The irritation could be from many things.
Firstly, I suggest you DON'T scrub it in the shower. This will only cause more discomfort. Your clitoris and clitoral hood are very sensitive. They should only be washed with water gently. Secondly, I suggest you look at your underwear. If they are lace, just throw them out. Lace is not comfortable down there. It causes a lot of irritation. Wearing a cotton underwear will help. Thirdly, try to keep things dry as possible. If your discharge makes things damp down there, change your underwear. Lastly, don't play with it. Leave it be. Our clitoral hood and labia isn't meant to be played with (aside from sex/masturbation), it is meant to just "hang out" down there. Don't tuck it in or pull-on it, that will only cause more irritation.
As far a appearance, you can't change that. Everyone looks very different down there. Our clitorous can be red in color and appear swollen - that can be completely normal. In fact, our clitoris actually swells during sexual activity just like a penis does. As the irritation goes away, the appearance may change slightly, but it might just be what you naturally look like.