I have severe chronic depression, some kind of ADD, general and social anxiety, insomnia, hypoglycemia, and metabolic syndrome. I'm 17, on 5 different medications, and I feel like I'm falling apart physically and mentally. I can't eat without getting nauseous and I don't even get hungry, I just get sick. I have chronic migraines that can last from 4-7 days and no over the counter medications help, the pill my doctor gave me barely does anything.
Things have always been terrible and it's catching up with me. My brother got shot through the head (he recently started having seizures), my dad was always in and out of the hospital (I now have paranoia that when people are sleeping they're actually dead because he died in his sleep when I was 12) I had to drop out of high school because I was stressing too hard and spiraling into suicidal depression (I couldn't focus and my grades were always at failing levels), my mom is an alcoholic and a smoker that's emotionally and verbally abusive to me, my brother has the mentality of a 15 year old from his accident (we can't talk without arguing), my sister and brother in law barely interact with the rest of the family anymore (mom thinks they're saving up money to leave us when we lose the house and now I'm scared of that too), I can't sleep, and when I do it's like I'm not resting at all and I'm constantly having stress dreams and nightmares, I'm constantly scared my mom is going to die in the night and it throws me into panic attacks, I'm too terrified to get a job, and now we're going to lose the house I've lived my whole life in at the end of the year because we'll be losing the money my mom got from my dad's death. We can barely afford food and the food from the food box places don't last us and aren't healthy. We don't have anywhere to go after we're kicked out for not paying mortgage and everyone in my house seems content with just waiting around and hoping for the best. I don't know how to do anything I'll need to do as an adult and I have no will to fix anything or myself. Every day drags on but before I know it it's been a week and I've done nothing. I'm paralyzed with fear, I fall back into pretending nothing is wrong and avoiding my problems but I feel like the end is getting closer and I'm pinned against a wall. I can't escape, I like life too much, and am too afraid, to kill myself. I don't know what to do, it's too much for me to deal with on my own and it's like no matter where I turn I can't get the right help. No one in my family is listening to me and I feel like I'm dying. My chest hurts all the time. I don't know what I'm expecting by putting all this jazz out there, it never helped before, but someone please tell me what to do. The only thing I can think of is to change my anxiety medication, but I don't think that will do much. We're already on food stamps and my brother is on disability.
Sorry if this is all over the place, I just got down from a panic attack and if I don't do this now I'll lose the nerve.