I have already posted 2 questions already, so you dont have to answer this one, but it still would be great....
Okay... The fact you want teachers as friends leads me to think you don't have many friends of your own your age? Am I right? Also, you mentioned you want them to help with your problems; what kind of problems?
Attention seeking is pretty self explanatory, but when people attention seek it's because they generally need attention to be happy, so it's perfectly okay. It probably does mean you're slightly down though. Hope I can possibly help?
Well in a certain way i do not have many friends.....i have a few main friends (4-6), but they dont understand the different problems i have. Problems like school with homework (i am a perfectionist and school means everything to me), then you have got a few people i have lost such as my grandad with dementia (well he isn't dead but he is in a nursing home and he was the father figure in my life). There is no one i have lost as in someone who has died, but i have people that have been ripped away from me. My grandma has just been diagnosed with Parkinsons disease. Mum is running around everywhere without spending much time with me at all. Then we have my self-esteem, terrible thoughts, and fear of my future. Also i do have depression and Anxiety.
Every since the end of primary school i have had this with my teachers. Its as if i want to spend time with them, friend-wise. This is only with my female teachers, seeing they are more understanding and i feel more comfortable talking to them. I explained this to my counsellor and she said it was unusual. Because not many people want that kind of bonding time with their teachers. But it makes me feel good, to see the things they do and the type of people they are. They are an inspiration. I sometimes even think what it would be like to go over to one of their houses and hang out. Although that will always remain a thought because of the boundries of course...It may seem weird though.....
Also with all thats going on, such as my suicidal thoughts and the action of looping a ribbbon around my neck and pulling (was not aiming to kill myself, but i was curious to see close to what it was like to be strangled), i feel like i need all the help i can get at the moment. And if that means a hug from my teachers, or a chat most days, then i need it.
For some reason i feel like i want to be special or different than most of the other girls in my school. I work hard, and am a lovely and kind girl. In a way it makes me feel like i like the teachers better than my own family. I mean i have my auntie who i try to do the same thing with, and i am not saying i donot love my family because i do, but it just feels like the time that i have i8 want to be with my teachers and no one else.
have you told your teachers this? How you feel? It could help. There's nothing wrong with talking them, but don't become too attached because they are only your teachers, they have work, they can't always be friends and up for a chat, so don't feel down if they're not always interested or they're busy.
Also, do not try to commit suicide, are you that depressed? Why are you that depressed? I'm finding it hard to piece things properly together at the moment, I'm sorry...
No thats alright. I am trying to piece everything together too, i dont quite know who i am at the moment. Well the thing is, i know there are sooo many teens my age going through things that may be 10times worse than my life, but i definately have anxiety, and its most likely i have depression. I took a test with my counsellor for both, and well i got around 80 out of 100 for both. And i was not lying or anything, i mean this is exactly how i feel. It may seem like nothings to others.
For starters, last year school was driving me nuts! I went through alot of stress, started losing my hair which shouldn't be happening to me this early. I am only in year 8 and i was staying up till 12 midnight every day until i finished my homework. This caused fatigue and headaches, etc.... Well anyway, since then, my self-esteem has gone down as well as my confidence. They are both probably at 0. It feels like no matter how hard i try, i only seem to be getting worse. Seeing how long it takes me to do homework, i keep thinking there may be something wrong with me. So i believe thats where this all started. I have built up strong emotions inside me since then. Also as i think i have previously mentioned, i have had a few people ripped away from me, didn't have the best past with my friends, but i havent been bullied, which is good.
There is probably alot more behind this which i have not discovered yet, because i can not have these feelings for no reason. Although my problems may seem like nothing, they are big to me, not huge, but if i have self-harmed once, and had suicidal thoughts, there may be something else in there somewhere. School means everything to me. I think without the good marks, i wont get anywhere, and thats probably where most of my emotions are coming from. All about my future... and being successful.