I need help and fast

[Minisharpiee]

I guess it anxiety but its a mizture of everything anxiety, feeling worthless, my grades dropped. I feel like a complete faliure. I have tried to commit suicide but it did not work out. I know trying to do that was very selfish and not strong of me, but I have been dealing with this for 3 years and its catching up to me now. I was an honor roll student since 3rd grade ( is that possible? ) Anyway, in 7th I had a surgery for scoliosis, had to re register, and was out of the honors, but its okay because I still managed a good average of a 90. Basically an A. I am a freshman and I am currently getting all Fs in every subject for my first semester and my first marking period of my second semester. I gave up a long time ago. Part of it is the teasing/bullying that happens to me in school and how the kids avoid me like the plague, and the fact that in my school the teachers have an " if your not already smart enough to understand it once, im not gonna say it again " attitude. My school is very snotty and I asked since the first month to transfer. Anyway, the major part is because of my depression. It has took a toll on my life. I have never been the social butterfly but I always had a good amount of friends, enjoyed talking on the phone going out playing sports and whatever. Now I dont feel like doing anything. I go to bed at 2am and I wake up at 6 and even though im tired I can't fall back asleep. In the morning I wake up feeling like I can not breathe which passes but I have very strong anxiety attacks when I start crying ( which is usually out of no where ) I just feel like I am a faliure and my mom is always yelling at me threatening to take away my cell phone, etc but thats not doing anything. I have skipped school so many times just so I wont have to get bullied, I take pain killers just to numb the feeling. I am at my wits end and I told my mom and she said its impossible for teens to be put under so much stress. It actually IS NOT. The stress of looking perfect, acting perfect, impressing people you hate, kissing *** just to make sure you pass a class, study, stay after school, community service, make sure you have good grades to get into a good collage to pass to get a good job. WE ARE CREATING OUR FUTURE RIGHT NOW. And to me, that is ALOT to deal with. I am basically self destroying and I don't want to do it. I am tired of feeling alone and my mom/dad refusing to get me help because what I am dealing with isnt " big"

I do not like my dad for many reason too much to go into and my mom FORCES me to spend time with him just so she can go out and have a day to herself. In my opinion, I think its nice to have a day to yourself, but she makes it seem like she never wants me around and then yells at me saying " thanks norma I can never go out because I have to make sure I come home to you " I refuse to spend a weekend of hell with my dad. Anyone else but my dad. My whole family basically thinks im a nut case, so rude and disrespectful, I dont mean to be I really dont :( but no one is listening to my problems. My counselor is an *** and a half and I have the WORST time opening up to people about my problems if I do I just break down and cry and I dont like crying in front of people.



I just feel like I am a waste of a body in this world. I do not know what to do right now :(

[x89rt]

Scratch that. Extremely desperate and embarrasing plan failed miserably which is why I spent the last half hour crying.

[x89rt]

Welcome to my world. I'm going through much of the same things you are. Hate school, failing, not so much as being bullied but more of no one wants to even bother trying to get to know me, which hurts just as bad, and I also dislike my father. Last week for me has felt like absolute hell for me. Every plan me and my psychologist have come up with has failed. I just put in my last really desperate idea into play. We'll see how it will work out, but chances are that by the end of this month I won't be here anymore. I know this isn't really the optimistic response you were hoping for but if anything, it means you aren't alone. I don't have a life so I come here often so if you ever feel like talking, I'm here. Who knows, maybe talking to eachother will cheer us both up a little.