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107860 tn?1302926740

I need advice!!!

I've been married for four years..
and I'm six months pregnant,
and now my husband wants me out.. because I didn't invite his mom to be in the delivery room when I give birth.. I was told that I made her cry.. which I had no clue I made her cry..

I was on the phone with my mom, which lives out of state, I told her that I want her in the room with me.. if she can make it.. but I don't know..
I've been stressing out.. I don't know what to do..

HELP!!
11 Responses
107860 tn?1302926740
This is our first pregnancy.. I'm beyond scared.. his mom (my mother in law) has been with me during the pregnancy and stuff, I dont feel comfortable with no one in the room besides my husband..
My husband has been giving me the silent treatment..
I did talk to my mother n law and told her whats bothering me.. she excepted the apoligy... and now I have to work on my husband..
I'm so scared that I'm going to be a single mother.. and no place to live..
Avatar universal
I think it's absolutely disgusting that he would do this to his wife who is 6mths pregnant with HIS child. You should be treated like absolute royalty. I cannot understand why you would apologise to ANYONE for saying that you don't want certain people in the delivery room. Your mother-in-law should not have placed this burden on her son let alone on you and he needs to reassess where his priorities lie. I don't know your husband but this is not a sign of strength that he is controlling you like this or giving you any form of ill-treatment during your pregnancy, marriage or otherwise. I don't think many men get what women feel like whilst pregnant (of course they couldn't know!) nor do they understand how vulnerable, emotional and scary it all can be. He doesn't sound like he would much support during your labour if he can't even support you emotionally through your pregnancy. DON'T be scared about sticking to your guns if it's that important to you. On the other hand, if you feel like you can compromise about his mother being there than talk to him about this but let him know that you're doing it because YOU'VE come to the decision yourself and NOT because he's forced you. Really what you're doing is letting him know that you deserve this kind of treatment and that also you're letting him know that his treatment of you works because ultimately he is getting his own way (and his mother's way!). My thoughts are with you at this emotional time, women are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for and you will discover this even more after you have given birth for the first time. You are carrying his child and you should be going through this together not separately. If he forces you to go it alone then KNOW THAT YOU WILL SURVIVE!!! He won't want to not see his child and he'll probably come around knowing that he might not. So might his mother if she thought she might see her grandchild because of this! Let us all know how you go - BE STRONG!!!
Avatar universal
My mom and mother in law are not going to be in the room with me....just my husband.  They both told me they would be at the hosptial and if we wanted them in there then they would be willing.  But they said its my decision and if I just want my hubby then its fine with them.
Avatar universal
Wow.  He definately thinks that he has quite the say in your life huh.! If it makes you feel any better.  I told my husband(no I did not ask) that the only people who were allowed at the hospital were my parents.(not his) and that no one under any circumstances is to be allowed into the delivery room.  Now his parents were not happy about it but that's the way it gooes.  My husband told them that he has and will have enough to deal with, with just me and the baby and he was not going to deal with them as well.  We understand that everyone is excited for us but we want this to be a special moment for the two of us.

When I was speaking with his parents his dad said to me " I will **** be in there if I want to.  So then I said nice and calmly.."  Let me ask you a question, Would you want to be there watching the conception of your grandchild?"   That shut them up real fast!!!!


Good Luck with everything!!!!
Avatar universal
I have not read the previous posts, so I am probably going to repeat some things.  First of all, your husband is a real JERK.  Next, it's YOUR delivery and YOUR decision on who should be there!  The people you choose to be in the delivery room should be there because they want to help and comfort you---not for a SHOW.  You have every right to have your mother there and it's is not rude that you don't want your MIL in the room with you.  She can see the baby right after it's born.  Your MIL should be more considerate of your wishes--as should your husband.  Someone asked Dear Abby this very question and Dear Abby said the same thing.

I feel bad for you---I think this is just the beginning.  I hope your MIL doesn't meddle too much or try to give unsolicited advice.

Take care of yourself and congrats on the baby.  Print all of this off and let your hubby read it.  Real men do not treat their pregnant wives this way.
Avatar universal
What..that is insane of him to do that to you.  My husband was like that at first, but then he got better when it came to things that concerned him mother.  His mom gets her feelings hurt way to easily and it drives me crazy.  I told my husband that I just wanted him and my mom in the delivery room and at first he said NO and I got all upset about it.  Then he decided to call his friends and see what they did when they had children.  Every single one of them said that the girl's mom was in the delivery room. So he decided to let her in, which I would have done anyways with or without his say.  I flat out told him that I didn't want his mother in there and he was ok with it suprisingly.  I just didn't want the whole world to see my vagina, you know.  But I think that your husband should do what you want seeing that you are the one who is popping out his child and not him.  Explain to him how you feel about the situation.  He should be understanding and be on your side rather than his moms.  And she should know better than to get all upset about that.  Most people know that.  My family was told when I started to push and they all gathered outside the door to wait and to see if they could hear when she came out and hear her cry.  They all got to hear her and they loved it.  Then they all went with my husband down to the nursery to watch them weigh her and what not.  Anyways, you should suggest that and see what your husband says.  If your not comfortable with her in there then tell him that.  Hey, I would say well if you want your mother to be in there and I don't then I don't think either one of you should be in there and see what he says.  Tell him it is just going to be you and your mother! Maybe that will hurt his feelings and make him straighten up.  Anyways, sorry for all the blabbing.  Good luck!
145992 tn?1341345074
Girl, I think that he is extremely insensitive for telling you he wants you out.  How childish of him.  Personally I think it should be just you and your husband but if you get the support from your mom than I completely understand why you would want her there.  Your MIL seems like a complete b****.  I'm sorry but demanding an apology from you is completely rude.  Your mother brought you into this world, not his, there is a closeness that you have with her that you will never have with his mom.  This should just be understood.
107860 tn?1302926740
Thank you guys for all of the advice!!
I will tell the doctor who I want in the room with me.. but right now I'm going to think that everyone will be in the room with me.. if my husband is still being a jerk.. he's not going to be in the room with me...
134578 tn?1602101550
COMMUNITY LEADER
Seriously, take the advice of these posters about someone who is being so controlling.  His mom is controlling him with her sulks and he is controlling you with his threats, and both of them are thinking only of their own convenience or fun and not thinking of you.  It's a really bad sign of future problems or even abuse when a man tries to control so much about his wife's life.  He should be solicitous of your feelings at this time, not ordering you around.  I wouldn't let the mother-in-law into the room just because the whole thing will make you so uncomfortable.  Hire a doula, and tell him he might be allowed in if he is good, but that's it. :)
107860 tn?1302926740
alot of good advice.. I had made my decision.. and I didnt tell my husband..
Only my husband is going to be n the room with me.. when I  hit my final stage..where I have to push.. everyone is out of the room!! except for my husband.
my husband was never like this until I got pregnant.. my parents wants me to leave him also..
They tell me that they need to grow up!!!
Avatar universal
I say just you and your husband....Maybe your mom or best friend to hold your other leg when you're pushing. Besides,  how many people do you want staring at your business.

Tell your husband that he has no say....it's not like he's the one in the stirrups.
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