Please help me-at the end of my rope!!!!!

[dakarah]

My son has many problems. He is content to be alone all of the time. He can't make friends and sustain relationships with them. He has anger issues, is impatient, has sleeping issues, and only eats a few different foods. He causes a "scene" everywhere we go. He is diagnosed with depression and adhd, but these only skim the surface of his problems. He tries to break his neck when he gets angry. Even though I don't think he can actually break his own neck, this is crazy behavior. When he is forced to stop what he is working on he has a fit and stomps his feet and gets so angry. He gets so focused on an item he is "into" at the moment (like mortal kombat for the time being) that he only talks about that if you converse with him. He seems to have no empathy for anyone, and I would describe him as lacking emotion a good part of the time. He cannot get along with his siblings. He annoys others when he has to be around them. Some loud noises cause him to go into a rage, and when we go places with large groups of people (even if it is a place where we have never been before, and there is potential to lose him forever) he just walks off, and we freak out and have to spend long periods of time searching for him usually just to find him sitting somewhere calmly. He is terribly afraid of the dark, yet seems to have no fear of situations that could present real danger. He can't remember to turn off a light, flush the toliet, put on a seatbelt, etc..., and he can't find something if you are pointing directly at it. His teachers describe his as being in his own little world and have trouble getting him to do his work. His older brother says he can't even relate to him and calls him things like, "that evil devil child" and "that strange alien child".  I have to watch him closely around younger children because he will unintenionally hurt them. He almost pushed his 3-year old sister down the stairs the other day because she wouldn't get out of his room when he wanted her out. He seems to want to make friends and interact with other people, but he doesn't seem to know how. When he was a baby, he wouldn't make eye contact with me for more than a second or two, and I have had him tested to see if he was deaf because he didn't respond to loud noises when he was little. He still doesn't respond well to his own name unless you say it several times and get louder each time. When he was little I couldn't take him places much because he would scream and cry in the car and in the store. Now he doesn't scream or cry when we go somewhere, he just embarasses all of us.  Even though he is 11 years old and the other kids at school make fun of him consistantly, he picks his nose constantly. We try and try to make him stop, but it only works for a few minutes, and he is doing it again. We often get out of the car to find blood on his hands and clothes from the nose picking, and he often has nose bleeds that don't want to stop. I don't think he can stop the nose picking by himself because I think it is more than a habit.  But then he will get so embarassed and upset because I am wearing lipstick or something stupid like that when it doesn't embarass him to have blood all over him from picking his nose.  I just don't understand what is wrong with this child. I could go on for hours with all of his strange behavior, but hopefully I have said enough that someone might be able to tell me what might be wrong with him. If anyone can help, please, please, please help me. The only thing I can see in his future right now is him never being a productive member of society and quite possibly ending up dead or in jail. Please help me!!!!              Thanks

[dakarah]

Thanks so much for replying.  KatEyes-thanks so much for your suggestions. I will definately find out about the training because he has great obstacles to overcome. I will try the pediatric sleep specialist as well, and I am already limiting his exposure to the violence, but in general he doesn't really watch much tv and he is mostly involved in games like scooby doo, spyro, crock-not really violent games. What he really fixates on is action figures especially mortal kombat figures. He loves to draw the figures and take them apart. He also loves to submerge them in water or tie string around them. I try to keep him from playing competitive games also because he can't deal with losing. So we play games that use cooperative team play when we play with him.  Thanks again for all of the good advice. It is really nice to know that there are still people in the world who want to try to help others. Dakarah

[KatEyes]

There is so much out there now on how to help children with the same issues as your son. My friend's child was diagnosed with AS but they did not avail themselves to all the wonderful help out there and their son is now 18 without being given the tools to get along in society to the best of his ability. Had they gone to training they would have known that even how they handled his outbursts made situations worse. They thought they should just treat him like they do the other children, and now they are seeing mom & dad did not know best. Your son is young enough for your family to greatly benefit from those with specialized training in parenting an AS child.

One other thing... you mentioned him also having sleep problems. He may benefit from being evaluated by a pediatric sleep specialist. Children with sleep disorders sometimes exhibit symptoms of ADHD and behavioral and social problems as their brain and body struggle to keep going without restorative sleep. If this could be a contributing factor, resolving it could possibly make his AS symptoms not as severe. Everything you can do to lessen his struggles matters. It may need to be a multifacted treatment approach.

For a child with issues of self harm and aggression with others, as well as fear issues, exposure to violence on TV and in games cannot be helpful. At age 11, you still have control over what he is exposed to.  I have a 10 year old grandson whose parents have to limit what he is exposed to as they see his personality does not need any encouragement in everything being an arguement, competition or battle. While his brother was not so affected, this child is, so they've had to try to help him in that matter. I am not a psychiatrist, but it just seems to make sense.

Hopefully good things are in the future for your family.

[PlateletGal]

Hi Dakarah,

I'm happy to hear that you at least have a diagnosis.

