Celebrating 3 weeks today but still have urges

[musicaljp]

as we speak...my dumb mind is making all these stupid justifications as to why i should be smoking. i've cut down to a chantix a day maybe i shouldn't have. I don't know.  It's been 3 weeks today since i quit. No lapses...no cheating.  but.....i feel like i could just go buy a pack and smoke a couple then pitch them out.  how dumb is that?  I know i should be typing about how good i feel...but at this very moment...i feel like smoking.  I'm gonna fight it. but....could use some support. thanks in advance --jp

[kathyjo]

I too have the same problem with cholesterol and exercise and diet did absolutely nothing for me. I have been eating oatmeal every morning for 6 years now, no additives...pure oatmeal and I have the same exact readings. My mom and sibs all have it, so it is definitely famial in my case.
A few months ago my doctor put me on Welchol. I am supposed to take 6 pills daily and they are huge! Truthfully, I take 2 a day and on my next appointment she will draw blood and see what my levels are. The reason for the Welchol is because it has the least side effects and it also won't affect my muscles like most cholestrol medications do. She knows I'm active with the gym and this is supposed to be the least harsh on the body.

JP.... I know how difficult it is to allow yourself to be proud of your accomplishments. I was raised in a strict Catholic household and attending Parochial school most of my. We were taught that pride was sinful and I grew up with that same mindset. Truthfully, it wasn't until I had my children and realized that their accomplishments were a reflection of the time and energy that I had heaped on them and that was when I allowed myself to feel pride in the way I raised them. I think because of that I also realized that my quit was the second best thing I have ever done in my life : ) I am darn proud to have put them down and out of my life and I think that when you truly feel as if you kicked them forever, you will also allow yourself the praise that you deserve : )
You had better learn how to give yourself an "atta boy" or else ; )

oh! I too cringed with every Dr. visit I went to.....always heard the same thing about smoking and always left with my tail between my legs.

[Jade59]

You went walking!  Excellent.  Do that everyday and not only will it help with the cravings, but also your battle with Cholesterol.  You know, my mom was dx with high cholesterol and diabetes a few years ago and through diet and excercise alone she has brought it down to a normal level as well as losing 50pounds.  She made up her mind she was going to do it and she did.  I know you can do this too because you sound very determined and that's what it takes.  A good mind set.  

Not sure what to do with you as far as you feeling good about this amazing accomplishment of quitting smoking so I will celebrate for you : )

Your doing just wonderful, JP.  Very very proud of you!!!

[musicaljp]

did a brisk 40 minute walk on the bike trail yesterday.  my cholesterol has always been high (mostly genetics, but diet could be better).  I had an ekg yesterday at Drs office it was ok....I had a stress test 4 years ago and it was normal....but they are giving me another one on tuesday just because of my past lifestyle and family history.  i'm not too worried about it...not looking forward to it..but not worried.

i think for me...being a smoker made me avoid drs unless i had to. i wasn't expecting a clean bill of health and i didn't want a lecture as to why i should quit....no duh.....i know i should quit...well now that i have...i'm all about getting checked out.

welll....they wanna give me cholesterol drugs (it's actually down a good bit from last june) but i'd like to try the diet and exercise route first (i'm not a big fan of pills and really don't wanna take one for the rest of my life).

i never was the kind of person who rewarded myself when i met or was meeting my goals.  I suppose i should feel pretty good about my accomplisment but i just can't.  it's weird....cause i had no problem heaping guilt on myself for being a smoker...yet i find it hard to praise myself for quitting.  the drs visits and the exercise seem to be how i recognize my achievement....still i wish i could just pat myself on the back and build momentum that way. --jp

[kathyjo]

Jade gave some good advice. Get out the bike and start riding or just walking will do fine.
Keep yourself busy and your mind off your smokes. Volunteer as your local senior citizens or hospital caring for sick babies....there are many things to keep you busy and tou will even get to like yourself better, a win/win : )

I'm glad to hear that you have gone back to the 2 a day. I think you'll know when the time is right : )

on your way to 4 weeks, so proud of you!

[Jade59]

Well I'm glad the xrays came out clear and you're still alive!! : )  

Boredom is what was the worst for me too, JP.  And that's okay to complain.  If you read my old posts when I quit the first time you would not feel alone, believe me.  I complained ALOT!  Don't feel bad.  That's what we're here for : )

You're doing great JP.  Really well.  I am going to hold you to the walking.  I'm a firm believer in it.  It helps the body and the mind.  

So.........why not start today?

