Hi, I am eighteen years old, and ever since I was 5, I knew I was attracted to guys. I have dated girls and I don't really mind it, but when I am with a guy, it's like...more intense...and new? I guess?
I kissed my best friend when I was 5, and it wasnt just a peck, it was a pretty drawn out thing. I have never had sex with a guy, I have came close however. I just kind of backed out of it I guess? My sister who is 25, calls me a fag and other discouraging names when she is mad at me. My mom knows I like guys, and she has seen me with guys and all, and she has told me that she will love me no matter what. I feel really fortunate to have a mom like that. I feel really sad for the kids who come out to there parents and peers, only to get called names, and discouraged. I also live in a smaller town, where I dress different, and I have my hair different. Everyone in this town kind of shuns me off for it I think. They are all a bunch of country hicks who have nothing better to do. So needless to say, Its hard for me to make friends here. I moved here from Las Vegas, I actually had friends there, because its a bigger city and more oppurtunities. I also wear makeup, tight band shirts, and tight jeans. Im not suicidal but sometimes it just gets me down. People say that if I want to have friends and have a life, I need to conform, and I dont think thats right. I have seen plenty of kids that dress like me and they have friends...so I dont really understand what im doing wrong. I am also really soft, I get hurt easily. I'm deffenitly not a "manly man" but its not like im a cross dresser, lol. My sexual feelings are about the same wheather im with a guy or a girl, depending if I have feelings for them. I don't need councling or any of that, Im perfectly normal.
I think its the city that I live in, and because its filled with illegal's and punjabi's, it makes it even harder.
I mean, its like...why not move to mexico or india? thats how it feels living in my town....
Im not racist, Im just saying, thats how it is.
Any advice is appreciated.
- Hayden <3