silence and pain coming back

[bipolerchick]

so i was for the longest time a self harmer and i have been trying my hardest not to fall back on it again but the night befor last things got really bad i am 18 and had my kid six days befor my birthday she was for mouths early and me and her dad have been fighting to get her back from the state but the night befor last i desided to finaly give up and i started hitting the concreat wall trying to brake my hand but sadly it did not work it did not happen my hand has gotten stronger at dealling with it bracking the bones grow back stronger and right now all i want to do is do something to bring the pain to stop the pain that i am letting happen cause i am doing the best for my kid i am doing what she needs i am giving her the life she needs the one with out me and it hurts so bad all i feel on the inside is pain and hurt and i cant get it to go away i am braking into peaces and cant keep going on like this i cant keep it up i dont now what to do or where to go from here its like my heart is braking like everything on the inside is falling apart and like its my falt like i am  messing up i want to just end this pain even if that means ending my life

[April2]

Self harm and cutting fall under the same category and DBT and CBT therapy would benefit you greatly. If your therapist is untrained in this type of therapy you may want to find another. There is hope. You are not doomed just because of your father or your past. You can do better and feel better with a little work and finding the right therapist and/or medication. You are still very young. There are many people with bipolar, etc. who are doing great now because they found the right medication and doctors who work with them. I hope you will take all of that into consideration.
Best wishes,
April

[bipolerchick]

i see a pyic dr i have bipoler i was told this when i was in the 8th gread and since then i have been doing what i can i am singing my rights over i am not getting my kid back there going to take her from me in two mouths anyways the pain is only killing me more to try and hold on to something that i can never have she is better off not even nowing me at all trust me i got alot wrong with me and that is from the pyic dr the part where i got alot wrong up stairs i dont want her hurting like i did with my real dad he has the same thing and he left i now i am being just like him by leaving but i am doing what is better for her i am doing what is good for her not me thats why this is all happening i am up set and i am not cutting i am self harming hitting walls drinking and smoking pot again

[April2]

Of course you want to end the pain but doing so by ending your life isn't the answer. It only makes things worse. You have a little girl who needs you. You need to believe you have it in you to want to do better and get better. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, please find someone to talk to who can help you through these emotions and someone is is experienced in self-harm and depression. Have you tried taking medication? Sometimes it can take a long time to find one that works. Be patient. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You don't have to feel this way. You are worthy! You are special. Yes, you are! There is no one else like you. You deserve the best treatment and you deserve happiness!
My daughter went through a rough time very similar to you. She used to be a cutter too. We got her into counseling with a counselor who used CBT and DBT therapy and that can really help! Try to find one who uses these type treatments. She was in therapy for about 2 years. About a year and a half ago she went on a youth retreat and came back to God and has been so much happier. She's a different girl today. I am so grateful to God and everyone praying for her because she was in bad shape a few years ago. There is hope! There is a God who loves you dearly and you mean everything to Him. He doesn't want you to hurt yourself. He wants the best for your life. He doesn't want you to be so unhappy. You can have peace and joy again. Don't give up. There really is hope. Please find a good therapist and if you haven't tried it yet, try God and prayer. I've seen miracles in my own family. I don't know what I'd do without my faith. I will pray for you. I pray you will be able to get your little girl back soon but until then, concentrate on getting well yourself. God bless you, Sweetie. You're in my thoughts and prayers. You can talk to me any time, if you need someone to talk to. I'm a pretty good listener.*Hugs and blessings*
April