how do i get through death of a loved one??

[Tlholo]

Hi ppl!!Something very tragic and unexpected happened recently.My father passed away in a car accident and i cant make peace with the fact that im never see him again.i keep thinking about the day his colleagues came to tell me that he was no longer with us,for a moment there it felt unreal,but when i got home from potch,it then hit me that he's really gone.i've always been daddy's girl and its upheaval for me to let go of him and make peace with his death.he passed away on july 28th at about 12 noon.he was driving from bloemfontein to home along with two other colleagues.they all died due to a head-on collision with a truck and they were all injured very badly.im really trying to be strong but the truth is,im not succeeding.im even failing at varsity and i dont understand why because i do study.i really miss papa,sometimes id dial his number hoping to hear his voice,but then it hits me that his gone.i spend most of my time thinking about papa.I am sad,hurt and angry right now-angry at the world,angry at those who still have their fathers and angry at life!!!life can get ****** and unfair!!!ive gone to doctors and they've prescribed all kinds of anti-depression pills and they're not helping much.my school work is suffering and i feel helpless because i do study but nothing productive comes out of it.i dont want to give up on life and i certainly know that papa would want me to be successful and happy in life,but right now life ***** like hell!!!how do i deal with my pain??

[jo929]

I am so sorry for your loss I know that words are not much comfort, and sometimes we wonder why me Lord

I know what you are going through. I lost my daughter on her birthday several years ago. I could not seem to accept it, so i stayed with anger for so long, as we all have to grieve in our own way, and it does take time, sometime words will not help, but sometimes it helps to talk about it I know that it seems impossible but time will heal some of your pain, and you will be able to accept it, I found that it helped for me to keep busy, and i stayed with my job, and worked also if you care to talk about it they have a loss and grief column column that may help. grieve in your own way if you feel like crying cry, if you feel like getting angry let it out Another thing that helped me was to think, that she went to a far better place, and now is in Gods tender care   take care there are people out here that care about you also another thing the pills may seem to help, but personally i do not believe that all the pills in the world will help we have to go through our own grieving, and the pills just keep it at bay  best wishes   jo

[April2]

I am so, so sorry! What a terrible thing to happen to you! It's not surprising at all the emotions you are experiencing. You've had a terrible shock. You need to give yourself time to grieve. Grief can take a long time. Don't try to rush it. You need to give yourself permission to grieve. Everyone is different and some take longer than others but there are normally 5 stages of grief we all go through. I'll list them here just so you know you aren't alone.
They are:

# Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
# Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
# Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
# Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
# Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what is going to happen/has happened.”

It sounds to me like you're in stage 2, the anger stage. All that you are experiencing is perfectly normal. Still, it doesn't make it any easier.
I think it would be a good idea for you to receive some counseling for awhile to help you process through all of this.
Talk to your mom or a close relative that you feel close to. Keep the communication lines open. Talk about your dad. So many times people think you can't talk about someone who has died. But it's the opposite! When you talk about him, it helps you keep his memory alive, for one thing, and helps you accept how things are. It's when no one will talk about him that that sense of unrealness lingers and you will feel angry.

Think about doing something in your dad's honor. Did he have a favorite charity or something he believed in? Maybe you could volunteer. Maybe you could plant a tree in his name. Think of something that you could do in his honor. That can really help you through this time and give you comfort.

Again, I'm so sorry you are going through this. No one should have to lose a parent so young. You have every right to feel angry and depressed. Don't be too hard on yourself right now. Just give yourself that time to grieve.
I hope any of this helps. I can't take your pain away, as much as I'd like to. But I CAN promise it will get better. You will never forget him, of course, but the pain won't always be this raw. I promise.
Just give yourself time to grieve. Don't rush it. Be kind to yourself. Don't expect too much out of you just yet. Just take this time to remember your dad.
I wish you well, my dear. God bless you and your family.
(((Hugs)))
April