I don't want to live anymore but I don't want to hurt my family. What should I do?

[Lovatic101]

I'm 15 years old and I have anxiety and depression.  I go to a therapist so my mom thinks it's "helping."  I don't do drugs or anything like that.  I have 3 friends never been popular.  I've never dated.  I've been bullied so badly some girl told me she hopes I go to hell so she can kill me over and over again.  I changed schools but the problem only got worse.  Everyone ignores me and the only friend I have at school almost killed herself last year.  I began cutting in 8th grade so two years ago.  I've tried to kill myself before and I'm thinking about it now.  I just can't stop thinking about it.  I don't know what to do.... Help would be greatly accepted.  

[cjpoulin]

hey sweetie ty for the friend request, i have alot of experience in this topic, my sister suffed from mood disorder as well as my 15 yr old son, cant tell you how it breaks my heart to see my son struggle with this disorder and school, makes me cry just to talk about it, he has been bullied since 1st grade, kids have picked on him name called, beat him up, the sadest was when he stopped taken lunch because the kids would take what they wanted and then pour the rest over his head, embaressment is his middle name, but he is strong and gets threw it, everytime he came home crien or worst when he would come home silenced, then i knew it was real bad day, but i reminded him of my experience with all the cool kids who were the most popular and bullies, with their fame came great conciquence, 99 percent of them today are drugies, lost their kids their families, prostitue for drugs, i seen this girl who was most popular and very vain in highschool, she now prostitues and strips, wow what a loser, and then see the girls who were picked on everyday at school, and are sucessful with families and houses, you see it means nothing to be popular,highschool is so miniscule in the rem of things, focus on ur education, it is truely what is the most important thing, my son struggles with grades but he is passing and that is whats important, because when he graduates and becomes someone, all these lil punks will eat their words and choke on his sucess, my sister who had mood disorder so bad she could barley function, suicide and self mutilation where her friends, but thank god she didnt suceed because today she has a beautiful home in florida with five beautiful daughters and an amazing man by her side, what a waist if she let her disorder win and she wasnt here today to see the wonderful life she could have had, i thank the good lord she is, because i have her and my beautiful nieces,and she has more friends then she needs to lol, i myself have none now, all my friends from school are on drugs or just plain losers, the most popular of em are the worst off,and the quote on quote geeks r the sucessful ones,  that is gonna be you sweetie, you have your whole future in the palm of your hands, and no friends means no distractions, because truely ur future is what is important, friends especiallyin school i promise you even if u had 100, they all go off their seperate ways and you wind up left with just u and ur future, so invest in that, throw urself in it and reap the benefits from it in a couple yrs to come, even my daughter who is now in collage dont talk to any of girls from highschool, they all went their own ways..please listento me because i promise you in 3 yrs from now you will be telling me how right i was, i know having no friends stinks, but it really doesnt impact ur future.i wanna see you as i see my sister, happy mother she is a paralegal.and really lives a forfilling life now, and all her strugles at ur age are a distant memory..

[mandapanda928]

Ok DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO THAT. What you need to do is find the beauty within yourself because it is there, ignore what other people think "opinions are like assholes and everyones got one" And also think of all these teenagers that do commit suicide , you need to stay here and fight for them and show them that it can be helped , and that you and they are strong enough to fight and to live. I have been in your shoes, girls can be evil and things can hurt to where you don't wanna live anymore, but no one knows what comes after life, you are here and you are beautiful because of it, because your heart beats everyday, you are wanted here. And about being popular people are just people and being unique is something i see as amazing popular people are only popular cause they go with the flow and do what everyone else does. And that girl that said that to you probably has a lot of problems with herself. No one should ever EVER say that too anyone. That's bullys for you, just remember you are who you are, and no one else can define you. Live up to what you wanna be and who you want to be and don't ever give up on yourself because you deserve to LIVE and to BE HAPPY. And if other people you surround yourself by don't make you feel good, then don't listen to them. This is YOUR life. YOURS. You have to do what you want with it, and i hope you make the choice to stay and if anything helps reach out to people and other young girls who are going through what your going through and talk about it, and inspire eachother to live, because that is the greatest thing of all, yes, sometimes it's hard and we don't want to be here . But then there's those good days and you know what i'm talking about where your happy , and just live for those moments, and let yourself be at peace with your life.  

[Meliciana]

((big hugs to you)))
Dearest Lovatic101:
My name is Meli, and I'd like to be your friend :)
I too have mood disorders, and I have since I was a young girl. Life sometimes isnt easy, and there are so many factors that contribute to our mental health. I know how hard it can be sometimes with both anxiety and depression. You don't know whether to run or cry sometimes, right? If you're coming or going? Well, hang in there. The only way that you will get better is if you are completely honest with your therapist, and embrace going there. Yell, scream, cry, carry on with them, that is what they are there for :) Don't take your life honey. There are so many people in your family and extended family (Family isnt always blood, remember that!) that would miss you if you were to give up your fight. As for having three friends. 3 Friends are better than no friends, and being popular isn't all its cracked up to be. I was one of the popular kids, when I was young and it's hard...because everyone wants to do what you're doing, its like having 55 baby sisters, copying everything you do and say. There is never room to be an individual, and it gets lonley.
There are two sides to every coin, and I'd much rather have traded places with you on the popular vote thing. 3 friends that are real and that care about you are better than 55 baby sister imitations pretending to be your friends cause you are cool, or for whatever reason.
Life can get rough, and unfriendly and I might not understand exactly what you are going through, because everyone is different, I can offer that I relate to you, because I too thought about welcoming death.
I tried acting on it, and I got frustrated because I couldn't even do that right. If it gets to be too much, please, talk with your mama. get in to see your doctor, and see about getting some medication. There are medications out there in combinations that can help you feel better, but you have to find them. finding them isnt easy, and it is tiresome. But, you can do this. you got this. Dont lay down and let depression win!
I believe in you..
Best wishes,
Meli