6 Weeks - Unsure on termination.

[AnnaReid]

Hi there,

I know this is such a trigger subject for people, but anyway.

I was being really really careful, used condoms, etc, checked for signs of ovulation.. and somehow, on my PCOS riddled 50 cycle, I'm suddenly 5 weeks pregnant after finishing my period on the 6th of oct. So, I guess I ovulated around a week and a bit after the bleeding stopped.

Partner and I are about to move to Swansea from Scotland! We don't have a place of our own yet, but we do work, albeit not a lot of money, probably about £30k total from the two of us.

It's a bit of a shock, to be honest. Whilst we'd love to have a child, we don't feel as though we could give it our very best at the moment, so I am considering a termination.

I don't know what do to! My feelings are all over the place. Help.

[KateyP]

You both still have a lot of time to get ready and prepare for the baby. I'm not in the best situation as my husband and i love with my parents and I'm not working at the moment bc I've been taken out but it will all feel into place.

[AnnaReid]

I'm considering abortion because whilst we could *manage*. I know women who have been RAPED and kept a baby. Who have NO income and no family who KEEP the baby. They're fine. But it's not what *I* or my partner want, nor do I now think it's what the baby deserves. I want everything to be settled, more stable than I am now, with a monetary buffer in place after thinking about it at length. I understand that with PCOS fertility can be an issue. However, I know plenty of women who have it who don't have trouble getting pregnant. I might be one of the lucky ones. I'll have to have another scan and check my progress.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. We'll see what happens.

[Nayfly25]

*what it may be

[Nayfly25]

It does sound like you have already made your decision....and like ktowne said, your parents don't have anything to do with how you will parent since you're aware of their shortcomings in that area. I don't understand though why you are considering abortion bc in your question you said it was about money and giving your child the best etc but then you said that you figured it up and you guys could make it. I believe in a women's right to have an abortion....but I know first hand that it isn't a decision that you should make lightly. It's the after effects that make it such a difficult process, waking up in the middle of the night, not being able to stand hearing the sound of a vacuum, and many many more not to mention what you go through if you decide to have another baby. It's a hard process, I just hope that if you are going to make that decision that you first make sure It is the right one for you ( money shouldn't play a part in, there is no income requirement for being a parent, and there are many programs that will help you out like wic etc) please don't think that abortion is just a decision you make and then it's all done, it's a decision that you make that has after effects and will effect you for the rest of your life, no matter how strong and prepared you think you may be. Good luck to you, I hope you make the right decision for yourself, no matter what I may be.

[KTowne]

It sounds like you've already made up your mind, and I don't think your parent has anything to do with how you'll parent. You choose a different path, you choose what you didn't like and what you feel needs to be done differently. If you can afford it, and you feel like you want your child, and can love him/her, I don't get what you think is NOT a good time for you and your significant other? I don't think everyone is saying anything about religion or karma, it's about physically, if you cannot get pregnant again, after a loss, then a termination, because terminations can cause infertility or issues carrying a pregnancy to term, so if you DID get pregnant again with pcos, which that in itself can be very very difficult, you'd regret not keeping the one you were given. Either way, everyone gave their opinion on the options you have, but no one can make that decision but you, if you feel like you're almost sure you won't go through with it, what did you want us to say? There are women that get pregnant (accidentally or on purpose) in a LOT worse circumstances than you, and turn out to be great parents. There are parents that make tons of money, live in mansion and are terrible parents, it's all about what you choose to do. Good luck either way in whatever you decide!!

[AnnaReid]

I know the ins and outs of it all. I don't believe in 'meant to be' or 'karma' or anything like that. I'm atheist and have no strong belief either way about abortion, only that we should have the option.

At the end of the day, we would manage fine with a baby. I've priced everything I'd need and we have a support network. We'd scrape by and that child wouldn't have *everything I think* it deserves as my child. I don't want to get by, I want to give it the BEST chance. I understand that moment may never become apparant, but it's not today and it won't be anytime soon.

It's a very difficult decision for me, because it's a beautiful process with an even better 'gift' at the end. However, I can't just have a baby because I *want* it. I have to assess what's best not only for myself, but my partner and the child.

Try not to think of me as heartless. My mother raised me poorly at a young age, whilst my partner is a twin from a single mother who had NO money growing up. We don't want to put that child anywhere near the possibility of that situation. I am sure that once we're settled, we'll try for one. This pregnancy is a shock and I'm almost sure I won't go through with it.

If I regret it, then I regret it. These decisions are not made lightly and should be considered at length, looking at all of your available options. However, lifes full of hard choices and this is one I have to make.