Aa
to Jaquta
Its me shaz853 i couldn't post on the forum and it wouldn't let me log in and i had to re-join, i would write my e-mail address but i don't know if it would let me.
The night went ok but i realised how changed i really am i was so uncomfortable and so easily annoyed and upset, it depressed me even more, my partner and i fell out then because he was so drunk we didn't get home until 3am
I was still frustrated from talking to the doctor as well, but i guess i can see i have been unpredictable lately, he asked me was i sure i could keep myself safe i said yes he said i had to work with them in helping myself. He asked had i reasons to live i said i'm sure i have, he asked me could i see a future i said not now, he asked was i driving home i said i was and he asked was i definelty going home i said i was, he asked did i have a plan and i said no. He asked me to reassure him that i would be ok for now and i said i'll try so thats probably why they didn't hospitalize me at that time i was ok when talking to him, if he had seen me after or this morning that was a different picture. He said if i say in that moment that i am ok then he has to trust me but if that changes i need to tell them i said i would. I think i would have felt better had he asked more about other stuff but your probably right the safety issue was maybe the most important. He asked that on Tuesday when i planned to go away he asked what brought me back i said talking to my therapist he seemed surprised that i came back for him and not my family but i was talking to my therapist at that time and he was making me think of him so thats why, i didn't want to think of anyone but listening to him helped at that time but now they trust me even less, i find that frustrating but i guess its my fault.
I am hoping my therapist will tell me what the doctor discussed but he might not. That form of depression you mentioned that was what he said, first time it was major depressive disorder but not now i've had it too long. I thought suicidal thoughts were more present with major depressive disorder but they must be present with depression in general.
I don't know why i couldn't post on the forum or log in but i hope this works ok.
I hope all is well with you, have a good day.
The night went ok but i realised how changed i really am i was so uncomfortable and so easily annoyed and upset, it depressed me even more, my partner and i fell out then because he was so drunk we didn't get home until 3am
I was still frustrated from talking to the doctor as well, but i guess i can see i have been unpredictable lately, he asked me was i sure i could keep myself safe i said yes he said i had to work with them in helping myself. He asked had i reasons to live i said i'm sure i have, he asked me could i see a future i said not now, he asked was i driving home i said i was and he asked was i definelty going home i said i was, he asked did i have a plan and i said no. He asked me to reassure him that i would be ok for now and i said i'll try so thats probably why they didn't hospitalize me at that time i was ok when talking to him, if he had seen me after or this morning that was a different picture. He said if i say in that moment that i am ok then he has to trust me but if that changes i need to tell them i said i would. I think i would have felt better had he asked more about other stuff but your probably right the safety issue was maybe the most important. He asked that on Tuesday when i planned to go away he asked what brought me back i said talking to my therapist he seemed surprised that i came back for him and not my family but i was talking to my therapist at that time and he was making me think of him so thats why, i didn't want to think of anyone but listening to him helped at that time but now they trust me even less, i find that frustrating but i guess its my fault.
I am hoping my therapist will tell me what the doctor discussed but he might not. That form of depression you mentioned that was what he said, first time it was major depressive disorder but not now i've had it too long. I thought suicidal thoughts were more present with major depressive disorder but they must be present with depression in general.
I don't know why i couldn't post on the forum or log in but i hope this works ok.
I hope all is well with you, have a good day.
They can't know if you will be safe or not. They can guess or bluff but they can't know for sure.
The person who came in was probably a doctor or someone like a DAO (?duly authorized officer -they can be nurses, social workers, etc). For me that's someone from the PET team.
From personal experience they don't care so much about the thoughts, as long as you don't act on them and jeopardize their livelihood, but about the thoughts and feelings behind them.
I could never sign a no suicide contract in good conscience.
I have this new philosophy that if they won't force anything on you that you don't want in hospital then it is a good option. I was frightened of hospital but only because my family didn't understand and everything was so divided.
The person who came in was probably a doctor or someone like a DAO (?duly authorized officer -they can be nurses, social workers, etc). For me that's someone from the PET team.
From personal experience they don't care so much about the thoughts, as long as you don't act on them and jeopardize their livelihood, but about the thoughts and feelings behind them.
I could never sign a no suicide contract in good conscience.
I have this new philosophy that if they won't force anything on you that you don't want in hospital then it is a good option. I was frightened of hospital but only because my family didn't understand and everything was so divided.
