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Boyfriend can't keep erection during intercourse. What do I do? How do I talk to him about it?
I'm having sex with a 23 year old guy.I really like him and we seem to have great chemistry.The only issue we have is that he has a major problem maintaining an erection during intercourse and/or oral sex and he has NEVER ejaculated in the very many times that we have been intimate.I am more successful at keeping it hard during oral sex but still no ejaculation.After the erection goes away, he still acts and seems very much aroused and wants me to continue stimulating him but there is no erection and it takes A LOT to get the erection to come back. Sometimes it just won't come back and then I give up.One other thing that I have noticed that is different in him than in other men I've slept with is that he has a somewhat painful look on his face during intercourse and arousal and I'm unsure if it is just a weird "O" face or what. Plus I have to be on top almost 90% of the time.I can tell he has somewhat low self confidence which make me think that I'm not the only one this has happened with and also I am slow to bring the subject up to talk to him about because he avoids my question. I've tried asking him what he likes me to do and he either doesn't respond or his response is simply "whatever you do is great". During the moment of "failure" when he looses his erection I try my best to act like its no big deal and help boost his confidence but I can't help thinking that I could possibly be the problem and it hurts my confidence as well.
sounds like you are taking the correct approuch by trying to talk to him. How long have you been together, if not very long maybe it is a confidence thing. My exboyfriend had a similar problem but after about 6 months he pulled right out of it. I know it would be difficult but did you ever thing of a male enhancing product?
I am Married, and my husband and I have experienced this from time to time..In general we have no problems..Here are a few instances where he has been affected: After we have a baby, I was breastfeeding and could not be on the pill, so we had to use condoms...my husband had a very hard time with this...it seems the condom had an effect on his feeling down there, and he could get an erection no problem, but than lose it during sex...I would often be irritated and upset thinking I had something to do with it (btw, my husband was 23 at the time as well)...So eventually I went back on the pill, and we no longer needed condoms.that problem was solved...Until we started to try to concieve our second child ..I was pressuring him so to do "it" all the time and when I ovulated, that we started to have erection issues again...He couldn't deal with the pressure and stress, he felt like it was all on his shoulders to get me pregnant..I was so upset, because after this would happen, I felt like my chance had passed and I wasn't going to get preg this month, But I would try to act like I wasn't upset in bed and would try everything to make it happen for him, even all those uncomfortable positions he liked..It still wouldn't happen..I was often frustrated, upset, and felt like it was my fault, i felt responsible...The point of all this is, once I sat down with my husband and talked, he let me know about the stress he was feeling and how this was effecting him in bed...So there was physically nothing wrong wih "him'', he just couldn't perform under pressure, and once it happened, It had a snowball effect, he was constantly thinking about what happened last time and was afraid it would happen again..So in your case, Is our bf under a lot of pressure, from work, school,ect, or is he under a lot of stress to perform?? This could be effecting him..if he is uptight and always thinking about or afraid that it might happen again, this could definately be affecting him. The best thing to do would be to talk it out, figure out what is going in in his head...Once my husband and I did this, we started having the best sex of our lives!! Good luck to you and I hope for the best!
i am 18 and dating another 18 year old. when we starting dating it was great and we slowly progressed through basis. then about 8 months ago we started having sex. the first time was funny as i expected but the second time was great. didn't use a condom the first to times but then decieded it was safer (duh). and thats when the problems started. during the nest 4 times after penetration i struggled to keep my erection for very long. but i assumed this was down to confidence, then after about 2 weeks we managed it fine. I thought the problems were behind us but then about 6 months ago we went on a break from sex for about 4 weeks and since then i have not preformed. At first i tried to ignore it blaming it on condoms being to tight (which they are but dont think that is only reason). recently e have started talking about it and she wants to know what she can do to help. i have tried asking her to put on condom but she couldn't do it in time and now i have hinted that she go on pill but does anyone have any better advice.
