You should try a laxitive to soften the stools. Also, eat lots of fiber. My brother has IBS and it has also caused some tearing and the doctor is actually recommending surgery to repair it. The bacteria can cause infections which can be serious so you really need to see a doctor. I wouldn't worry about the virginity. More than likely your hymen is intact and even if it isn't, it isn't likely your future husband won't be able to tell.
I hope there is some way you can get insurance, or see a doctor. This is nothing to live with for so long.