Why am i like this?

[haylie710]

Last year I began to try to lose weight by starving myself, but often messed up, so I gave up on that and ate like a normal person again. Then I began gaining some weight maybe 10lbs, but I was 13 and growing. At school i found myself very unhappy and struggling with my grades like always, where my 16 year old brother had just gotton his license, became a national merit scholar, published a play, and was his usual perfect self. (yea he acctually did accomplish all that) I found every topic to be about him, and one day i took an eraser and rubbed it on my arm in 2 different spots until i bled. Feeling a little better, life went on. Then graduation from 8th grade grew closer, and i became really sad because my best friend since k5 and i were going to different highschools and i had seen here everyday for as long as i could remember. But i felt better after hours of crying. then i graduated, and that night i had never felt so alone. i cried and cried, wanting to go back and repete 8th grade over and over again. The next morning, i slept in, and felt a little better. I continued through my summer, and then being the animal lover i was begged my gma for a dog, she let me get the dog because i had been promised it by my mom b4 we moved in with my gma, and i love the dog to death. This year, it's my first year of high school, and i despise it. i hate the ppl, the school, the teacher, and myself. My brother is once again the center of attention, and is looking at colleges, and heres me struggling to get through my first year of high school, then i find out i might have a learning disorder, but that doesnt concern anybody. So once again i am pushed to the side. i begin developing eating disorder habits, have cut myself 6 times since then, and find myself, crying for no reason, focusing on food completly, going on pro ana sites. I used to be very active in school too, but at my new school i do nothing. i loved sports with a burning passion, and now i dont do that, i loved singing with a burning passion, i no longer do that either.I have a suicide not on my computer just in case. my mom also tells me im stupid, ugly, and tells me to drop dead. She has slapped me during fights before. and has thrown things like small boxes, and papers at me. I know this is NOT normal for any 14 (almost 15) year old to be going through, so whats my problem? and is my mom possibly verbally, physically, or mentally abusing me?

[pink2385]

Well if you want it to change, u could always seek professional help, like thru a school counselor... but that's if u want to change. You also don't have to change everything, like if u only want to get out of the depression, u could talk to someone about that, and not the eating disorders.

[Haddock_Entrap_Propulasion]

Ok, to answer the last question first, yes, your mother is verbally and emotionally abusive.  
The eating and depression issues may to some extent be caused by your mother's behavior, or they may be clinical depressive disorder (disthymia or major depression),  and only exacerbated by environmental factors.  You should see a doctor about the depression, and see if you can find a trusted adult to talk to about your mother.