I recently separated from my wife of 4 years, because she decided she didnt want a family.... I eventually started seeing a totally gorgeous, younger little angel who helped me through the rough patch. She told me early on that she was a virgin, I saw this a a responsibility, not having ever been with a virgin, but we managed just fine and it was great. Although our antics arent as wild as I have been used to, she really turns me on and I really like her. Problem is that I am having trouble maintaining an erection. I tried pills but found them touch and go and got headaches, she even sugggested we watch porn together, which we did , but still no joy. She is being cool about it, as I am still able to satisfy her orally..... but I don't want her to feel bad for my problem! I am 36, she is 24. help anyone?
I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months and two weeks ago he showed me a side of him that I have never seen before (he was very angry, depressed, and stressed because of college). I have graduated and I am looking for a job to start my independent life and he is still in school at 26 years of age (I am 23). We made up since then but every time we are intimate (usually it is him who wants to get it on) he loses his erection after a few moments after penetration. I am on birth control (depo shot) and we don't use condoms. This has happened before at the beginning months of our relationship but it got better as he got to know me more. Anyway, I wonder if this time he is just not into me any more or that he has other issues about school and life. He has been a little distant lately and doesn't want to hold me or cuddle as much.
P.S. He has taken me for granted by showing up late or making me wait for him.
P.S. He has taken me for granted by showing up late or making me wait for him.
I am 20 and my boyfriend is in his 30's. He doesnt smoke cigs but sometimes a hooka and he does drink occasionaly. I do not consider myself to be an ugly girl or a prude in the bedroom, and I try my best to try new things and wear things that will keep him interested. However the last few weeks when we have intercorse he cant seem to keep hard the entire time. Even when giving oral I notice I have to work extra hard to keep him hard. He always "finishes" at the end but the process getting there is becomming more and more unsatisfying for me. I dont offically live with him but I am at his house almost all of the time. I am starting to become more and more worried that he is either bored with sleeping with me, or he is cheating on me. I dont know what to do and I am stressing out about our relationship. We have been together almost 8 or 9 months. i need suggestions or help
I know a few months have passed, but I hope you and your boyfriend have worked things out. Otherwise, let me give my advice:
It's not you, it's him. He's become stuck in a mental "catch 22" where he wants to have sex, in his head, but his body doesn't want to commit to doing it. This is because he probably trained his body to respond sexually mostly in short bursts in solo situtations. He may be overstimulated with the thousands of sexual images he recieves a day from society and is sexually exhausted.
The cure is to detox from sex ALL together for about 4-weeks. During that time, only do things like go to movies, visit family and friends. No pornos, strip clubs, raunchy movies, etc.
As far as physical affection: hug but no heavy pettting and definitely, don't sleep together.
After about 2-weeks, beginning passionate kissing but no touching genitals. Instead, focus on training the entire body to feel "thrills" for a long time - as this is what he has lost. Play with each others different body parts while playing your favorite love music. Just don't allow him to break your agreement because it is in HIS best interest.
By the 4th week, I'd expect you to have broken the agreement which is what should happen. : )
It's not you, it's him. He's become stuck in a mental "catch 22" where he wants to have sex, in his head, but his body doesn't want to commit to doing it. This is because he probably trained his body to respond sexually mostly in short bursts in solo situtations. He may be overstimulated with the thousands of sexual images he recieves a day from society and is sexually exhausted.
The cure is to detox from sex ALL together for about 4-weeks. During that time, only do things like go to movies, visit family and friends. No pornos, strip clubs, raunchy movies, etc.
As far as physical affection: hug but no heavy pettting and definitely, don't sleep together.
After about 2-weeks, beginning passionate kissing but no touching genitals. Instead, focus on training the entire body to feel "thrills" for a long time - as this is what he has lost. Play with each others different body parts while playing your favorite love music. Just don't allow him to break your agreement because it is in HIS best interest.
