I am not sure if this is were to Ask!! Sister-in-Law having sex!!

[channah]

Like in my title I am not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I have no where else to turn, and I know for a fact you all are some of the best advice givers. Ok, My sister-in-law who is 16 will not get a pap smear. Well she has been on BC before, how she got it w/out a pap smear I do not know. Anyways~ Her boyfriend lives in a camper outside of her home~long stuiped story!! Well I was told that her and her BF have been having sex. My Hubby said something to his mother and she ask the sister-in-law (his sister) and she denied it! Well crazy mother-in-law believes her, which is fine BUT she will not get a pap smear or get on BC. That makes me wonder if she really is having sex. I am not sure whether to say something to the mother or not!! Well for one they can't take care of a baby ~ i mean he is living in a camper outside her house. No offense, but come on. I was wondering also can the mother make her get a pap smear and put on BC? I do not know what to do!! My hubby is very very conserned but everytime he tries to talk with his sister she gets mad and storms off.I have talked to the BF, he never clearly claim that they are or not having sex. I just don't know. Please help anything will help. Sorry if I confused any of you. This is tearing the mother, daughter and oldest son (my hubby) apart. They are all scared to tell the father but I want to, to end this feud. What should I do? Thank you in advance.

[Red_Rose]

Hi

From the sounds of it everyone is on and on at her and shes fed up. And if the BF is giving u the impression they have, unless hes a trouble maker they probably have.

My suggestion is to maybe talk to your hubby and mother in law, if u get on well and say that maybe she needs to be given some space. If she is theres not much anyone can do about it now. Im sure you've all said bc and paps a billion times so its not like she doesnt know, and if u suspect she was already on it seems shes looking after herself. Like the above post said it is a bit of a shock for the family to think shes still a 'baby' etc, but its part of life. I think with some people the more u try to stop them the harder they try to do whatever it is u trying to stop them doing.

Like I said give her a bit of space, remind her everyone is just concerned because she is loved and that if she feels she cant talk to her mum she can talk to you, or even write it down if it feels easier. And that theres nothing wrong with her having sex (as long as where ever u are its legal) its just mums like to be consulted and told things cos thats how mums are. You sound like a nice person Im sure she'll open up soon, but dont tell the dad cos that would shut her tighter than a clam! Im sure the mum would of said something to him if he was the calm type!

Maybe u could get her to some on here and write for advice? All the best :-)

[kristiemichelle]

just so you know, my mom found out I "may be" having sex at 16, i am now 32, and she did make me get on BC and there was a pap smear.  Try telling her the pap is a part of life and she is at the age, whether she is having sex or not, to start having the paps....its for health reasons, not an inclusion in her life....in the long run it could really help her out...as far as the bf in a camper, i had one of those too....just one thing to say about that...mine was a loser, big chance hers is too...

[AnnieBrooke]

I am not sure, but I think 18 is the age of consensual sex in the U.S.(it might vary by state).  I'm not sure there is much more that  you can try -- your little SIL is being a foolish teenager, unfortunately not the first or the last.  I would keep trying to talk to her, and maybe at some point she will realize you are there to be a nonjudgmental friend.  Good luck.

[channah]

Thank you for the advice. I have tried that several times and tell her all the time if she needs anything at all just give me a call. I have even tried to tell her that even if she is not having sex that she still needs to see the Dr anyways, 2 make sure nothing is wrong!! She is the type to keep everything balled up until she explodes. By the way she has put on appox 30-40 lbs in the last year. I am not sure if that is bc she works in fast food or what but I am very concerned. I am only 6 years older than her and I try to tell her I have been there done that, wont do it again spill give or take and I am almost to the point of saying will if she get preg. its her own fault and I tried with out any success. I try not to have a neg attiude but it is so hard.

[physiostu]

Im not sure what country you are in but 16 is the age on consensual sex in the UK. So although the thought of someone you have seen growing up now having a sexual relationship is traumatic enough in itself, surely if its a loving, caring relationship and they are being responsible, careful and faithful, maybe you should let them make their own mistakes.
Speak to her about being sensible and avoiding both pregnancy and STIs, if she knows the facts, at least she can make an informed decision.

[cBeth87]

Well I may not be the oldest and wisest here, but if I were you I would do everything I could to talk to the daughter personally before getting your in-laws involved- for the simple fact that they are your husbands parents and you don't want them to hate you. try to get her alone and talk about it as casually as those things get. This meaning don't pin her down and yell at her about safe sex. Do the whole "I remember what it was like to be your age...." thing. Present yourself as someone she can confide in and someone who will give her advice. Maybe she'll come to you!