14, depression?

[fireflies2304]

Ok so I'm 15 but I'm pretty mature because of my past, and I think I'm suffering depression. I had a bad upbringing with my alcoholic mom and now I live with my nan most of the time, and spend a few days a week with my dad and my brothers, we all get on well. And I'm clever, I know I am, but recently my grades have been slipping. And I have a few close friends too but recently I can't be bothered with them. And all I want to do is sleep, like all the time. And at night I get into bed but I don't sleep because I just stay up thinking and crying until the early hours, which means I wake up late, but even then I feel exhausted. And I think I love this boy, but he has a girlfriend and he just picks me up and drops me whenever he wants me.. so that doesn't help. And I hate who I am, sometimes I think "I'm not too ugly and I could be fatter" and feel like I'm ok, but most of the time I hate myself and just hide away, just give up on bothering to look good.I just don't know what to do anymore. It feels like I'm floating through life, just existing, just because I don't have the courage to end my life. And I've considered it, but I'm even too much of a coward to do it. I don't know so I was hoping someone has some ideas on what it could be? I want to do something but I don't want to tell my family without being abit more sure because they might think I'm overreacting or just being a moody teen, thanks, anything would help xx

[AngieWay14]

I agree with Cbkid23...maybe you should mention this at your next doctors visit and he/she can give you the answer you're looking for. I understand how you feel, keep on keepin' on!

[fireflies2304]

Thanks you it means a lot xx

[Cbkid23]

No Problem :) be sure to keep an eye out if it starts to get worse. Sometimes its better to get help before you reach a very scary place. :p just like isolating yourself from the people who probably enjoy your company. Especially, if this keeps ruining your nights sleep. That can really throw some things out of whack. I can totally relate to the hating yourself part. More like who you become really. But I'm glad that you want help and the first step reaching out is always a positive direction on the road to recovery. You know what your feeling and don't let people downplay it. Their not the ones living with it haha just thought I'd put my extra input in there. Hope this turns around for you. Maybe find out what your local k-love station is on the radio (or the website). Their songs REALLY inspired me at my lowest.

[fireflies2304]

Thankyou! I just wasn't sure if maybe I was just being dramatic, but I think maybe I am suffering some form of depression. If it continues like this I think I'm going to have to go to my family about it xx

[Cbkid23]

:( It can be very hard sometimes and I am sorry to hear your going through this. I understand from it personally. For me I didn't even consider escaping the hell I was going through till I hit rock bottom one night. Things didn't change until I finally reached out to family members. They do care about you and if you go to them and tell them sincerely that this is more then just a typical mood swing they'll listen. It may take convincing, but you will get through to them. It can feel very isolating and even more so if you want to be alone. I would highly recommend going to see a doctor who can help. Especially when thoughts like that start going round and round in your head. Words can't describe. But I really hope the best for you :/ it may take some time, but you don't have to go through it alone. I'm not a doctor, but I just know from experience that it could be depression. Do what you think is best for you and the sooner it is looked at the sooner you can get back to the great person I'm sure you really are :) Hang in there and keep holding on.