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Avatar universal

sexuality and mental health

i identify as homosexual, not by choice, it just is how i have felt since puberty. i feel very subversive and dirty, and my friends, gay or straight just tell me to make up my mind, but i cant help it. i feel very bad, i dont talk about sex and i allways play straight in society, but deep down, i wonder deeply about things. im not into religion as a sexuality guide, and me feelings are just what has come to me. i just dont know what to do. i cant fake love. i feel like an outsider with people who are homosexual, i dont like to be hedonistic. i am deeply troubled by my sexuality, because when i repress it i get disoriented from society. when i express it i am met with hatred and sometimes the threat of serious injury. i dont know what to do because people can tell that i am not straight. i want to have a career, be safe, and one day have kids by adoption. i just see so many people who hate homosexuals. i diddent choose to be this way. i cant just say * the world because i see a promise in every person, but there are so many poeple who hate my kind. it seems like im whining but when you see people with signs that say god hates you, you are disgusting, you are undermining social fabric, i just want to cry and drink to forget it, or just sleep, where nobody can do that. i dont know. i need some help. does anyone have any resources. i just feel subversive and bad. any help is apreciated.
3 Responses
1101690 tn?1268499639
Hi,
first of all homosexuality is NOT unnatural or bad.
But I understand your sorrow and disappointment when you see the reactions of people around you. It is not your fault, it is their narrowmindedness and stupid prejudices or hateful or ignorant religious beliefs which are at the root of the "evil", not your sexuality.
I just want to encourage you to accept yourself, your personality and your sexuality as well.
How to deal with these people who blame you or who hurt you? If possible, it would be best to ignore them and avoid them. I know it is not always possible, because you cannot choose your colleagues, neighbours, friends of your friends, family etc... But if you could find a few (or at least one) understanding and supportive friends, maybe with the same orientation or maybe heterosexuals who are tolerant etc...it could really help.
It is the most difficult and painful struggle if you are alone. Just if you feel that you have real support of at least one person, it makes a huge difference.
I´d recommend you to look for some useful contacts or at least a friendly place (for discussions etc...) also in some gay forums, there you can learn how other people cope with it and maybe you will find some inspiring advice there. Or support.
And don´t forget, many gay people are wonderful intelligent and valuable persons. I am straight but I admire many famous gay people, did you know for example that Oscar Wilde, Allan Ginsberg, Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, Petr Iljic Tschajkovski, Alexander the Great, Martina Navratilova, Hans Christian Andersen and many many more were homosexuals (or bisexuals)? Anyway, you are not in a bad company:)
I wish you the best of luck!
Take care and don´t give up!
severin76
1101690 tn?1268499639
Maybe it could help also to look for some materials or support from gay communities, gay pride movement etc.


P.S: Homosexuality is not a disease, homophobia is! Here is the lyrics of the song Homophobia by Chumbawamba:


Up behind the bus stop in the toilets off the street
There are traces of a killing on the floor beneath your feet
Mixed in with the **** and beer are bloodstains on the floor
From the boy who got his head kicked in a night or two before.

Homophobia-the worst disease
You can’t love who you want to love in times like these
Homophobia-the worst disease
You can’t love who you want to love in times like these

In the pubs, clubs and burger bars, breeding pens for pigs,
Alcohol, testosterone and ignorance and fists
Packs of hunting animals roam across the town
They find an easy victim and they punch him to the ground.

Homophobia-the worst disease
You can’t love who you want to love in times like these
Homophobia-the worst disease
You can’t love who you want to love in times like these

The siren of the ambulance, the deadpan of the cops,
Chalk to mark the outline where the boy dropped
Beware the holy trinity: church and state and law
For every death the virus gets more deadly than before.

Homophobia-the worst disease
You can’t love who you want to love in times like these
Homophobia-the worst disease
You can’t love who you want to love in times like these


Avatar universal
You are who you are and you need to let it be. Do not apologise or feel sorry for yourself.  Life is too short for you to live in limbo.  I am also surprised that you feel the way you do because you are in California and we are very liberal here.  I live in the Bay Area and we accept all people regardless of their sexuality.  Take a trip to a more diverse and liberal city such as SF or SD and see if you feel any better about the way people treat sexuality.  Good luck and do not be afraid of being yourself.  This is 2010 and not 1910.
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