Two completely opposite sides

[cameron111]

Well first of all I'm a guy. I never really fit in much because I have been moving every couple of years my entire life. I move because my mother is a pretty successful worker in a large company I won't name... and I don't hate her for moving me around, after all I would feel horrible if my teen emotions got in the way of her success in life. Anyway, thats not what's making me feel so bad all the time. See, I'm sexually submissive. I'm not gay, trust me on that, but I am definitely submissive. I don't know if it's because I couldn't ever fir in from my moving or I was just born that way... but the problem is my personality is the opposite. My non-sexual personality, the one everyone who has ever known me knows me by, is just a normal guy. A guy who is just like everyone else, just trying to fit in, and those feelings are sincere! I normally feel like acting like a normal guy! But I can't! When I'm turned on I become an entirely different person! I become submissive, timid, emotional. I become the complete opposite of what my usual personality is. It's just torture. I can never meet anyone and have them know me because, no matter what, they will always expect me to be one way, when in fact, my brain and body are telling me to act another. I'm just feeling so down now because I know that I'll never fit in. 99.99% of people aren't like me. 99.99% of people don't have two entirely conflicting personalities. So 99.99% of people won't accept me for who I am/won't understand me. I don't think I'll ever be able to know anyone who knows me for who I really am. Thats because most people wouldn't accept me and they would judge me if they found out about me. I can't tell anyone who I really am because I don't know anyone. I can't know anyone because I just keep moving. I'm usually not emotional about this or about anything for that matter but now I just can't shake this sad feeling and I can't stop thinking about how I'll never be able to know anyone who truly knows me. I'll never be able to have a real life friend who knows me and accepts me for me... I can't risk telling the wrong person about me either, my school is small. Everyone would know in a day, and you know how fast gossip spreads.

[Luzarr]

I'm sorry that you have two different personalities. I'll accept you for who you are, if you want to talk or something. I'll make you feel better. I'm a pretty decent kid and I'm very sweet. So yeah, the people that really accept you for who you are, submissive side or normal side, they are your true friends. Anyone else that makes fun of you/ignores you, is not.

[goodgardenpeas28]

I am not sure that 99.99% of people aren't like you...I'm just saying that there are a lot of people in the world and you may be like a lot of other guys out there who also don't want people to know about the way they are sexually, I think a lot of guys think its expected for them to be dominant but there are girls out there who want to be the dominant one, you could try talking to a professional or maybe just accept yourself for the way you are ( i know thats a hard thing to do) honestly I wouldn't worry about being submissive, you're young and will eventually find the right person to let know more about yourself

[cameron111]

I'm not thinking of suicide... I just am scared of how this can go from me realizing who I am and accepting it to feeling so bad about it so quickly. I'm scared I will start feeling even worse and I don't want to be a danger to anyone including myself. I don't want to be a burden on anyone though. I don't want to make my parents worry. I don't want them to lose sleep over my problems, it's not fair to them, but locking it up inside is just making me feel worse.