Well, today i went to see my social worker i rang her it was a bad day, she was going to admit me i was so scared, then she brought another person in to see me and they got me to sign a no suicide contract, and what good will that do, i had to promise not to harm myself, i knew what to say when they asked me had i reasons to live do they think i am stupid. They know my fears about hospital and maybe they know i will be ok.
Yeah the inpatient doctor is the top doctor all the rest work under him, i wish they were more structured in what they are doing.
I know i need to take control and the suicidal thoughts make me feel out of control i don't want them, i know some time they will probably admit me again if i keep telling them i feel suicidal but if i don't tell them then i would feel worse, alone.
She is to call me in the morning and take it from there, i had the choice of hospital and turned it down so if anything happens its my fault.
I have respite on Tuesday night but i have to go during the day and have my therapy session there to see what the intensive therapy will be like in that setting. I have a feeling that during the intensive therapy i will end up going back to hospital, i'm not sure i'll cope.
Is the review because of the therapy that didn't work well?
I like the quote, sounds familiar.
Have a good day.
Yeah the inpatient doctor is the top doctor all the rest work under him, i wish they were more structured in what they are doing.
I know i need to take control and the suicidal thoughts make me feel out of control i don't want them, i know some time they will probably admit me again if i keep telling them i feel suicidal but if i don't tell them then i would feel worse, alone.
She is to call me in the morning and take it from there, i had the choice of hospital and turned it down so if anything happens its my fault.
I have respite on Tuesday night but i have to go during the day and have my therapy session there to see what the intensive therapy will be like in that setting. I have a feeling that during the intensive therapy i will end up going back to hospital, i'm not sure i'll cope.
Is the review because of the therapy that didn't work well?
I like the quote, sounds familiar.
Have a good day.
If I didn't do 'their therapy, their way' then I would have been discharged. And eventually I was because things were just getting worse and worse. I was in crisis they weren't helping, only helping to make things worse.
CBT, DBT -that sort of therapy. That makes me worse as it doesn't really address the underlying problem. It works at a level I can't use because my deficits are at an earlier developmental stage.
Plus some of the T's have been pretty bad too. They have brought their issues to therapy and then it has become a massive power struggle between me and them (which equates to me and the system because they tell everyone how to treat me, which is their way). There is no flexibility, no common sense. My treatment history is a long story but it just makes me feel incredibly angry.
It sounds messy. Jan-May is not four weeks. I just think this very basic fundamental stuff is so important. For some people that can mean the difference between life and death. I have had people say they will do something (refer me, ring me, arrange some appointment or other) and never have it done. I think it's potentially very dangerous.
So they are asking the inpatient consultant to reassess you? Is he more qualified, experienced than the doctor you saw last week? If not I would be wary. I personally can't see the need for it. Emotionally I know that things aren't right and therefore I would be encouraged by another review but ... your treatment team seem so fragmented (which can make you feel fragmented). It sounds as though they have no idea about what they're doing. No one seems to be standing up and taking control.
Suicidal thoughts could also be a way to control people or to have them take more responsibility for you and your life. They aren't going to fix your life and them give you back the reins or the control. In my experience recovery doesn't work like that.
I saw this quote yesterday. Help me change my life. (But don't make me do anything different.)
CBT, DBT -that sort of therapy. That makes me worse as it doesn't really address the underlying problem. It works at a level I can't use because my deficits are at an earlier developmental stage.
Plus some of the T's have been pretty bad too. They have brought their issues to therapy and then it has become a massive power struggle between me and them (which equates to me and the system because they tell everyone how to treat me, which is their way). There is no flexibility, no common sense. My treatment history is a long story but it just makes me feel incredibly angry.
It sounds messy. Jan-May is not four weeks. I just think this very basic fundamental stuff is so important. For some people that can mean the difference between life and death. I have had people say they will do something (refer me, ring me, arrange some appointment or other) and never have it done. I think it's potentially very dangerous.
So they are asking the inpatient consultant to reassess you? Is he more qualified, experienced than the doctor you saw last week? If not I would be wary. I personally can't see the need for it. Emotionally I know that things aren't right and therefore I would be encouraged by another review but ... your treatment team seem so fragmented (which can make you feel fragmented). It sounds as though they have no idea about what they're doing. No one seems to be standing up and taking control.
Suicidal thoughts could also be a way to control people or to have them take more responsibility for you and your life. They aren't going to fix your life and them give you back the reins or the control. In my experience recovery doesn't work like that.
I saw this quote yesterday. Help me change my life. (But don't make me do anything different.)
