Depressed?

[autumncp]

I am a sixteen year old girl.  I don't drink, I don't do drugs, don't smoke, I eat well & exercise. I get along with people okay but I don't really have many close friends, maybe two or three. I wouldn't describe myself as a lonely person, though. I study relatively hard and get good grades at school.

When I was thirteen I began cutting myself and most of my fourteenth year was a huge downward spiral: I am almost certain that I suffered from some form of depression in that year but have never been diagnosed as my parents just shook it off, saying I was too young. I haven't harmed myself since I was fourteen though. However, lately (past three or four months) I've been feeling really down and I have noticed that I have been feeling much the same way as I did when I was fourteen.

Lately I've been crying at random intervals; the tiniest things can make me break down. I constantly feel at the point of a breakdown, and I feel stressed all the time.

I usually just feel in a constant down-in-the-dumps kind of mood, but sometimes I start to listen to words in my head (not voices or delusions, I am aware that they are my own thoughts in my mind) saying things like "you are a failure, no one loves you, you deserve to die, you are unbelievably stupid, you are worthless". This could pop up at any time, for example in conversation with peers and I say something slightly awkward that everyone else shakes off but then those thoughts come into my head and I can't fight them off, as hard as I try. It's when this happens that marks the beginning of a big breakdown.

I sometimes have trouble sleeping as well. Also, I used to write poetry/prose almost every day, or at least in my journal, but I haven't written anything for a good six months. I just can't seem to put my feelings on paper.

I'm scared to tell my parents about how I feel because they are both going through a lot at the moment. I know that they will see me as a disappointment if I tell them because I remember how they acted when I was fourteen. I don't want to put them through that again, but at the same time I'm scared that I'm going to get worse. Do I have depression? Is there anything I can do on my own to shake it off without letting my parents know?

[predazord12192]

my name is Gregory cross and I'm 22 and when I get depressed I use a pacifier as a coping tool or a baby bottle and I curl up in a ball in my bed and just use my pacifier or bottle and I also sometimes wish that I had a girl because I have no social life no friends no money no car no job  no life at all I need some friends to keep me going

[OliveFox]

I would recommend finding an online community like Tumblr or something, with a demographic closer to you. There are a lot of girls like you and me that are going through similar emotional distress (yes! you have depression!) and being around people online that can relate with you is a great thing- even if you don't know them. I also suggest finding coping methods that you can implement in your daily life; small things like self-soothing techniques, surrounding yourself with things that make you feel safe and content, and practicing meditative activities will help you reduce your stress.
I take melatonin to help me sleep. You can buy it at any grocery store and it'll help you establish a healthy sleeping pattern. Don't become dependent on it for your 8 hours though! Taking 30 minute naps after school can also help reduce your stress.
I draw and paint, and I know how hard it is to not feel creative anymore. I struggle with that every day, and I can only recommend that you use prompts and similar things to help you write again. Writing every day, even if it's just a journal of your feelings, helps a lot too.

[berk89]

.. I wish I had a great, simple solution to your problem..I don't but I do understand somr what you are talking about because my granddaughter has the (kinda) same probs....I wish you were here so I could tell you the same things I tell her.  You are important...You must not dwell on the sad feelings (her dad died 3 yrs ago)  She must not become a meth head (her mother is)..she is not on drugs, meth, drink or smoking.  She had few friends in school (she graduated last year)..she fell into the cutting (trying to stop the pain)...sticking her fingers down her throat (I threatened to stomp her into the ground for that crap)... Do you have anyone that cares for you like I do my grand daughter?  Please think it through and trust your instinks...it only takes one person to help...then you can help someone else that needs you..