Aa
Is 18 too young?
so I'm 18 and about to leave for college in a month. Honestly, I wasn't trying to get pregnant. But my boyfriend got me pregnant and my family is pressuring me into an abortion. If I don't do it, I'm kicked out and no car and no college. I'd appreciate any advice anyone will give me. I'm terrified and personally fully against abortion. Thank you so much
If you don't want your parents to think you are too young, here is the speech you have to prepare and have ready for them. It is what will convince them you are ready to take this on.
"I've worked out a budget. Shared housing at school will cost $__ and health insurance will cost $___, meals will cost $___, books and incidentals will cost $___, maternity clothing -- I've looked on eBay and made a budget based on mostly used items -- will be $___, baby's furnishings will be $____ and baby clothing $___, diapers and supplies will be $___. When the baby comes, his/her health insurance will cost $___. I'll be out of school for 4 weeks and then will be back again so my student loans will not come due, and the baby will go into nursery care when I am not in class, and that will cost $___. (Aternately, "My boyfriend's mother is going to take care of the baby when I am not in class," or whatever the plan is.) I've budgeted $__ a month for other costs. My job I'll have during school pays $___, and child support from the baby's father will be $___. This leaves $___. I intend to study ____ with the end goal of ____ (job), which pays roughly $_____ a year, and jobs are (easy) (hard) to come by right out of school and so here is the plan about that: _____. When I graduate, I will get an apartment at roughly $___ a month, and child care and preschool at that time will cost roughly $___ a month, with food and health insurance and personal items and clothes $____ a month. I do__ do not__ intend to marry the dad, and here is our plan for joint custody: _______."
If you have a realistic plan for all of this, it is possible you will find that what you think is your parents pressuring you because of 'their image' will in fact melt away. They are much more likely wondering how you will do all of this. It's a lot. But if you have a lucrative job with good benefits, you should be able to carry it off, especially if the dad is in the picture financially and other ways as well.
"I've worked out a budget. Shared housing at school will cost $__ and health insurance will cost $___, meals will cost $___, books and incidentals will cost $___, maternity clothing -- I've looked on eBay and made a budget based on mostly used items -- will be $___, baby's furnishings will be $____ and baby clothing $___, diapers and supplies will be $___. When the baby comes, his/her health insurance will cost $___. I'll be out of school for 4 weeks and then will be back again so my student loans will not come due, and the baby will go into nursery care when I am not in class, and that will cost $___. (Aternately, "My boyfriend's mother is going to take care of the baby when I am not in class," or whatever the plan is.) I've budgeted $__ a month for other costs. My job I'll have during school pays $___, and child support from the baby's father will be $___. This leaves $___. I intend to study ____ with the end goal of ____ (job), which pays roughly $_____ a year, and jobs are (easy) (hard) to come by right out of school and so here is the plan about that: _____. When I graduate, I will get an apartment at roughly $___ a month, and child care and preschool at that time will cost roughly $___ a month, with food and health insurance and personal items and clothes $____ a month. I do__ do not__ intend to marry the dad, and here is our plan for joint custody: _______."
If you have a realistic plan for all of this, it is possible you will find that what you think is your parents pressuring you because of 'their image' will in fact melt away. They are much more likely wondering how you will do all of this. It's a lot. But if you have a lucrative job with good benefits, you should be able to carry it off, especially if the dad is in the picture financially and other ways as well.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, I'm sorry to hear about this stressful situation for you. That is too bad and hard to take at a time in which you sure could use some support.
I fully defend every woman's right to abortion if it is her desire. However, no woman should be forced into having one.
Understand that their reaction might not just be their image they are concerned with but could also be legitimate worry about your future. Nothing changes the trajectory more of a teen young woman than early motherhood. It makes life harder and many a young woman doesn't follow her goals and ends up having a challenging life for the rest of it. I would worry about my daughter as well if she had an unplanned pregnancy in her late teens. So, the idea of having an abortion for them might just represent allowing you to get on a good track in life BEFORE being a mother. I'm just writing this because I think if you understand where they are coming from and that this is deeper than just image, it will help you communicate with them.
So, taking abortion off the plate though, you need to discuss with them your options. Are you willing to consider adoption? That is something to think about. If not, then you need to begin planning how to handle it all. I'd make a plan not counting on help from them. Yes, it will be very hard. But women do it. So, present how you'll do it to them if you plan on keeping the child yourself and let them know you will make it work. Then work your plan--- and hopefully they'll come around and be more supportive when they see you are serious about this.
That's what I'd do anyway.
It will help if you don't sugar coat things when you talk to them - meaning you've fully taking into consideration the challenges you will face. then they will understand that you are AWARE and ready to do this. good luck hon
I fully defend every woman's right to abortion if it is her desire. However, no woman should be forced into having one.
Understand that their reaction might not just be their image they are concerned with but could also be legitimate worry about your future. Nothing changes the trajectory more of a teen young woman than early motherhood. It makes life harder and many a young woman doesn't follow her goals and ends up having a challenging life for the rest of it. I would worry about my daughter as well if she had an unplanned pregnancy in her late teens. So, the idea of having an abortion for them might just represent allowing you to get on a good track in life BEFORE being a mother. I'm just writing this because I think if you understand where they are coming from and that this is deeper than just image, it will help you communicate with them.
So, taking abortion off the plate though, you need to discuss with them your options. Are you willing to consider adoption? That is something to think about. If not, then you need to begin planning how to handle it all. I'd make a plan not counting on help from them. Yes, it will be very hard. But women do it. So, present how you'll do it to them if you plan on keeping the child yourself and let them know you will make it work. Then work your plan--- and hopefully they'll come around and be more supportive when they see you are serious about this.
That's what I'd do anyway.
It will help if you don't sugar coat things when you talk to them - meaning you've fully taking into consideration the challenges you will face. then they will understand that you are AWARE and ready to do this. good luck hon
Student loans are long-term and somewhat affordable because they are stretched out for a long time. Car loans, on the other hand, are pretty costly in terms of monthly payments because they do not stretch them out very far. Can you live near campus? You might not need a car.
Thank you. I am trying really hard to convince my family to think less of what their image will be and more of how my mental state will be. I am currently looking into student loans and other loans so I can purchase a car if necessary. I'm just scared of losing my family over this.
I too would second adoption if that's a venue YOU want to explore. Don't let them force you into an abortion. There are ways to pay for college without a parents' help even if you may need to go to community college first. Better to explore that than live with regret and/or disgust with yourself for doing something you do not believe in and are against.
As to your subject line? I don't put a "too young" label based on age. I put it based on maturity. Some people can be 25 and "too young" in my books.
Good luck!
As to your subject line? I don't put a "too young" label based on age. I put it based on maturity. Some people can be 25 and "too young" in my books.
Good luck!
Is adoption a possibility? Open adoptions are available in most states.
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