I hate my life

[seroni]

I hate myself, people in general, even my family. I have no friends, people think I'm strange because I'm so quiet. I'm sick of people asking me why I'm so quiet. People tend to treat me like an object instead of a person. Always telling me what to do, I'm sick of it. I'm not a baby! I'm pretty sure I have a mental disorder, most likely avoident personality disorder and selective mutism. People talk about me, when I'm right there! They have no respect for me. They don't realize I have feelings. I'm sick of being left out in partner projects. I'm sick of being rejected. I hate going to school, seeing everybody happy there kills me. I never smile, or say anything. I'm so miserable in school! I'm 16 years old, and I just wish I could drop out! I'm failing two of my classes, and I'm pretty sure I won't graduate high school or go on to college. Life is hell for me, I suffer in silence. I was diagnosed with depression by a doctor. My parents ignore the fact that I have depression. They yell at me when I'm feeling depressed. I just want to die, at least I'll be loved when I'm in heaven. I'm starting to feel bitter about everything. I lie in bed all the time, distracting myself by listening to music. It gives me an escape from the pains of everyday life. People say that I'm pretty but I don't believe them. I know that I'm ugly and worthless. My mom always calls me names like pig, stupid, a mute. She threatens to give me medicine for my "mental disorder". She tells me I'm crazy like my aunt. Nobody loves me or cares about me. I feel all alone in this world. I'm not getting treatment for my depression. My depression is getting worse. I've experienced several mental breakdowns. I was so upset about school that I sobbed and told my mom that I was going to throw myself out of the car. My mom yelled at me and belittled me when I got back home afterschool. My dad joined in. One time I got so upset about school, I threw a pillow at my mom's mirror and almost broke it. My mom threatened to knock me out afterwards. I look at myself and see a sad girl. I see the sadness in my eyes everyday. I don't eat very much, just one meal a day. I'm underweight, the last time I weighed myself, I was 98 ibs. I keep to myself all the time, I don't want to be rejected by people. I lock myself in my room and just try to escape from this horrible world. I'm unmotivated at school, I don't do my work in class or my homework. I feel like a bad lazy person. I've had so many absences, in school. The school threatened to put my mom in court! I need help!

[Princessdaniella]

You should seek help from a medical professional.
You are only Young still and You have much time to learn and experience still.
I wouldn't worry about not having friends if You're quiet teenagers are still growing at Your age and will do anything to fit in and fight peer pressure. It does not mean no one likes You it just means they're insecure and worried about fitting in themselves.
I wouldn't take it personally.
Your parents should be supporting and encouraging You, you need support at the moment and it is best You see a mental health professional no one in a forum is able to diagnose and treat You.
You seem really good with expressing Yourself, a lot of people are not able to do that.
Have You tried writing a journal, expressing Yourself through poetry or writing, it can be  a good help.

[JackPipsam]

"don't worry be happy" while a great song the words are of wisdom

as you grow up and get a job everything will get better

[blueboy121]

I'm 14 from Ireland and don't have a girlfriend atm. I felt like this for a while, just meet some people and be more outgoing

[ladyblue22]

Yes you do need help!! I'm sorry you feel this way, but the way you describe your lack of interest in things just screams depression to me.
Go see a doc. and tell him/her the story you just wrote and you will see what the doc. says.
Do it for yourself and your family. You might not be very fond of them right now, but trust me once you start feeling better you will see that everything in life is not as ugly and bad as it seems right now. You should find some sports or other hobby that you enjoy, work out, go out and if its just walking around in the mall.... start eating more then once a day....that is not good for you. Not eating can cause you to be tired and so on, because you are not supplying your body with the proper nutrition.
You are the master of your body and soul and you have to keep it healty....if you can not do it by yourself by being positive please go and see a doc. and a therapist maybe.  who knows maybe you just have to get a few things off your chest to make you feel better.

Good luck

[dlr2007]

My heart really goes out to you. I have teenagers now and my own teenage years were awful-  I also felt terrible about myself, and abused myself with drugs and casual sex. And I felt like a reject in school too- kids were brutal and made fun of me for no real reason. I know it feels like you are all alone and nobody cares, but you're not alone and there are lots of people who care. You did the right thing reaching out on here- now you need to take it further. It sounds like your parents don't know how to handle all this. Your mum calling you names is cruel, and she should stop that- it will not help you at all. I think you should go to the counselor at school for a start, and tell him/her how you are feeling. They will probably be able to refer you to a good counselor outside of school who can help you to get a handle on these feelings. Lots of teenagers feel confused, misunderstood and have extreme mood swings... but if you are feeling sad most of the time, and have been feeling that way for more than a week, you should get some help. You should have somebody to talk to, who won't judge you or threaten you, and who will believe in you and help you see that you are a GOOD person, that you have value and a great future ahead of you, even if it's hard to see now. You sound like a very intelligent girl- there is no limit to what you can do with your life is you hang in there and get through this. You may need an antidepressant if counseling doesn't help you feel better after a while, but only a professional can decide that- and it would be up to you and him/her to decide. Your mom should not threaten you with medicine- don't let that give you the wrong impression of antidepressants, they can be lifesavers when nothing else works. Please don't drop out of school- I did that and it's so hard to find a good job with no diploma. You will be able to get your grades up once you feel happier and more in control of your life. I'm upset to see that you're not getting support at home, but that means you must find it outside your home. Remember, start ith the school counselor, and if for some reason that doesn't get you any help, look in your phone book for counseling services near you. Here is the suicide/depression hotline- it's a tollfree number- 1-800-784-2433 - 1-800-SUICIDE will help you remember it if you need to. I will  check back to see how you're doing. Send me a private message if you like- I come on here every few days usually, but I'll make sure I'm on later tonight and tomorrow. Things will get better- you can't change other people, but you can take steps to help yourself be happier. Good luck and I hope to "talk" to you again soon.
Dee

[Takeo]

Hi there, my name is Takeo,
I am an 18 male from Ireland, and have some of the same problems as you mentioned, I regret not being more out-going, and I hate not having a girlfriend at 18 years old.
The best advise I can give you is to find a friend and when you are feeling under the weather write down how you fell in a journal and look at it the next time you feel happy or content in yourself.
You will have a change in heart and will say to yourself how silly you were, and will help YOURSELF with your depression.
Please leave a message saying if you tried it and if it worked.