Seriously Concerned

[EmmyJN]

This has been going on for a while now...

I'm 16 and I'm not sexually active. I'm a virgin, I don't masturbate or anything like that.

I have these bumps on my public area. They hurt a lot and bleed, and sometimes have puss, too. I don't try to pop them, they just do. Afterwards, they look hollow and then they go away. They don't scab, they just go away, and then come back. I also get vaginal pain that feels like shooting. It's bad enough for me to flinch or jump.

I've also noticed some of these sores around my abdomen.

I've been having lower back pain really bad lately, as well.

I don't know what's going on and I'm scarred to go to the doctor. My mom doesn't really want me to see a gyno because I'm so young. And I'm worried if I ask her to go, she won't respect my privacy and she'll want to know what's going on. She's asked me before if I'm a virgin or not, and I am. We're very strict Christians and I follow the Bible as closely as I can, but sex is the one thing I would never, ever break. I even took a vow of abstenence for her. If I ask her to be respectful and that I would rather just talk to the doctor, she won't listen and she'll think I'm doing things I'm not supposed to do.

I'm so conflicted and confused! I don't wanna leave this go unnoticed but the doctor just doesn't seem to be an option. I really need some help!

[EmmyJN]

I am deffinately trying to talk her in to it. I've been worried about the lower back pain for a while and pushing her to let me go to the doctor without sounding desperate. I asked her, "What about just a blood test?" and she was still hesitant. I know it can be hard to face that your daughter is old enough to need an ob-gyn, especially with as religious as we are, but come on, now...

I think I'm getting through, though. She's been worried for a while about some of the symptoms and if we run out of other options, she's not really going to have a choice. That's where my GP is gonna send me next cuz we've been everywhere else. With most of my appointments, she just steps in to the hall anyway, so I don't see what the big deal is.

I did try some of the baths, as well as holding warm compresses, and some of them went away. It's just weird how they pop up... But I'm hoping that maybe exfoliating with a warm washcloth every day will help keep them from happening again.

Thanks for all your help!

~ Em

[AnnieBrooke]

ps -- bad lower back pains can sometimes indicate a kidney infection, though it can also indicate ovarian cysts and other things.  In your shoes, I do think I'd insist on seeing the ob rather than trying to tough it through with sitzbaths.

[AnnieBrooke]

It does sound like ingrown hairs, try gentle soap sitzbaths and/or a white- vinegar-water combination to ease things, and then some Neosporin or Polysporin on them as they occur.  

But you have a bigger issue to address also.  What if it were more serious and your mom was fighting you on seeing an ob-gyn because she is so fearful that it means you are having sex?  Say you had a fibroid or ovulatory cyst, you would need the right doctor, and that doctor is an ob-gyn whether you are a virgin or not.

I don't think your mother should refuse to let you see the appropriate doctor to answer questions and ease your concerns just because she is fearful of your commitment to your promise to remain a virgin.  You know you aren't going to break your word.  Your certainty in yourself should to stiffen your resolve enough to insist on seeing an ob-gyn, now or any time you have a concern.  

If you think it will help, remind her that an ob-gyn is not only for women who are sexually active, it is for women who are menstruating, whose breasts have developed, and have a vagina with normal everyday discharge.  It is a matter of going to the right doctor for the part of the body, the same way you would go to a cardiologist if you were having pains in the chest.  

Possibly see if you can figure out if there is an ob-gyn who goes to your church, and suggest that person or talk to him or her directly.  If no luck there, simply ask your mom to make you an ob-gyn appointment, and do your best to reassure her that she has nothing to worry about regarding your behavior.  

If she does insist on coming to the appointment with you, the moment your name is called, stand up and calmly tell her that you'd like to go through this on your own.  If there are other people in the waiting room, she'll probably sit back down rather than make a scene.  (After all, she knows full well from having gynecological examinations herself that they are not something a person desires to have spectators gaping at them while they are being done.)  

If she won't listen and the two of you are in the exam room, once the doctor comes in, tell the doctor that you would rather do this without your mother.  The doctor is your doctor.  You, not your mother, is the patient.  The doctor will support you even in the face of the most formidable of moms.  (This lesson will stand you in good stead later when she begins to horn in on your pregnancy appointments and insists on being in the room when you give birth.  lol)  Should the doctor fail you in this regard (which would be a surprise if you clearly say you would rather do this without your mother present) turn away from your mom and show the doctor for his or her own eyes in a way your mom can't see, and whisper your problem in the doctor's ear.  If your mom tries to look, cover back up.  The doctor should get the point and get your mom out of the room.

Take care, sweetheart.  I'm sorry she's being like this, a daughter like you that makes a promise and keeps it even in the face of not quite being believed, is worth her weight in gold.

[EmmyJN]

Okay, thank you.

[HelloKittyGurl]

It sounds like they are ingrown hairs.