I want to live!

[Jennifer1987]

Oh God! I have never posted here so much in my life... I am just at my wits end.... I cant take this c.r.a.p anymore. I am so depressed today! Crying a lot, taking my moods out on my boyfriend and just over all wish I was dead at times (dont worry not sucidial) Just keep saying to God to put me out of my misery...

I took my bad ood out on my b/f today and he totally did not deserve it! I feel so bad about that now aswel! I am so frecking annoyed that Im going through and that its so unfair. Jez like theres murderers and abusers out there living the life of luxary and then theres people who try to lead good law abiding lives like us and WE suffer...... Im sick of it! I feel like screaming!
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jennifer1987]

Im thinkin that if this doesn't inprove that I want to get my thyroid out. I think it would be a decision Id have to think about but if it stoped the levels from going up and down and the anxiety to go then I might consider it.

It seriously has been hell... Im just so fed up. want to be happy....

Thanks to you all, I needed that pick me up.
I just feel so alone with all this. Cried so much yesterday, my eyes were killing me last night!

[Smilerdeb]

Hugs Jennifer xxx

Been where you are so many times before RAI and felt like he\\.
I too .....felt like you. I even told my Doc that if this was life I didnt want it......told him I was going to get the butcher to cut my thyroid out too!
Seriously though...there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I cant give you advise about Hypo as I was hyper before RAI and even though I am doing great a year later, there has still been 'hiccups' along the way.
Be kind to yourself....learn all you can about yr condition and if all else fails, then research all treatments available.
Take yr time to research as there is NO going back once its done.
Sometimes I would think like you and then a few days later, I'd be fine.
Dont rush into anything permanant unless yr levels are so unstable and they cant regulate them.
THEN look at other options.
The thyroid regulates so many things in yr body and once its gone, you have to get yr meds right, your levels right and THEN 'Tweak" your meds.
Please dont think that if you have yr thyroid removed that it will all 'go away'...as it doesnt straight away.
You still have to work hard at yr levels, you still go hypo, you still go hyper.
I am one of the lucky ones so far and feel great a year after RAI and TT BUT.....
I will never have the old me back, I will never be 100% and this is something you too would have to deal with.
Just because I'm ok without a thyroid, doesnt mean you will be.
Think about that carefully.
Hugs My Friend xxxxx

[Jennifer1987]

I will have a good long think about it, I promise. I just think that casue I was kinda diagnosed with hashimoto's (will know next testing) that it will eventually be gone and I will have no thyroid anyway! So why put myself through all this, why let my levels go up and down the way they are. I know having no thyroid is no walk in the park, but I think its better than the life I have now. Anything is better than this he// hole! I need to see a lil bit of the onld me...

I want to be able to wake in the morning with out worries, anxiety, strangh thoughts and depression. I can take the tiredness adn pains and that but the mental side is killing me slowly!

I actually have myself convinced I have ocd or somethink, even though all Im having is weird thoughts, but thats the way my brain is working. My therapist said I dont have OCD that Im under so much stress and depression is causing thoughts and anxiety.

And I know Im rambling now so Im going to put a full stop here.

[Smilerdeb]

Your not rambling...you are just giving a better picture of what you are going through.
I hate to advise people to have permanant treatment unless they really are going through He\\ as it takes a lot of hard work afterwards to achieve wellness.
I wont lie to you...yes the journey has been tough after RAI but nowhere near as tough as it was prior to RAI.

I just feel that in order for you to get those levels right afterwards, dont expect miracles, be prepared for a lot of hard work and only have permanant treatment IF the going is tough and not getting any better.
I dont advise anyone to have permanant treatment until they are 100% sure and then if they decide to do it, make sure you know everything there is to know about the 'afterwards'.
It IS hard but I found (as I said ) nowhere near as hard as it was prior to RAI.
Talk to others who have had permanant treatment with Hashi's.
As I said ...I have Graves and that may be easier to control after RAI.....I really cant comment on that one but there are others here who can.
Be kind to yourself :)

[dani2776]

All I can say is I am glad I found you!  I have exactly the same thought process as you.  I too have Hashi's and am batteling to the extreme!  I have asked for my thyroid to be removed as well to stop the maddness but they keep preaching the same story about the surgery leaving this scar.  I DON'T CARE ABOUT A SCAR, I want my life back.  I have 4 children who I am not doing a very good job at raising because of all this.   Like you I don't understnad why they won't take it out if it is just going to die anyway!  All the doc's want to do is keep giving me anti-depressants and believe me if I could handle those drugs I would gladly take them but I can't.  Hang in there and know you are not alone as there are many days I just wish I would die too (but not suicidal).  This is no way to live!

[Jennifer1987]

Im just getting so freaked out cause I dont see the old fun me any more. When all this started I din't realise that 9 months down the road Id be as bad as ever! My troath is sore today, and I feel like sleeping for Ireland! Im going to see my doc. on firday and see what he says. I dont care about the scar either a bit of Bio-oil and that will be gone in no time, well barely visable anyway!

I can see where smilerdeb is coming from, once its out, its out, no going back.. BUT that brings me back to the, its going to die anyway bit.... Thats what makes me think what the he//, Il get over the scare if my quality of life improves!

I got offered xanax or something and refused,I want to bet this myself. If I can get through this I can get through anything! And I can relate to the, I want to die but aint suicidal bit too!!! This is no way to be spending out days on this planet..

If the anxiety would just float off into outher space and be gone..Id be happy!


I don't e=ven know if therapy will help cause my thyroid wont level out!