Passing away of my mother

[Ffaisalq]

Been almost 5 months now. Im an introvert. I stay composed, i hardly opened up before it happened. Now i dont want to talk to anyone at all. I barely talk to my family anymore, i dont hang out with friends. I keep myself busy in my work but that too doesnt distract me enough. I choose not to think of my mother. I break down. Ive never been the crying or whining kind. i dont want that to change but everything has. Im having severe anger issues lately and i keep to myself. i dont want to believe she isnt here anymore and i think im doing well in that. Its just that i dont feel like living anymore, and its not like i dont try to get better. i try but at the end i end up working, getting high or gyming. I dont know what this is. I just know that i want my mother back and everyday i hope ill see her today. It never happens so i pretend shes somewhere, but still here. My life is going upside down. I dont want people telling me that time heals or it was for the best, no crap like that. Time doesnt do **** and my mother not being with me here today certainly isnt for the best. Not for me anyway. Im scared all the time. I dont know how to deal with myself. Ive never really asked for advises or help over the internet so i dont know how this turns out to be. I just really dont know what to do.

[slt91766]

Hey my mom died suddenly 3 months ago. You Said everything I've been thinking and feeling this whole time. I miss her so much. Nothing's the same. We used to watch TV together and that's not enjoyable now. I hold on to the few days before she passed because she was so brave...she comforted us and would get mad when we'd cry. She said "Why are you crying? Don't feel sad for me. I'm not scared. You knew I had to died one day!"
It's not fair that she worked since she was 6 years old in the fields. It's not fair that she did so much for everyone out of the goodness in her heart and never did anything for herself! I'm mad that she never missed a day of work even when she was dead tired or sick! Never took a vacation  and what's worse we never took her to Disney World like we promised!! I don't think this pain will ever go away...how could it?!?! NOBODY LOVES YOU AS MUCH AS YOUR MOTHER! She's your: biggest cheerleader, supporter...greatest fan. And I like you...JUST WANT HER BACK! Life goes on my friend...and they wouldn't want us to miss out on all the beautiful things life brings. So just keep on...keeping on.

[Pauline52]

Hi, I lost my mom on january 4th this year and I want her back so badly it hurts physically. I am just taking one hour at a time and I have made an appt for grief counselling. I dont know if it will help because right now i think the only thing that would help is getting mom back - and that isnt going to happen. But I have to try something because I know my mom would hate that i was suffering so very much. However you get by each day, I hope the way you are coping improves for you, it would be terribly sad if you let yourself get ill or worse as your mom would be horrified if she thought her passing had destroyed your life. I am thinking of you and I am crying as well becuase I would usually share this with my mom and I can never do that again.I am determined that i WILL come through this somehow so that my wonderful mom can carry on as a samll part of myself. Take care Ffaisalq XXXX

[breezytoo]

  I think that you could really benefit from grief counseling. They really do help. When I lost my father (he lived several states away) I use to call their old number all the time, it would just ring and ring. I had a hard time letting go too. I now keep my daddy alive in my heart. Good luck to you, I feel your pain.