Help with understanding or coping with spouse

[8illsmith]

Hello,

I believe this is my second go around with Graves Disease. The first instance my wife (after childbirth) pretty much turned on me. There was absolutely nothing that I could do right or satisfy her expectations of me. I tried to do every humanly thing possible to help her around the house to include all the household chores you can think of and getting up with the baby. Regardless we argued about insignificant things constantly. Somewhere along the line she saw a Dr. sho tested her for GD. They found that she was but she refused the iodine therapy as she didn't want to be seperated form our daughter while she was "hot". She elected to try and treat it with medication, which I supported as I believed that she had the right to make that decision. Not too long after that (a few months maybe) I cam home from work and the house was empty...her and her parents had loading up a moving truck while I was at work. She insisted that it was temporary and just needed to seperate for a while. I was devistated, but went along with it as best I could. Not too long after that I was served by the sheriff with divorce papers. I didn't want a divorce, I had signed up for good times and bad, sickness and health and I believed that we could get through the bad times. Apparently I was mistaken. There was absolutely nothing I could say or do to change her mind. I eventually gave in and signed the divorce papers. There is an old saying that goes something like this...If you love someone set them free, and they will come back to you....I know I probably butchered the actuall saying but you get the idea. I cared for her so much and loved her so much that even if leaving me was what was going to make her happy, I would grant her that wish.

Fast forward a year and a half. She has had other relationships as have I. I was involved very seriously with a teriffic woman whom I couldn't have asked more from. This other person was the equilivent of my night in shining armor. My wife decided that she wanted to try to make things work again. I made the extremely difficult decision of letting the other person go and returning to my wife....after all I never did want the divorce and I still did love her. Things went along great, we got remarried and continued on with our lives. Everything seemed great. We started discussing having another child at which time I discussed my great fear that I would loose her all over again. she assured me that it wouldn't happen to which I believed her. Guess what? Our son is now 18 months old and we are in the same spot again. Nothin I do is right, ever....period. I see the same exact traits that I did in her before and I have tried to gently suggest that her thyroid is off. Bad move apparently as I get my head bit off every time I suggest such. She has been insisting that everything is normal and that I am trying to make our relationship problems her fault because of her thyroid. I found out by accident that she had and endo appointment and asked if I could go. She reluctently agreed. I do not remember the exact results but something that was supposed to be at a 1 was at 3.5 and had been steadily increasing for her last three visits. The Dr. asked a handful of questions to which she answered ( not truthfully in my opinion). The Dr. upped her snythroid from .75 to .88 (I think) I would give more accurate details of the results but my wife has hidden them from me. Regardless, things are going downhill in our marriage very quickly. She has suggested selling the house and seperating, etc.....I again want to work things out (sickness and health, good times and bad). I love her more than anything in the world and it pains me to see her yelling at the kids or myself for no apparent reason. Other people have mentioned to me that they have noticed a difference in her, yet they don't want to say anything to her (probably out of fear of getting their head bit off).

So at this point I am turning to you. The greater outside world that also deals with these situations every day.

How do I somehow get her help. How do I convince her without being a jerk that she needs more help. I don't think the current endo is doing much due to the way in which my wife answered their questions. She answered them all as if to indicate that nothing was wrong (other than that the test results came back abnormal).

Can I please get some advise!!!??? I do not want to loose her again, nor do I want to see our home and family broken up again. It was so intensly painful the first time and I don't want our kids to grow up without their mother or father. I am desperate to the point that I don't think there is anything that I wouldn't do to make things better. I was thinking that if there are others of you that have similiar experiences that you could share them with me and that I could in turn share them with her. I'm hoping that if she sees enough similiar situations to ours that she may realize that she is off and solicit help from the Dr. instead of trying to pass off as normal.

[ChitChatNine]

You seem like a very devoted husband and father.  After being on this community for many years, I commend you for your honesty with yourself, your relationship and wanting only the very best for your wife and family.  THis is something every relationship/family deserves.

Is it possible to go for some counseling outside of the thyroid issues along with asking if she'd be willing to go for a 2nd opinion?

I have had more than one opinion throughout my entire thyroid issues and when my TSH is not the right # for me I snap and get short with those I love the most, so it is possible it is affecting her and your lives.

I am sorry you are going through this .. maybe others who have been there can also post some support for you.

Cheryl (parital thyroidectomy 1/07)

[Cindy40]

Even though you love her and want to help, it is ultimately your wife's responsibility to help herself.  If her illness is effecting your relationship, she should do what she can to get help, if she wants to stay in the relationship.

I am unsure if the disease is causing her emotionally problems with you, or if it is post-partum depression, or if this is just a pattern for her, either way she needs to help herself.  You seem to be doing your part by suporting her.

[AR-10]

She needs to realize that ignoring this particular health issue has the potential to ruin her health for the rest of her life.

Changes will occur in her body that will not go away, and she may find herself dibilitated and unable to participate in her children's lives, not to mention chronic pain for the rest of her life.

Carpal Tunnel, arthritis, ligament damage, heart damage, digestive problems, emotional problems, high cholesterol, loss of bone density. That's just part of the list.