[musicaljp]

back on the chantix twice a day and the urgers have been much more reasonable.  doing well...problem is i'm bored out of my mind. guess i'm complaining a lot i know i shouldn't...i need to be busy. work is really slow now and my hours are cutdown.  too much free time i guess.....should be walking...i said after two weeks i would...it's been over 3 weeks.  
PS
chest xrays looked good....so that's a good sign.  I had a stress test 3 years ago...it was normal...so i might not be dead yet.  lol

[kathyjo]

ranting is good for you/us......like chicken soup for the soul : ) Peel back all the layers of hurt, pain, loss and whatever else ails us and grow a new skin......maybe a little thicker, but that comes with sage & age.
As corny as this sounds, today is the first day of the rest of your life and I can only think that you are reinventing yourself and that's what needs to happen when you are shedding the old you : )

One day soon you will know smoking for what it truly is.....and it is never a joy, it really ***** everything from you in every aspect of your life.....the proverbial ball and chain and there are no happy endings.

As for reducing the chantix....well it wasn't time yet and the Dr. suggest 3 months......I know the price is steep, but what you have already saved in smokes and will save in the near future will certainly pay for it.

JR, you are doing so well and you really need to recognize that for 3 weeks you have been fight off urges. Keep reading and keep working on your list of positives and in no time you will be free of the jonesing : )

[musicaljp]

yeah i made it....took two chantix and honestly after second one thought i was gonna throw up.  didn't help i spent the day around smokers all day but all in all....i'm ok.  it's funny how these stupid thoughts of cheating pop into my head now after 3 weeks...probably cause i let my guard down briefly.  I can't tell you guys how good it feels to be able to read ur posts at the end of this day and know i made the right choices today.

Kathy..it's funny what you said about forming bonds and such.  last year (the anniversary was march 8th) my life got turned upside down by somebody i thought was my best friend, lover, etc.  I recently told the story to an acquaintance (who pressed me)...this person has been oh shoot can't think of the right title...a trauma specialist...not trauma in the sense of phsyical injury...somebody who people go to for groups recovery/pain/hurt divorce/post tramitc stress/ that kinda stuff.  Well...after i tell her the story she cries...and tells me that's the worse story she's ever heard...HAHA...that made me feel WONDERFUL!!!!! LOL  NOT!!!

well...you know how that goes i guess...or not..(hope not). so...for a long time i felt like i had nothing...nobody..etc...cept smoking.....it was the only thing that didn't cause me stress....yes it was killing me...but so was everybody else.  so...to give it up is harder cause in my mind i've got nothing else.  sounds more pathetic than it is...but really i'm doing it for the future i will eventually (maybe) have with somebody who deserves me (yawn).  

Funny thing is...the roots of it exist on this site somewhere.....she was a messed up person hiding an addiction and i just got caught up in it.  i'm free from it now..but because of the treachery....it caused me to retreat into myself...and smoking has been my only joy.  one day...i'll go back to being my outgoing self again...i'll meet somebody knew...and i won't have to lie about my smoking addiction.  i wont' stink....my car won't reek...i won't shy away from kissing.  and i'll have more money...hahaha.

ok...done ranting now (side affect of the medicine i think)

[Jade59]

Hey JP,

Please don't think you SHOULD be feeling something other than what you are feeling.  You feel like smoking right now and I'm glad you said so.  We can't help properly if people aren't honest about their feelings, right?

Are your anxiety pills not helping?  

Proud of you for no cheating.  Very good!!!

Please keep telling yourself that there is NO JUSTIFICATION for smoking.  It's just your brain trying to trick you, JP.  Tell yourself that YOU are in control of your life.  Not cigarettes!  

This craving will pass, and since you posted several hours ago, it probably has by now.  I feel for you.  Really.  I know how hard it can be to get those thoughts under control, but I have lots of confidence in you : )

Big congrats on 3wks smoke free!  This is a very difficult habit to break and I think you're doing just great!!

[kathyjo]

cravings are very common and that you are aware of your attempt at justification, well that's a good thing : )
The mental/emotional addiction is what is working on you.......rationally you have emptied your body of all the nicotine and other harmful cr@p that gets stuffed into one of those death sticks. There is no physical addiction left, it's all about the bond that we formed with what we believed to be our best friend, someone/something that has been with us, most of our lives, helped us through stressful times....bull! This is just something that we tell ourselves and it's what keeps us struggling with our addiction.

I wish I could promise you and everyone else that is/has quit that in a month or so you won't even think about them.....it's true, but it's only in retrospect that I can say this and we all know that while in the moment it's just not easy to take someone else's word(s) for it : )  I can promise you but will you believe me?

Don't ever let those things take control of your life again. For so long they were what dictated your every move, your every moment, so JUST TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE! JUST SAY NO!
You can do it......you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for : )
Hang in there!