions have helped.