Told father will never eat again, need help...

[pamela435]

My father had surgery to drain blood from around his brain (hematomas?) in May. Later they told us he also suffered a stroke. He is in a nursing home and a week ago failed his 2nd swallow test (the one performed in the hospital). They immediately stopped all therapy, physical and speech, at first saying they were giving him a rest because he wasn't making any progress. Later my mother was told it was stopped due to insurance reasons.
The doctor at the nursing home told us "he will NEVER eat again and to not bother getting a second opinion because he has been practicing for 47 years and he can guarantee it". I found out that this doctor is a general practicioner and feel that given that he isn't a specialist he may not know this to be true.
We feel like the home has given up. My mother will do anything to help my Dad as would I. We want another opinion on whether to continue therapy and if there is anything at all that can continue to be done but it's so confusing and no one seems to have any answers. Do we consult a neurologist, an ENT, a speech therapist? We will pay out of pocket if insurance is an issue.
I feel so helpless. I live in another state and have two very small children and a husband with a very demanding job. I have already travelled back and forth so many times and now my oldest started kindergarten so I can't just take the kids with me. I worry about my Mom being alone and being so depressed. I want to grab my Dad from this place and run but of course I can't do that.
Has anyone been through this and should we believe this doctor who says there is no hope? My dad is 86 and sleeps a lot but does talk some and sometimes makes perfect sense. He is of course unable to walk.
I would appreciate any thoughts.
Thanks,
Pamela

[pamela435]

Thank you both!
We did get him an appoinment with a specialist outside of the nursing home and we are trying to find a way for the therapy to continue. The home stopped therapy because he "wasn't progressing" yet they refuse to let us have a therapist from outside come in...it's crazy.
I wish you both the best and thank you again,
Pamela

[oc1dean]

I can guarantee  that that doctor is wrong. He obviously is totally out-of-date on stroke rehabilitation. Ask him what he knows about neuroplasticity and when he last read a research article on stroke rehabilitation. Get another doctor, maybe you should report him to the state medical board for practicing out-of-date  medicine. Read the book, Stronger After Stroke by Peter Levine and you will know more than your doctor.
Sorry about the tone but your doctor is just one of many that incorrectly tell survivors that they will not get better.
I was in critical condition the first days and I have 12 square inches of dead brain and I am doing just fine. Another item, have the dr. show you a three dimensional map of the brain and explain to you what the affected areas controlled.He needs to back up his assertion with facts not just because he doesn't know anything about brain recovery.
Dean

[maureenannf]

Pamela
I feel bad for you and your mom.  I think that I would take your father to a neurologist, I remember a nerologist once said to me "there always something that can be done". When I asked him something about my stroke.  It's been three years and I haven't given up and I won't I'm going to keep trying.  The only problem is your dad's age,  But you can never under-estimate the brain or the human spirit.
good luck and  god bless,
Maureen