Best,

PlateletGal

[dakarah]

Just wanted to thank everyone who posted. I got my son's report from the doctor yesterday, and he has aspergers. Maybe now I can help him learn how to function better. Thanks again for all the advice! Dakarah

[HarryK8]

I am not a Doctor.  I was however, a youthworker of many years experience.  Some of the kids I have worked with have been described by police as "The most Dangerous Criminals on the East Coast of Australia, Not Locked Up."

Having said that, your son does not seem to fit into the category of a bad kid.  I believe he is a seriously ill child.

Pound on your Doctor's door untill your boy sees the right people.
I have seen many, many kids like this slip through the cracks when the Mental Health System could have helped them, but in my country, the Mental Health System is overloaded.  The sqeakiest wheel gets the oil.

Do not give up hope.  Do not let the Community Services people take your child under the missguided notion that he is bad!  There is good help available for kids like yours, but sadly you may have to scream for it.

[dakarah]

Thanks for replying. My son has a complete physical each year with his pediatrician. I have often talked with his doctors about some of his strange behaviors, but they have just always brused it off as he will grow out of them. The idea to take him to a special center seems like a good one, though, so I will give that a try. Thanks again for your help!

[PlateletGal]

I think it is wise to get your son evaluated for autism, but I would also get him a complete medical physical to make sure that his behavior isn't caused by a physical condition. You may want to e-mail the Dr. Phil show and ask them about centers around the country that know how to do this.

Good luck.... all the best to you & your family,

PlateletGal

[dakarah]

Hey, thanks for replying. I have an appointment to have him evaluated for autism on May 1, but I have been worried that I am just wasting the doctor's time. My best friend's son- the only friend my son has too-has aspergers and in some ways they are so similar that is amazing- what foods they will eat-ability to communicate with each other-unability to play together for more than a short while before one or both of them are too angry to even speak-social interactions with others etc..., but her son has some things different than mine too. However, she believes that my son is on the spectrum too. My son doesn't take any medicine anymore for the adhd because my doctor would only prescribe strattera for children and it made him deathly sick and it caused him to sleep about 20 hours a day, so I took him off of it. My older son truely has adhd and although the strattera doesn't help him anymore, he has come a long way in the two years we have made interventions for him. As for the name calling- he doesn't call him those names to his face, he just uses those names when he is talking to me about the latest things that his brother has done.  When I try to talk to my son about what he has done or why he has behaved a certain way his usual answer is, "I don't know".  He truely doesn't seem to know why he does the things he does.  I do assure him I love him constanty and even with his strange behaviors, I love him equally to his siblings. I just worry about how he will ever succeed in life since he is so far behind his peers in everything.  My oldest son has been working for his grandfather since he was 10 but my younger one is no where near ready to be responsible for even the job my dad tried to give him which was picking up the trash outside the building. He will pick up a few big pieces and then he thinks he is finished. Then I show him smaller pieces and he picks them up and says, "oh, I didn't see that".  It isn't that he won't pick them up, he just isn't with it enough to even "see" everything.  I know my son is frustrated with himself, and I try to be extra patient with him, but I admit that I am not always as patient as I need to be, and my husband isn't helpful either and neither are my parents, so I feel like I am on the boat alone most of the time.  I just want to help him be all that he can be and be successful in life. I am afraid with the depression he has that he will end up committing suicide because he talks about it and he even usually has plans for how he will do it.  Thanks again for helping confirm that maybe the diagnosis is autism, if not, I am at a complete loss for what it might be, though.  Please re-post if you have any more thoughts.  Thanks!

[Texmissy]

Below is a link to signs and symptoms of autism. It sounds exactly like what you are describing. http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/autism/detail_autism.htm

[Texmissy]

The nose picking to the point that it is bleeding, may be a nervous twitch...Maybe he does it when he is nervous..kinda lkike nail biting.Also I would take him to a different doctor for a second opinion. If he is taking ridlin for the adhd...you want to know that adhd really is the problem..If he's not ADHD and is taking ridlin, it can alter his behavior drastically.Ridlin is actually pretty potant stuff. Also with him not solcializing well, and not making eye contact and loud noises bothering him...Has he ever been tested or evaluated for autism?? There are differnt degrees of autism, not everyone that's autistic has the full blown range of symptoms. I would google autism in children, and see if the symptoms sound like your son. But by far the most important thing is to be supportive of him.Talk to him about how he is feeling and about why he does what he does...but make sure it is in  a supportive non-negative way..even if he doesn't want to talk about it. You may not be able to control the name calling at school, but you can definately control it at home. If his older brother is calling him negative names and is allowed to do so, then your 11 yr. old boy may start to believe that everyone feels this way about him..at school, at home etc... Which is never helpfull, and can be very damaging to his already fragile self esteem. It sounds like more than a behavior problem to me. I would take him to a Dr and a therapist if I were you, just to make sure he is diagnosed correctly. Because My sissy WAS/IS ADHD and her behavior was not similar to this. Just remember he is probabily confused and frustrated too. If your at the end of your rope, just imagine how he must be feeling.Good Luck and please re-post if possible if anything changes. Google signs of autism.