By the 4th week, I'd expect you to have broken the agreement which is what should happen. : )
I have only had success with condoms a few times. The problem that I have though, is that when I do not use a condom I struggle to avoid ejaculating early. As soon as I put the thing on, I can start to feel "my man" falling asleep until he is normal size. This happens no matter what sexual act i am doing, or who I am with, size or type of condom (i have tried sooooooooooo many) and has effected me for my whole sexually active life. I don't feel that I should pop a pill to keep me artificially stimulated, as I am very stimulated but can't maintain. i was married for 7 years, and even with someone I was totally comfortable with, there was nothing she or i could do.
For the ladys reading, trust me, it is not your fault. The only thing I have found that worked for me (although confronting for the lady), would for both of you to get STD/STI checks before trying without the condom. There are many contraceptive options available which may ease this option also.
I have been humiliated a number of times because I couldn't perform, and I almost psych myself out now when the time comes to put the rubber back on. Very difficult for me to break this issue to them, and definitely effects my sex life.
For the ladys reading, trust me, it is not your fault. The only thing I have found that worked for me (although confronting for the lady), would for both of you to get STD/STI checks before trying without the condom. There are many contraceptive options available which may ease this option also.
I have been humiliated a number of times because I couldn't perform, and I almost psych myself out now when the time comes to put the rubber back on. Very difficult for me to break this issue to them, and definitely effects my sex life.
i have been with my gf for about 2 months but now every time we try to have sex i cant keep my erection. I am fune untill the point of penertration but then i just cant seem to get it back up. i am 17 and she is 18 we dont use condoms as she is on the pill. we havent tryed talking about it and just try and avoid the subject.I am under alot of stress from work and from college and dont know if that could be the problem.
have never had a problem like this before (she is my first time tho could that be some thing to do with it)
have never had a problem like this before (she is my first time tho could that be some thing to do with it)
My fiance had this problem when we first started having sex..... He use to masturbate at least 3 times a day. Then when we got together, he had other things on his mind since he hadn't had sex for about 10 months. We tried to have sex but he couldn't ejaculate. After a while of him feeling bad about himself... and just waiting and not trying often... he could preform with out any problem. Sometimes (rarely) he can't get hard but that is usually when he is very tired. Now we have no problems, But I learned that the main issue was that he was afraid of getting me pregnant... We will be married soon so he no longer worries about it! Try taking a break from sex and see if it helps! Btw I was 18 and he was 24, now I am 19 and he is 25.
Well, im a guy, im 18 years old now but my problems are from when I was 17. To be blunt I havent attempted to have sex in over a year because im scared ******** of failing sexually. I will always talk a big game and flirt and get numbers but thats where it ends. Ive gone on a few dates but never invite or accept to go back to girls houses cuz im so scared.
Im a recovered drug addict and I have substance induced anxiety, I was still having serious anxiety when I attempted to have my first time (17 years old) and i was sooooo nervous and i was like having an anxiety attack and i couldnt get hard or stay hard long enough to do the do. It was with a girl i had only just met and we tried for the next two weeks everyday and i was always super hard flirting and touching and kissing and everything but as soon as we got naked and i had to put it in i just like i dunno id go limp.
I have dreams about it, It constantly bothers me because her I am getting all these numbers, im sober and stable im currently a sponsored bodybuilder and i got a college football div 1 scholarship in canada and yet i ******* am scared ******** of having sex. I talk a huge game i tell people at work how i ****** this girl and that girl but i honestly have only had "sex" (i managed to stay hard for a few minutes a few times...if that) like a dozen times.
is this performance anxiety because I can like jack off 5 times a day, i get erections all the time its JUST when i think of actually being intimate with someone i get limp and anxious. please help!
Im a recovered drug addict and I have substance induced anxiety, I was still having serious anxiety when I attempted to have my first time (17 years old) and i was sooooo nervous and i was like having an anxiety attack and i couldnt get hard or stay hard long enough to do the do. It was with a girl i had only just met and we tried for the next two weeks everyday and i was always super hard flirting and touching and kissing and everything but as soon as we got naked and i had to put it in i just like i dunno id go limp.
