How to handle my teenage son?

[Catherine_momof3]

Four weeks ago, my 16-year-old son, Will, lost his best friend in a very, very unexpected suicide. They grew up together, and were extremely close.

It hit him extremely hard. And ever since then, it seems to me like he's been in a deep depression. This past week, though, it's gotten much, much worse.

Will's regressed further and further and he's like a robot now. His eyes have no light in them, and he's eaten so little that he's lost a frightening amount of weight. His sleeping, too, has been affected, and it's like he's going to collapse from sheer exhaustion. And when I try to even talk to him, he just ignores me all together and acts like he didn't hear me.

He's been going to school, but he hasn't done any homework at all, as far as I can tell, and according to the online gradebook our school has he's pretty much failed every single quiz and test he's taken since his friend's suicide. Will's very intelligent and his studies are important to him; he wants to go to Yale, and he knows he has to get good grades. And he quit the varsity soccer team as well--soccer was his life. More indicators of just how bad this situation is.

And this morning, my 10-year-old daughter accidently bumped into him and he completely flipped out. Like, he screamed at her for a full minute and threw the box of cereal he was holding at her face before stomping up to his room (I'm just glad it wasn't something more dangerous). It was scary, because he's never done that before. Ever. And that's the most emotion he's showed in the last three weeks.

I think that the grief and guilt and stress he's carrying around have completely buried him and I'm worried for both his safety and ours.

I know he needs help. I've never seen him like this before, and every day it gets worse. And my gut is telling me that something is seriously, seriously wrong. I'm terrified.

So I scheduled an appointment with an adolescent psychologist for yesterday.

The thing is, though, that he refused to go. Point blank.

Should I force him to attend a session? How would I even go about doing that? I'm a single mom, and he's much taller than me.

But would that make things even worse? Would it completely destroy our relationship?

Please help me. I'm so worried for my son.

[j17c27]

My boyfriend lost his best friend last year when he was 16.  He too was like a walking robot.  He told me he felt no emotions and it scared him.  He was barely sleeping too.  Your son needs to see a phycologist.  He may refuse but in the end he will thank you because the life he is leading right now is no way to live. He needs to gain a healthy head about what has happened.  Once he learns to accept the fact his friend is dead, it will be easier to move on.  I wouldnt bring up his friend in conversation just yet. But make sure he knows you care.  He needs to start getting into the everyday rutiene of life.  Force him to do his homework...force him to go out and see other friends.  If he loses the routine of life, he will lose himself.  I had no idea what to do when my boyfriend lost his best friend.  I just hugged him when he was upset, held his hand when he felt weak (im sure you wouldnt do that with your son) but just letting him know you are there for him. Definitly make him talk to a therapist though.  It doesnt seem like he has a healthy view on everything that has happened.

[mmathews25]

I'm sorry to hear about the cause of your son's depression. Some really take it seriously into their lives the death of someone special. My nephew is experiencing the same way your son is into right now. We are advised by a friend to seek teenage help by letting him visit a counselor. But if it doesn't works, there are other means. Sending him off to a therapeutic boarding schools or joining a wilderness camp helps to alleviate teen depression.  Any will do as long as the teen wants to help himself realize his potential and to bring back the normal life. I suggest you try that kind of method and see for yourself how it works for your son.