im new to this..

[paigii]

im new to this..ive thought about getting help online but ive never really gone through with it..
im a teenager. ive gone to at least 4 different doctors for crying myself to sleep followed by no sleep at all...or depression. i was feeling fine for a while. then someone very close to me commited suicide. all of my unanswered questions quickly arouse. i used to or still had depression..she suffered from depression. why would she do this? she left behind 2 children. and a husband who all loved her dearly. thats when my depression arouse again. i started feeling really down..gaining a lot of weight. crying myself to sleep every..single..night. and it still happens. i have one good friend. but lately ive just felt alone. ive noticed that ive kept to myself a lot lately too..my family was watching tv but id be outside by myself..just thinking about how pitiful my life is. the doctors dont seem to help. i dont know what to do. ive never had suicidal thoughts. i cant imagine..
but i dont know where to turn.

[margypops]

I have read your post,one part of it tells you all, "my Family was watching TV but I'd be outside by myself..just thinking...how pitiful my life is.'".Now I want to tell you something, in that sentance it tells you it is your thoughts and only your thoughts are making you feel bad..trust me it is impossible to experience a negative feeling without first creating a corresponding negative thought.the actual source of our experience is always our thinking. So I would like you to try something that has worked for me, when you find yourself dwelling on something negative, anything that happened to you during the day, something that upset you and you want to churn it over and over, Stop, give it a few mins say 3 mins , time it, then say to your self "No more, I am fine, I feel alright,I am not thinking any more tonight," then go do something ,use control do not to let your thoughts wander , focus on something, ground yourself, distraction, anything  chat to your Family , read a book it can be anything. If you get into the habit of doing this you will be able to do it easily,I conquered Panic attacks this way.If you fcus on the good things you have in your life you will always feeel better, write them down then see if you write down more good things than bad things. Feel better soon ,let us know ,we care..