8 year old with daily temper tantrums

[cherubcherub]

I have tried so hard to raise my 2 children to be respectful, considerate, loving, and caring people.My 7 year old daughter is exactly that. She enjoys life and is a very happy person.  Then I have a 8 year old son. From one moment to the next, I do not know what he will do. Temper tantrums, complete disrespect, yelling, arguing, throwing objects occur on a daily basis.  It is a very sad and difficult time when these occur.  This is a daily occurence-usually average 3 temper tantrums per day.  You ask him to do something that he does not want to do or just completely disrespects others and what they are doing-ie: teachers, friends, parents, sister. He completely defies most authority figures with an angry, hostile attitude when asked to stop whatever behavior is disturbing those around him.  He is very intelligent and is skipped 2nd grade and doing very well in 3rd grade academically.  At home we will ask him to do something and then a warning is given. Time outs, reward charts and logical consequences are used if not done (ideas came from the many books I have read). I used to spank him but that didn't help so I stopped. I have taken him to 2 counselors and 1 psychiatrist and he behaves and says all the "correct" answers for why he acts like he does and what he will do to change it. Another point-we adopted him at birth and expose to meth during the 1st 2 weeks is possible. I have considered military boarding school for him-but I don't know if that would be a solution. I told him that my father went to military school and my son was open to going. Doctor-your ideas please!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The behavior in the office with the clinician is not as important as the daily behavior. Children often do not display, in the office setting, the sorts of difficulties they display at home and in school. That is why we tend to rely so much on the first-hand reports of those who know the child the best: parents and teachers. Due to the adoption, you likely do not have the specific information about family psychiatric history that would be helpful in figuring out what might be occurring. But he clearly display more than the normal-spectrum childhood behavior problem. It is quite likely that, from a diagnostic perspective, he displays either Mood Disorder or Disruptive Behavior Disorder. Two aspects of treatment would go hand-in-hand: (a) pharmacological treatment and (b) systematic behavior management plan. I realize you haven't had the soet of success you sought when you reached out to the clinicians, but don't give up. Go back to the drawing board if you have to - when you locate the right resource(s) for you and your son, it will have been worth it. I don't think the intrauterine drug exposure is contributing much to what you see today. In any case, it's sort of a moot point because there's really nothing that can be done to correct it.  But the intensity of anger he controls and the frequency of outbursts can certainly be addressed.

[cherubcherub]

Thank you so much for the information.  I will seek to find the right professional that will help me to address these on-going issues with my son.

[talia]

Your son's behavior is almost identical to my seven year old son. What have you found out to help? I have taken him to doctors and therapists and groups just about everything I could think of to do he also is very intelligent which makes his attitude even more difficult. If you found any answers please post them I don't know what else to try.

[mumsworld]

A related discussion, 8 year old tantrums and agressive behaviour was started.

[Alexasmommy]

A related discussion, 8 year old daughter is impossible was started.