I have dreams about it, It constantly bothers me because her I am getting all these numbers, im sober and stable im currently a sponsored bodybuilder and i got a college football div 1 scholarship in canada and yet i ******* am scared ******** of having sex. I talk a huge game i tell people at work how i ****** this girl and that girl but i honestly have only had "sex" (i managed to stay hard for a few minutes a few times...if that) like a dozen times.
is this performance anxiety because I can like jack off 5 times a day, i get erections all the time its JUST when i think of actually being intimate with someone i get limp and anxious. please help!
My boyfriend and I haven't had sex in over two weeks because of this problem. We don't live together. I am his first ever and he is the first person I've ever really enjoyed sex with. We don't live together but we're very serious. We've been together about seven months.
Last night, I felt him gling soft and tried to revive his erection by going down on him. As soon as I put my mouth on him he lost it all the way and we had to stop because he was limp and I was angry and hurt.
THis has been getting worse and worse over the past month or so. It went from being just once or twice a month to being ALL the time (past two weeks).
He says it's mental. He says it's a vicious cycle where he feels himself waning and then freaks out and can't get back up. Then we end up sitting in the living room in silence until one of us starts talking about the problem (usually me). Talking about it makes him even more afraid next time. And so goes the vicious cycle....
I have never gotten frustrated or upset until last night and it was such a blow (no pun intended) that I was trying so hard and he couldn't respond to me. It feels like he is rejecting me.
I am an attractive woman, in my 20's, teach yoga, very fit and I'm adventurous and passionate in bed. I do NOT understand how I'm doing it for him. I don't understand how he could get bored of me because I'm NOT BORING. I know I am giving him the greatest, most passionate sex he will ever get. I know I'm a great girlfriend, and would be and amazing wife.
It does't hurt my confidence as a woman because I've been with several people and this has certainly never been an issue. But it does damage my confidence with him.
He said he's crazy about me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I feel we are right for each other and we're deeply in love. He says I am exactly what he wants and I feel the same about him....except of course for the sex issue.
He still likes to touch and cuddle, but this morning I was too embarassed to touch him because he had morning wood and I knew I'd kill it if I messed with it. So I just got out of bed and made coffee.
At this point, we both think it's in his head and we hope he'll get over it. One thing I'm concerned about is that maybe he'll try to blame me and I know I'll dump him if he does because I am doing EVERYTHING I know he likes and EVERYTHING I can to help him and it's not working.
I love him but I'm not willing to deal with this for the rest of my life. I want this to work, but I'm losing my ability to understand what is going on. It's depressing to meet your dream guy and then have him stop wanting you.
I don't know what to do. :(
Last night, I felt him gling soft and tried to revive his erection by going down on him. As soon as I put my mouth on him he lost it all the way and we had to stop because he was limp and I was angry and hurt.
THis has been getting worse and worse over the past month or so. It went from being just once or twice a month to being ALL the time (past two weeks).
He says it's mental. He says it's a vicious cycle where he feels himself waning and then freaks out and can't get back up. Then we end up sitting in the living room in silence until one of us starts talking about the problem (usually me). Talking about it makes him even more afraid next time. And so goes the vicious cycle....
I have never gotten frustrated or upset until last night and it was such a blow (no pun intended) that I was trying so hard and he couldn't respond to me. It feels like he is rejecting me.
I am an attractive woman, in my 20's, teach yoga, very fit and I'm adventurous and passionate in bed. I do NOT understand how I'm doing it for him. I don't understand how he could get bored of me because I'm NOT BORING. I know I am giving him the greatest, most passionate sex he will ever get. I know I'm a great girlfriend, and would be and amazing wife.
It does't hurt my confidence as a woman because I've been with several people and this has certainly never been an issue. But it does damage my confidence with him.
He said he's crazy about me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I feel we are right for each other and we're deeply in love. He says I am exactly what he wants and I feel the same about him....except of course for the sex issue.