I agree they need to help me in some way they offer support but i feel no better for it. I am glad my therapist is getting other help because i know he cares enough to do it right and he doesn't want to make me worse. I know they are trying to keep me out of hospital because i have children and i reacted so badly last time i was there, when my therapist came to see me i cried the whole time and when my partner came i done the same, i didn't speak to anyone not even the staff although they were nice and tried talking to me, i was so scared there. I am glad in one way they don't put me back there.
I get the feeling that they expect me to control the suicidal feelings, and all they do is talk to me, i told my therapist today, the police had been in touch and i needed to talk to him first, i told him i was having one of those days where i have to fight with myself and all he says is keep yourself safe, basically meaning i know what i should do, but then again really what can they do?
I think the suicidal thoughts are a combination of things and the slightest stress sets them off even feeling frustrated and just depressed makes me suicidal. I just hope the assessment tells them what they want to know and me.
I hope you hear soon, there are always waiting lists for everything. Can i ask what was the therapy that was wrong how come they made you stay in the therapy?
Yeah my family is on a waiting list for outside help, its ok generally i used to cope really well but now my head is all over the place, that annoys me too i need to get control but sometimes i can't.
An idea of a time limit for you would be good its better to know when you might get seen. I was supposed to get the appointment to see that doctor four weeks after i was discharged from hospital that was in January, 18th May is a lot longer than four weeks, i know they knew i had a therapist and a social worker so maybe they knew i was ok, and now he is only seeing me because my therapist told him he needed me reassessed.
I need to go to bed its 12.40am and i have to get up at 8am.
Hope all is well.
I get the feeling that they expect me to control the suicidal feelings, and all they do is talk to me, i told my therapist today, the police had been in touch and i needed to talk to him first, i told him i was having one of those days where i have to fight with myself and all he says is keep yourself safe, basically meaning i know what i should do, but then again really what can they do?
I think the suicidal thoughts are a combination of things and the slightest stress sets them off even feeling frustrated and just depressed makes me suicidal. I just hope the assessment tells them what they want to know and me.
I hope you hear soon, there are always waiting lists for everything. Can i ask what was the therapy that was wrong how come they made you stay in the therapy?
Yeah my family is on a waiting list for outside help, its ok generally i used to cope really well but now my head is all over the place, that annoys me too i need to get control but sometimes i can't.
An idea of a time limit for you would be good its better to know when you might get seen. I was supposed to get the appointment to see that doctor four weeks after i was discharged from hospital that was in January, 18th May is a lot longer than four weeks, i know they knew i had a therapist and a social worker so maybe they knew i was ok, and now he is only seeing me because my therapist told him he needed me reassessed.
I need to go to bed its 12.40am and i have to get up at 8am.
Hope all is well.
If it makes you feel better my review could almost be considered a re-assessment so you're not alone there. I think it is possibly a positive thing. With me my mhs thought they knew everything so essentially they kept me trapped in therapy that they thought was beneficial but which was actually very unhelpful and traumatizing.
I think it is good that your T knows his limitations and is prepared to ask for help. If he can't treat you though or doesn't know how he should refer you to someone who can and does.
Suicidal thoughts is a lame excuse for them. Either they commit you or they don't but they shouldn't whine about what they're left with.
What is important for them to know (other than are you safe) is what is causing or triggering the suicidal thoughts? What function do they have?
I have some idea about which of my buttons if pushed will leave me feeling suicidal.
Obviously your team can't contain you and that is very, very bad on their behalf. To me it shows a lack of experience and confidence in dealing with people with your issues.
No, no letter. One from the government saying that they hadn't received my review form for my sickness benefit. Which I had already sent in. Apparently they are going to pay me $10 more each week. Not sure why exactly as I thought my medical expenses had decreased. ??
It will be eight weeks this week. I told my GP that minimum I felt they should have sent a letter to say my appointment will be in x many weeks or months, etc. The doctor could be waiting for confirmation from my mhs about funding. Or it could be that he has a big long waiting list. Not sure.
In our mhs an urgent referral would probably take two weeks. In another I expect that would be longer and I think it's probably gone through as routine anyway.
The doctor doing the review may also want a specific number of consults to be funded so that he can follow it up. A one off may be a huge waste of everybodies time. ?? Maybe there will be a letter next time someone gets the mail. ?? Doubtful.
Good luck with the scan/ midwifery visit. Your daughter's decisions don't make you a bad parent. It sounds as though your whole family, like mine, need intervention.
