I'm 14.I need help,fast.PLEASE HELP if you can.

[CoolCroatian]

Before saying anything else,I would like to thank my good friend wellb that got me trough the rough times I spent thinking of death.I have not heard from her for 8 months.I would like to talk to her again.
Thank you wellb.

To start this off I just wanted to say that I haven't visited this forum for almost a year and a lot has happened since then.
I am now 14.I am from Croatia,Europe.
I need help.

This might get a little bit lengthy.
Alright,so,a year ago I smoked weed out of curiosity.Not one time though,it was 4-5 times.
The first time I felt nothing and the second time I felt a buzz and I was laughing my *** off.The third time was incredibly torturous.
I was laughing and laughing and then suddenly I just felt like all my emotions were gone.I started freaking out.
I was really depersonalised and derealized at that point.It didn't help that my friend thought I was joking and started telling me how I was in a coma and he's talking me trough some new technology and everything is but a projection created by him(to this day I think I'm in a coma even though I know I'm not and I continuously search for evidence of this subconsciously).
The first two days after that I didn't know what was going on and I was searching the internet for what is happening to me,for a cure even.
I learned about the dissociative disorders also known as depersonalisation and derealization.
I had to go to school the next day and I felt like there was a huge battle going on in my mind.
I got an F in math and then I just surrendered the fight.
I was so anxious and terrified of being among all these people and that's when my coping mechanism kicked in.Suddenly,I stopped sweating and I wasn't anxious anymore.All other symptoms remained though.
The fourth and fifth time I just got really depressed and anxious when I smoked but it stopped in a few hours.

My coping mechanism works in a such a way that as soon as I feel depersonalization coming back I just kinda push it and try to contain it in this little cage.It requires an incredible deal of concentration.
I feel as though trough this year this has been building up and it's just gonna explode one day and I'll go insane.

I've been to a doctor and I have told my parents.Both of those just made it worse.
I didn't take any medication because I've heard from numerous people that they just make it worse.
The amount of people that recover from this is really quite small(about 2-3%)

My symptoms include:
-Time seems faster
-Worse concentration
-Worse memory
-No emotions(my dad died and I literally felt nothing,I was a little shooken up but other than that nothing)
-Depressed(sometimes)
-Anxious thoughts(not rare,but there is only a small amount)
-Oftenly don't know how to act in social situations

NOTE:I only smoked weed 4-5 times a year ago,I don't chronically use it.
NOTE:I don't want to kill myself but I've thought of suicide before and I just didn't do it because I didn't want to hurt my family and friends and frankly,I appreciate life too much.
NOTE:I have considered having anxiety disorder and maybe PTSD and have thought of going to therapy but that would take up too much of my time and I need all the time I can get for school.Especially now since my grades went from A's to C's and D's,depersonalization being the cause of that.

What do I do?

[noisesbythewindow]

Well obviously weed isn't the answer. But I know what you mean, just for a while it takes away your feeling of worry and being scared and you feel like you can do whatever the **** you want.
But you really should try dealing with whats going on either in therapy or finding another way to let your emotions out.
The first few times you smoke weed its new to your body's system so it can make you laugh alot or get really angry but if we keep smoking it eventually our body's start to catch on. Which leaves us with a light headed/headache feeling.
It can take hours, even days possibly for you to feel and function totally normal again.
Maybe you should try a therapist, and medication doesn't make it worse but if however if what you're feeling now is withdrawl symptoms, which I doubt is even possible after a year, your body could re-create that attachment with the medications, but you should ask a professional to be sure. Don't worry about the weed, everything is confidetial.

And all of those symptoms you listed could result into numerous serious problems or could already be problems you need to deal with which is where therapy comes in.

Good luck.

[synergy172]

This may seem a little corny but I would say do everything you can to keep focusing on school. I say this because once you dropout its an uphill battle. You'll find that you can sleep much easier if you dont have to deal with the sortof problems that come from being a high school dropout.

I've smoked a lot of weed so I can sympathize with what your feeling. All i can say here is take your mind off of doing weed because it always makes whatever your feeling in your head worse in the long run. Physical excercise helps alot and you can still quit while your not addicted. A smart man once said "When you do drugs, your leaving yourself at the door" meaning you will find yourself again after being sober for awhile. God bless and good luck.