He still likes to touch and cuddle, but this morning I was too embarassed to touch him because he had morning wood and I knew I'd kill it if I messed with it. So I just got out of bed and made coffee.
At this point, we both think it's in his head and we hope he'll get over it. One thing I'm concerned about is that maybe he'll try to blame me and I know I'll dump him if he does because I am doing EVERYTHING I know he likes and EVERYTHING I can to help him and it's not working.
I love him but I'm not willing to deal with this for the rest of my life. I want this to work, but I'm losing my ability to understand what is going on. It's depressing to meet your dream guy and then have him stop wanting you.
I don't know what to do. :(
my boyfriend has that problem too, i looked it up, it says that if a guy masturbates too much he will get used to it and make the head too sensitive so no matter what you do it wont feel like what its used to. we are trying to not have sex and hes not doing anything to himself for at least a week or two and see if it helps. also it said that when you do have sex again make sure to use lube because it will take the sensitivty down. dont know if its gona work or help but thats something we're trying.
I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months now, and we pretty much know (or at least I know and he has said and agreed) that we were made for each other and all that good mushy stuff. however, during intercourse, and this has happened almost every time we have had sex, he loses his erection about midway and there's not much I can do to get it back. I'm really starting to get discouraged and it's depressing because I feel like I don't please him or don't keep him interested....He acts like he's physically attracted to me and like i turn him on, but when it comes down to it....we have this problem. I wouldn't consider myself hideous or anything, but I also don't look like a super model...I'd say I'm average... He has sent me a picture of his penis a few times when we couldn't be around one another, and in the picture it looks fully erect, like normal, and I don't understand why he can be fully erect when I'm absent but not when I'm there. help?
i too have just recently started suffering erection problems i have been with my GF for about 4 months now and everything was fine until one night i overdid it a bit on the cannabis and just as i was about to penetrate her i lost my erection and she said she just wanted to go to sleep this has been preying on my mind since I can make my penis hard by masturbating but the moment i stop it disappears this is so frustrating cause my GF is the most beautiful and sexual girl i have ever been with and it has nothing to do with me not fancying her no matter what i think about i cannot get hard without touching myself but like i said the moment i stop it goes away also there is a lack of sensation in my penis as well this only happened about a week ago and has never happened before can anyone help with this prob plz plz plz
Hi, I am a 28 year old lad and I have had this issue myself off and on since about 2 years after becoming sexually active at 16. I can't really offer any advice to the ladies on here as in my experience the cause is often nothing to do with the girl I am with or her abilities in the bedroom. I know it is a serious hit to the male ego when you are affected by this and as any doctor worth his salt will tell you there is a mental component involed when it comes to getting and maintaining an erection. In my case and I guess from reading the posts so far most of you lads have nothing physically wrong with you so in my opinion male enhancing products are not the right solution here. I can't say for sure what causes this to happen but I can tell you what has helped for me. Often when I am affected by this I find myself overly concerned, during foreplay and sex, about letting my partner down again this is the main cause for me. I have found without a doubt that if this is what is on my mind during intimacy I WILL fail to stay aroused. As with some of the posts so far, during masturbation or simply arousing yourself this never happens because you have no one else to please so it works everytime. With this is mind it is obvious that it is the frame of mind you are in causing the problem in the first place. The key is to be relaxed with your partner and in the moment with her, if you find yourself drifting off somwhere else like thinking about your favorite porno or fantasies that do not involve your current girlfriend you need to clear your mind of this and return your attention to real life. I have had this issue with multiple girlfriends and they are usually understanding and willing to help you. As with most lads I believe myself to be very good in bed so failing to stay aroused every now and again is brushed aside now by considering how much pleasure I will give my GF when we try again. Positive thoughts like this help. Some suggestions I would give is don't rush into the act the first few times when trying to overcome this problem. Sit and watch a movie together and cuddle up. Have a bath together. Play fight a bit. Most importantly do not let the problem play on your mind. Think positive thoughts and keep your mind on the moment when your intimate with your girlfriend. Hope this helps a bit and good luck guys!