I hope all goes well.
I think it is good that your T knows his limitations and is prepared to ask for help. If he can't treat you though or doesn't know how he should refer you to someone who can and does.
Suicidal thoughts is a lame excuse for them. Either they commit you or they don't but they shouldn't whine about what they're left with.
What is important for them to know (other than are you safe) is what is causing or triggering the suicidal thoughts? What function do they have?
I have some idea about which of my buttons if pushed will leave me feeling suicidal.
Obviously your team can't contain you and that is very, very bad on their behalf. To me it shows a lack of experience and confidence in dealing with people with your issues.
No, no letter. One from the government saying that they hadn't received my review form for my sickness benefit. Which I had already sent in. Apparently they are going to pay me $10 more each week. Not sure why exactly as I thought my medical expenses had decreased. ??
It will be eight weeks this week. I told my GP that minimum I felt they should have sent a letter to say my appointment will be in x many weeks or months, etc. The doctor could be waiting for confirmation from my mhs about funding. Or it could be that he has a big long waiting list. Not sure.
In our mhs an urgent referral would probably take two weeks. In another I expect that would be longer and I think it's probably gone through as routine anyway.
The doctor doing the review may also want a specific number of consults to be funded so that he can follow it up. A one off may be a huge waste of everybodies time. ?? Maybe there will be a letter next time someone gets the mail. ?? Doubtful.
Good luck with the scan/ midwifery visit. Your daughter's decisions don't make you a bad parent. It sounds as though your whole family, like mine, need intervention.
I hope all goes well.
I am having one of those days again where i have to fight with these feelings, the meeting went ok this morning but i still feel frustrated, my therapist didn't attend i would have liked him there but i know he had his reasons, i felt put on the spot a bit but they are nice people.
My social worker said my therapist wants me assessed by the hospital psychatrist the one i saw when i was in hospital, he said he wants his opinion on what is the best way to treat me and they keep feeling like they are missing something, the appointment is in four weeks time after that she said they will arrange the respite for a week for the intensive therapy, i should feel happy about all this but i am on my way back down, i hate it but i managed to stay up for a week this time well mostly up so thats progress.
My teenage daughter is pregnant and we are going for her 22 week scan today, i should be excited but all i think about is escape it makes me feel so bad that i am a bad parent. I can't get away today because of the scan then the midwife is calling to our house after she offers support because my daughter is only 17 thats the same age i was when she was born, so what can i say.
Not a good day so far and i am tired i didn't sleep again until 2am then i kept waking up then i slept in until after 8am and i had to get them ready for school and be at the meeting for 9am.
I feel my therapist is at a loss what to do about me and him asking for me to be re assessed just confirms what i thought. I knew i had what he told me anyway. He is helping a bit he is trying to boost my confidence in myself and encourage me to make decisions for myself, and just talk in general he is just offering his support until he is sure what to do and my social worker said all the suicidal thoughts are holding them back because they are unsure of me, makes me feel like its my fault, they are supposed to be the professionals.
Did you get a letter? How long have you been waiting? I hope you hear soon.
I hope you have a good day.
My social worker said my therapist wants me assessed by the hospital psychatrist the one i saw when i was in hospital, he said he wants his opinion on what is the best way to treat me and they keep feeling like they are missing something, the appointment is in four weeks time after that she said they will arrange the respite for a week for the intensive therapy, i should feel happy about all this but i am on my way back down, i hate it but i managed to stay up for a week this time well mostly up so thats progress.
My teenage daughter is pregnant and we are going for her 22 week scan today, i should be excited but all i think about is escape it makes me feel so bad that i am a bad parent. I can't get away today because of the scan then the midwife is calling to our house after she offers support because my daughter is only 17 thats the same age i was when she was born, so what can i say.
Not a good day so far and i am tired i didn't sleep again until 2am then i kept waking up then i slept in until after 8am and i had to get them ready for school and be at the meeting for 9am.
I feel my therapist is at a loss what to do about me and him asking for me to be re assessed just confirms what i thought. I knew i had what he told me anyway. He is helping a bit he is trying to boost my confidence in myself and encourage me to make decisions for myself, and just talk in general he is just offering his support until he is sure what to do and my social worker said all the suicidal thoughts are holding them back because they are unsure of me, makes me feel like its my fault, they are supposed to be the professionals.
Did you get a letter? How long have you been waiting? I hope you hear soon.
I hope you have a good day.
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