showing off, attention-seeker, or depression???

[mishymoshymarcy]

Im not sure if this has anything to do with depression ( which i most likely have), but i feel like an attention seeker. Its mostly from adults such as teachers or sometimes even strangers around me. Well i consider it as trying to be noticed, but what if i am an attention seeker. I dont mean to, but i constantly find myself crawling up to my teachers, trying to prove that i am a responsible girl who works hard. And sometimes i find myself constantly talking to most of them, just so they are able to help me with some of my problems and talk to me. They are all very kind, but i want to stand out in the teachers eyes. I also find myslef sometimes wanting hugs from them. Well the hugs are a way of saying thank you for teaching me and for helping, but i want them to think of me as a friend not just a student. I always want to be around them which makes me feel grown up and trustworthy. Is this normal?? I am 13 years old by the way, and it has been going on for at least 2 years. I am also a girl, who goes to a girl school. Am i an attention seeker?? Or is there something wrong with me?? I just want to be beautiful too...

[Chibberd]

You're welcome :) Yeah, it makes sense! I hope you're feeling better soon as well :)

[mishymoshymarcy]

Thanks you very much. I will go up and talk to them, to tell them about why i am talking to them. Just once a talk to my counsellor about it. If that makes sense. hahaha . well my mum shielded me from those things by splitting up with my dad early. Or else i would be going through so much more. But either way the absense of a father hurts alot. And i am sorry you have felt this wa tooy. Its obviously not a pleasant feeling. Hope you feel better soon.  

[Chibberd]

I know how you feel, I've self harmed, and I'm struggling loads at school with homework and stuff, and I'm doing GCSE now, but my parents had a messy split up for the last two years, and I was bullied all the way through primary school... But I'm coming out of depression now, and I just wanna help people, but I know how you feel, and I know how it feels to think your problems are small compared to others, but you shouldn't compare your feelings to others because that lowers your self esteem and makes you feel smaller, you know you have thing going on, and if it's overwhelming and big for you, then that's all that matters. So long as your feelings don't harm anyone else's, it's okay to be self centred.
I also think you should tell some teachers you can trust? It might help them understand why you want to talk to them? Just a thought, it could help :)

[Ashmitash27]

I think you need to go into group therapy for teen depression. That way you will get the attention you need to function and you will find people that understand and will listen to you.

[mishymoshymarcy]

Also no i have not told my teachers anything. They may think i am some kind of freak or something. I mean it is unusual and it may creep them out. That is what i am afraid of....

[mishymoshymarcy]

No thats alright. I am trying to piece everything together too, i dont quite know who i am at the moment. Well the thing is, i know there are sooo many teens my age going through things that may be 10times worse than my life, but i definately have anxiety, and its most likely i have depression. I took a test with my counsellor for both, and well i got around 80 out of 100 for both. And i was not lying or anything, i mean this is exactly how i feel. It may seem like nothings to others.
For starters, last year school was driving me nuts! I went through alot of stress, started losing my hair which shouldn't be happening to me this early. I am only in year 8 and i was staying up till 12 midnight every day until i finished my homework. This caused fatigue and headaches, etc.... Well anyway, since then, my self-esteem has gone down as well as my confidence. They are both probably at 0. It feels like no matter how hard i try, i only seem to be getting worse. Seeing how long it takes me to do homework, i keep thinking there may be something wrong with me. So i believe thats where this all started. I have built up strong emotions inside me since then. Also as i think i have previously mentioned, i have had a few people ripped away from me, didn't have the best past with my friends, but i havent been bullied, which is good.
There is probably alot more behind this which i have not discovered yet, because i can not have these feelings for no reason. Although my problems may seem like nothing, they are big to me, not huge, but if i have self-harmed once, and had suicidal thoughts, there may be something else in there somewhere. School means everything to me. I think without the good marks, i wont get anywhere, and thats probably where most of my emotions are coming from. All about my future... and being successful.

[Chibberd]

have you told your teachers this? How you feel? It could help. There's nothing wrong with talking them, but don't become too attached because they are only your teachers, they have work, they can't always be friends and up for a chat, so don't feel down if they're not always interested or they're busy.
Also, do not try to commit suicide, are you that depressed? Why are you that depressed? I'm finding it hard to piece things properly together at the moment, I'm sorry...

[mishymoshymarcy]

For some reason i feel like i want to be special or different than most of the other girls in my school. I work hard, and am a lovely and kind girl. In a way it makes me feel like i like the teachers better than my own family. I mean i have my auntie who i try to do the same thing with, and i am not saying i donot love my family because i do, but it just feels like the time that i have i8 want to be with my teachers and no one else.

[mishymoshymarcy]

Well in a certain way i do not have many friends.....i have a few main friends (4-6), but they dont understand the different problems i have. Problems like school with homework (i am a perfectionist and school means everything to me), then you have got a few people i have lost such as my grandad with dementia (well he isn't dead but he is in a nursing home and he was the father figure in my life). There is no one i have lost as in someone who has died, but i have people that have been ripped away from me. My grandma has just been diagnosed with Parkinsons disease. Mum is running around everywhere without spending much time with me at all. Then we have my self-esteem, terrible thoughts, and fear of my future.  Also i do have depression and Anxiety.
Every since the end of primary school i have had this with my teachers. Its as if i want to spend time with them, friend-wise.  This is only with my female teachers, seeing they are more understanding and i feel more comfortable talking to them. I explained this to my counsellor and she said it was unusual. Because not many people want that kind of bonding time with their teachers. But it makes me feel good, to see the things they do and the type of people they are. They are an inspiration. I sometimes even think what it would be like to go over to one of their houses and hang out. Although that will always remain a thought because of the boundries of course...It may seem weird though.....
Also with all thats going on, such as my suicidal thoughts and the action of looping a ribbbon around my neck and pulling (was not aiming to kill myself, but i was curious to see close to what it was like to be strangled), i feel like i need all the help i can get at the moment. And if that means a hug from my teachers, or a chat most days, then i need it.

[Chibberd]

Okay... The fact you want teachers as friends leads me to think you don't have many friends of your own your age? Am I right? Also, you mentioned you want them to help with your problems; what kind of problems?
Attention seeking is pretty self explanatory, but when people attention seek it's because they generally need attention to be happy, so it's perfectly okay. It probably does mean you're slightly down though. Hope I can possibly help?

[mishymoshymarcy]

I have already posted 2 questions already, so you dont have to answer this one, but it still would be great....