Hello everyone. :)
Just to help, i'm 17, my Girlfriend is also 17; we live in the UK, so by law we are allowed to have sex.
My problem actually started last night, when me and my girlfriend decided we should take the next step, neither of us are virgins; so that problem is out of the way.
It started out really good, foreplay was brilliant and I maintained an erection all the way through, but when it came to sex; she told me she wasn't on this pill till 2 days after, (This being tomorrow as I write this post).
So she told me to use a condom, which mentally was fine to me, but I was nervous, as I have never used one before, I've put one on myself; but that's been when I was alone. When trying to doing it infront of my partner, I just felt my confidence hit rock bottom, and I didn't feel aroused anymore, during sex, I get the same problem (Loss of erection), I feel I won't satisfy my partner(s), so a lot of things come in and out of my mind, no matter how much i'm reassured that everything is okay, and I am doing well, my mind still tells me, that i'm doing a terrible job!
An answer would be nice, but in my mind, i've come to the conclusion, I have a low self-esteem, and I worry "far" too much about what I do, and the actions/consequences theory.
-Kristian
Just to help, i'm 17, my Girlfriend is also 17; we live in the UK, so by law we are allowed to have sex.
My problem actually started last night, when me and my girlfriend decided we should take the next step, neither of us are virgins; so that problem is out of the way.
It started out really good, foreplay was brilliant and I maintained an erection all the way through, but when it came to sex; she told me she wasn't on this pill till 2 days after, (This being tomorrow as I write this post).
So she told me to use a condom, which mentally was fine to me, but I was nervous, as I have never used one before, I've put one on myself; but that's been when I was alone. When trying to doing it infront of my partner, I just felt my confidence hit rock bottom, and I didn't feel aroused anymore, during sex, I get the same problem (Loss of erection), I feel I won't satisfy my partner(s), so a lot of things come in and out of my mind, no matter how much i'm reassured that everything is okay, and I am doing well, my mind still tells me, that i'm doing a terrible job!
An answer would be nice, but in my mind, i've come to the conclusion, I have a low self-esteem, and I worry "far" too much about what I do, and the actions/consequences theory.
-Kristian
I'm 22 struggling with an erection problem... Pretty much, when i'm about to have sex, my erection goes away. It's the most frustrating thing in the world. I don't have a problem getting hard when my girlfriend and i fool around before hand but when i put on the condom and get ready to go, i lose my erection. any advice?
im 17 and i'm having the time general problem
when i am kissing and doing fore play with my girlfriend im rock hard but when it comes to putting my **** in i go in and maybe in and out 3 or 4 times and then i go limp this has happend around 3 or 4 times and i feel annoyed when it happens because i used to have amazing sex with my girl friend of 31 months today but this has only happened in the last couple of months. any help?
when i am kissing and doing fore play with my girlfriend im rock hard but when it comes to putting my **** in i go in and maybe in and out 3 or 4 times and then i go limp this has happend around 3 or 4 times and i feel annoyed when it happens because i used to have amazing sex with my girl friend of 31 months today but this has only happened in the last couple of months. any help?
i mastrubate and get a hard on evrytime we have oral sex,but in bed i dont get a erection and we dont make love,though i am a father i still ask my wife to hold my penis and put in,the moment i see her sulking i dont get the hard on and she walks out,but i fantasize about her and love her for she looks hot but moment she says im sleepy do it fast i dont get erection,pls help
hey im 17 yrs old and i have a 18 year old girlfriend. When me and her fool around or even just snuggle, i can get a erection rather easy and keep it. When it comes to sex its no problem there either. my problem is that i cant ejaculate during sex or even oral sex. I dont know why i cant, with sex it feels good but i cant get to the point where i can "finish" same thing with oral sex it feels really good (better than sex) but i just cant get to the climax.this makes my girl feel really bad and makes me feel really bad as well. Please help me, ive read about how if you masturbate too much it can cause desensitation. i would appreciate input from others.
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